Why Do Empaths Attract Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychoaths

[Aero]

I understand what you are saying about empathy being derived from guilt because I was going to say that suffering produces greater empathy. In the Bible, there is a verse that describes this, "Not only that, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us(Romans 5:3-4).

Most spiritual paths will include something like this as well. There is some connection between the experience suffering, the removal of pride, and the consequence of greater empathy; and people usually feel guilty because they have suffered a consequence of something. It is obviously not an exact comparison because the word empathy is not often used in translation, but hope and empathy are similar.

However, this would all relate to the experience of learning empathy rather than explaining where empathy comes from. Empathy is a spiritual quality at its core because it is central to the experience of intimacy or an intuitive understanding of another person.

I think that empathy is learned through absorption. It's part of being able to learn through visual cues. As adults we are able to understand the symbolism and deeper motivations. But as kids? I find it a struggle to say we were all having spiritual experiences growing up. We were just learning visually, and learning a lot of wrong things.

Hindsight gives us the convenience of being able to attach and compare. And I like your spiritual path theory. I'm just apprehensive about applying it to my personal experiences. Because I think it's dangerous. Suffering is not a good thing. It's not good for your mind, or your body. There's worse things than being hardened by suffering, but a lot of people don't get hardened. They break. Was their spirit not strong enough? I don't want to promote a path that might not deliver, or delivers destruction.

I'm actually not fine with destruction. I'm just honest about the fact that it's a necessity. It's part of intuition and intimacy. So ultimately I think that spiritualism often gives mixed signals. I see a world full of spiritually hardened people, with nothing to do. But maybe I'm being a pessimist.

 

[Helioform]

Yeah idk how spiritual empathy actually is. Some of us talked about it before, maybe even in this thread. About how a lot of feelings of empathy actually originate from feelings of guilt. That's the real reason so many people match moods and call it "empathy". To me that is just a bold faced lie. And I agree that is called being codependent. So what the hell is an empath?

To me there is only one true empath. These are rare individuals that can sense bioelectricty.

I agree. Which is why people are getting less empathic since we interact more and more by using smartphones, computers connected to the internet instead of talking to each other in person. Of course that's all part of the plan. Take Trump for example, this guy is on Twitter talking and whining about anything instead of running the US. He is the epitome of a narcissist and everything that is wrong with the world too.

Not saying the internet is a bad thing, it's a tool. It's just that we have become totally dependant on technology and all this electromagnetic pollution is killing our empathy slowly, on top of being carcinogenic.

 

[Aero]

I agree. Which is why people are getting less empathic since we interact more and more by using smartphones, computers connected to the internet instead of talking to each other in person. Of course that's all part of the plan. Take Trump for example, this guy is on Twitter talking and whining about anything instead of running the US. He is the epitome of a narcissist and everything that is wrong with the world too.

Not saying the internet is a bad thing, it's a tool. It's just that we have become totally dependant on technology and all this electromagnetic pollution is killing our empathy slowly, on top of being carcinogenic.

Right. I recently returned to Instagram and it's not my empathy that's on display. Narcissism clearly plays some sort of evolutionary role. I will get more dates when I let the beast out. But you can't keep people around like that. That's always been my problem anyway. It's not difficult to see this happening with Trumpism.

I don't like these sorts of paradoxes. Or maybe there is just a serious lack of balance. Where narcissism creates a false sense of security, like the whole aura of "entitlement". The narcissist receives more positive feedback, and the empath gets more negative. That can't possibly create a well meaning society. As a whole anyway.

 

[SkepticCat]

Yeah idk how spiritual empathy actually is. Some of us talked about it before, maybe even in this thread. About how a lot of feelings of empathy actually originate from feelings of guilt. That's the real reason so many people match moods and call it "empathy". To me that is just a bold faced lie. And I agree that is called being codependent. So what the hell is an empath?

To me there is only one true empath. These are rare individuals that can sense bioelectricty. That's why I talk about people needing to find their power. Because I don't need to sense brain waves to know that matching moods is stupid. I don't need, nor would I cheapen myself with a phony label. And I speak from experience. I've learned the same lesson over and over again. People don't really want a hero. Trust me, I've even tried being the Ghost Rider.

When people know you have power, what really happens? Don't know? Well let me tell you. They don't make many offerings to your alter! You will find a bunch of people with their hands out. Just being like "GIVE ME FREE POWER". And when your finally like fuck you, and suck it. You will be labeled the villain. So have fun with the whole empathy thing.

empathy

noun
1.
the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.
2.
the imaginative ascribing to an object, as a natural object or work of art, feelings or attitudes present in oneself:
By means of empathy, a great painting becomes a mirror of the self.

Empathy is the cornerstone of civilization, as well as of most religions. Being highly attuned towards empathy should be a good thing. If there is no empathy then a society or a social group becomes essentially nothing more than human beings using or even exploiting each other, hardly more than intelligent animals.

The very reason society is collapsing these days and that these sinister secret societies are able to come out in the public spotlight is the lack of empathy.

I very much agree that many people don't really deserve your empathy for the exact reasons you listed. There is a strong psychopathic element in many people, many absolutely don't care what consequences their behavior will have for others. A such group of people with no empathy are going to be extremely easy to control for those more powerful who would exploit them. It is these that it is unhealthy and dysfunctional to try to empathize with because that will only ever end up in exploitation and frustration. An 'empath' will have to simply detect and entirely avoid such persons.

I think that empathy is learned through absorption. It's part of being able to learn through visual cues. As adults we are able to understand the symbolism and deeper motivations. But as kids? I find it a struggle to say we were all having spiritual experiences growing up. We were just learning visually, and learning a lot of wrong things.

Maybe this depends on factors such as upbringing and IQ but it's in any case hardly correct that most normal children are incapable of empathizing.

Hindsight gives us the convenience of being able to attach and compare. And I like your spiritual path theory. I'm just apprehensive about applying it to my personal experiences. Because I think it's dangerous. Suffering is not a good thing. It's not good for your mind, or your body. There's worse things than being hardened by suffering, but a lot of people don't get hardened. They break. Was their spirit not strong enough? I don't want to promote a path that might not deliver, or delivers destruction.

Whether suffering is good or bad depends on the situation. If you're suffering because you did something wrong (what Christians might call 'sin') then you're learning a painful, but useful lesson. If you're suffering because of factors outside of your control or responsibility or because of the wrongdoings of others then that's hardly a good thing.

I'm actually not fine with destruction. I'm just honest about the fact that it's a necessity. It's part of intuition and intimacy. So ultimately I think that spiritualism often gives mixed signals. I see a world full of spiritually hardened people, with nothing to do. But maybe I'm being a pessimist.

I think you're being a realist.

And because iniquity shall abound, the love of many shall wax cold.

I also think the situation is very grim on the whole. VC's website is nothing if not an expose of that fact.

TLDR: It says a lot about how bad the whole situation is that it even becomes questioned whether empathy and being an empath is a good thing. The way I see it, what 'empaths' need to realize is they need to be more selective of whom they empathize with because there are some really bad apples around now that will indeed break them if they don't... the problem never was their ability to empathize, however.

 

[Aero]

Maybe this depends on factors such as upbringing and IQ but it's in any case hardly correct that most normal children are incapable of empathizing.

I think you might be taking what I said out of context. We learn empathy as kids, but we don't really understand it. Like we don't have the mental capacity as children to apply it in a psychological sense. It's not a choice we are just reacting to outside stimuli. As adults we are more aware of how we dispense our empathy. With knowledge comes more choices.

Whether suffering is good or bad depends on the situation. If you're suffering because you did something wrong (what Christians might call 'sin') then you're learning a painful, but useful lesson. If you're suffering because of factors outside of your control or responsibility or because of the wrongdoings of others then that's hardly a good thing.

Agreed

TLDR: It says a lot about how bad the whole situation is that it even becomes questioned whether empathy and being an empath is a good thing. The way I see it, what 'empaths' need to realize is they need to be more selective of whom they empathize with because there are some really bad apples around now that will indeed break them if they don't... the problem never was their ability to empathize, however.

That's true. When I first heard of the concept of an "empath". I thought this sounds cool. Maybe it could be a way for me to right some of my perceived failures. Idk if I seriously thought I could find redemption, but I was curious. And obviously, I didn't find redemption. I found something, I'm just not really sure what it is yet. It's like I've been on this quest of finding the worst possible people to interact with.

 

[UnderAlienControl]

 

[UnderAlienControl]

 

[Vixy]

The basic question still stands, though: Why do empaths attracts narcissists? Personally I believe its bc empaths are loving and soft and that's what the narc is looking for: to control, get love and compliments. Looking for someone like themselves would defeat the purpose.

 

[skycoaster]

More often than not, if I'm not mistaken, empaths tend to see the best in others, that's why it's hard when the narcs' true nature is shown.

 

[Vixy]

More often than not, if I'm not mistaken, empaths tend to see the best in others, that's why it's hard when the narcs' true nature is shown.

Unfortunally so, yes. Also, often if female and one notices something seems off with the guy and you cut the cord with him, he keeps coming back and refuses to leave you alone. He'll call, text, be on your app you communicate on and if you want to be left alone you have to change your number, block him on everything and then he'll start sending letters. He will keep this up until he tires, can be for years.

 

[elsbet]

The basic question still stands, though: Why do empaths attracts narcissists? Personally I believe its bc empaths are loving and soft and that's what the narc is looking for: to control, get love and compliments. Looking for someone like themselves would defeat the purpose.

Pretty much.
If you are an empath, then hurting others hurts you. They know that. Some of the personalities I've had the misfortune to meet also have me wondering if there is an overlap with passive aggression.. or if that is a disorder of its own.
Either way, both are seriously fragile people. The narc is a name dropper, and will re-tell things he's heard that were well received to look good-- but there's no depth to what they say so they can't have an actual conversation about it. It's all for show.
The passive aggressive person is super sneaky but there's a grandiosity that seems to fuel their (in)action. An entitlement. And narcissists are nothing, if not entitled. -.-

 

[X-Maverick]

Those are literally all the things ive done? You are so obtuse!

If you want to know why I decided to change myself ON PURPOSE FOR THE SAKE OF IT, it started after I accepted Jesus.
God can fix all things. Not regrow limbs of course thats stupid.

But He can help anyone who seeks it. SO again, FUCK you boyo

Wow, that's awesome, Trenton. Correct me if i'm wrong, but you weren't Christian when we spoke awhile back. I'd like to hear your story sometime, if you don't mind.

On topic, I don't trust narcissists. As mentioned earlier, i've had extended exposure to one, so I know how devious they can be, even if they seem genuine (I could describe my experiences if anyone here cares to hear them). However, I believe you when you say when you say you're trying to change (I'm not sure if you identified as a narcissist though). Why do I believe you? I guess because I can just feel the genuine nature of your comments.

 

[X-Maverick]

As you can see here, the narcissist will continue to boast about their intellectual prowess and importance to important individuals (Doctors and Psychiatrists) while simultaneously attempting to act humble about these grandiose fantasies.

The narcissist in his true nature will deny any harmful wrong doing, as the narcissist is always fair and perfectly just.

Without even a PhD the narcissist is heavily relied upon for his amazing ability to uncover the weaknesses of those around him.

Describes my ex quite well. He's a nurse and routinely made himself out to be the star worker in the entire facility. He was very adept at coming off as way too capable, to the point where everyone else is incompetent in comparison. Yet, he'd always seem humble while getting this across to others, if you can imagine that.

 

[elsbet]

Wow, that's awesome, Trenton. Correct me if i'm wrong, but you weren't Christian when we spoke awhile back. I'd like to hear your story sometime, if you don't mind.

On topic, I don't trust narcissists. As mentioned earlier, i've had extended exposure to one, so I know how devious they can be, even if they seem genuine (I could describe my experiences if anyone here cares to hear them). However, I believe you when you say when you say you're trying to change (I'm not sure if you identified as a narcissist though). Why do I believe you? I guess because I can just feel the genuine nature of your comments.

The whole "I'm a Christian, so F**K you" was a bit offputting, tbh. Baby steps, I guess.

I was (briefly) married to a narc-- it wasn't until after the divorce that I realized that, and it was quite by accident. I was researching personality disorders in the workplace, and stumbled upon a breakdown on narcissists. He (the ex) was a textbook case. Though unfortunate, it was really validating for me.

You?

 

[X-Maverick]

The whole "I'm a Christian, so F**K you" was a bit offputting, tbh. Baby steps, I guess.

I was (briefly) married to a narc-- it wasn't until after the divorce that I realized that, and it was quite by accident. I was researching personality disorders in the workplace, and stumbled upon a breakdown on narcissists. He (the ex) was a textbook case. Though unfortunate, it was really validating for me.

You?

Yeah, baby steps lol. I used to be really hot headed when I was a bit younger (some may say I still am lol). But Trenton is already off to a good headstart, given his background. At the very least, he will never be the typical judgmental Christian that excels at condemnation. There's way too much of that in the world.

Anyway, yeah, I was in my relationship for a little over a year. Going into it, I had no idea what narcissism really was, and I had no reason to doubt him. His supposed genuine nature, I mean. On the outset, he was extremely sweet and was good at making me feel valued. I fell in love with the guy. Eventually, the gaslighting and devaluing ensued. This must have been a few months into it. He expected me to always be available during his lunch breaks to talk, which was fine if I was available. But sometimes, I wasn't. The times I wasn't, he always, without fail, had a temper tantrum with me. I mean, a real attitude. It was as if I was in trouble, or something.

When we met, neither of us had a job, but he ended up getting into his nursing career before I found a job. Suddenly he was Mr Bigstuff. He saw the need to put me down for not having much money, though I had a little money coming in, which I would spend for him when I could. I even bought him some great birthday gifts. I bought him four gifts that meant a lot to him. At the expense of my best friend of around 20 years, by the way. They shared the same birth month, and because I didn't have much money, I chose him over my best friend. What did he get me? A bag of gummies. I love gummies, but he was a terrible gift giver (which i've heard is a common trait among narcissists).

He eventually started tearing me down and had me feel like shit as a result of not being as independent as he wanted me to be. He would say I didn't want to work, despite always going to interviews. He said I applied for grandiose positions that required schooling, despite always applying to dishwasher jobs and menial labor in general. To this day, he says these things (as he did make a video about me once). Making me out to be some self important douchebag, when i'm nothing of the sort. I eventually asked him why he didn't give me encouragement anymore? Why didn't he support me as I looked for a job? His answer was simply something akin to "You don't deserve encouragement"

He even said i'm "inherently" a good person. Implying that i'm quite nasty, but deep down, i'm a decent guy. Despite being very understanding with him throughout the relationship. I encouraged him to find hobbies (as he had none), as well as to never forget his friends for my sake. Sure, I made some mistakes along the way, but I was nowhere near as bad as he would say.

But, how I found out he was a narcissist was similar to you. I was searching for reasons as to why my partner would do or say some of the things he was. I kept running into articles about narcissism, and yeah, that's how I became accustomed to it. He's a covert, the quiet type of narcissist. One that can easily fool others with undeniable charm and he's also quite attractive. Probably partly due to such charm. The whole relationship was like Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde. Walking on egg shells.

Eventually, I told him that he was emotionally abusive. I learned after he broke up with me that narcissists don't like losing control, and so my confronting him about his behavior is probably what jump started the process of the break up. I won't lie, it was very hard in the beginning. One of the hardest times of my life, getting over him. I wanted him back for a few months. But once I did get over him, I felt much better. He eroded my self esteem, my sense of worth (which was already low to begin with), and any self love. Through it all, i've become stronger than i've ever been.

I remember what he said during one of our last conversations on the phone. Things like "You think too highly of yourself" and "You don't offer anything of worth to anyone." He was projecting his own negative traits onto me with those statements. He even confessed to me certain things no normal person says, such as "It's so hard to care about others. I just want to be more selfish." He loves covertly bragging about how caring, nice, and selfless he is. He's said that to be his friend, you have to offer something. Such as being an activity partner, or being able to help him out of a bind. For if you can't do these things, what good are you?

We tried to be friends for awhile after the break up. And not even a month really after that, he was going to clubs and all that. When he would talk about it, i'd clearly be bothered. He'd then say "Why can't you be happy for me?"

Yeah, like i'd be jumping for joy a guy I still had feelings for is off kissing other random guys in a club. Yeah, i'm real happy. Gosh, what an ordeal that whole thing was. We haven't spoken in around 9 months, and i'm better for it.

 

[Trenton]

The whole "I'm a Christian, so F**K you" was a bit offputting, tbh. Baby steps, I guess.

It's my Irish hot blood.

 

[X-Maverick]

Oh, I forgot to mention a story he told me early in our relationship. He used to play an online game, can't remember the name of it. Anyway, he was a prominent player on it, and he had a following. Quite a large one, in fact. He played as a girl on this game. And when I say that, I don't mean just the character, I mean literally. Everyone thought he was a girl. He played this game for a long period of time, living a double life on this game. Coming up with a life for this girl he was pretending to be.

Eventually, for reasons I forgot, he killed her off by way of cancer or something. Everyone on the game mourned the death of who they thought was a girl they've all come to know on a personal level. Many players within the game even held a memorial in game for "her."

As he told me this, he brimmed with pride. This alone should have been a huge red flag. Over time, he would frequently confess to things that were very big red flags, such as being some sort of a compulsive liar (which he said he was working on). There is no doubt in my mind that my ex was a complete and utter narcissist. I could honestly probably write a book about the guy.

 

[X-Maverick]

Think again.

https://www.google.ca/amp/nationalpost.com/news/good-news-for-narcissists-there-may-be-a-cure-for-self-centred-grandiosity-after-all/amp

I think some narcissists can be cured, sure. Not all though. Why? Because you kind of have to WANT to change. If your narcissism is being rewarded, why would they feel a need to? And that article says they have trouble with social relationships. Not the one I knew. Narcissism is a much bigger problem than that article implies.

 

[X-Maverick]

Here's a funny little song that drips with narcissism. It's from a game called Bust a Groove.

 

[elsbet]

Oh, I forgot to mention a story he told me early in our relationship. He used to play an online game, can't remember the name of it. Anyway, he was a prominent player on it, and he had a following. Quite a large one, in fact. He played as a girl on this game. And when I say that, I don't mean just the character, I mean literally. Everyone thought he was a girl. He played this game for a long period of time, living a double life on this game. Coming up with a life for this girl he was pretending to be.

Eventually, for reasons I forgot, he killed her off by way of cancer or something. Everyone on the game mourned the death of who they thought was a girl they've all come to know on a personal level. Many players within the game even held a memorial in game for "her."

As he told me this, he brimmed with pride. This alone should have been a huge red flag. Over time, he would frequently confess to things that were very big red flags, such as being some sort of a compulsive liar (which he said he was working on). There is no doubt in my mind that my ex was a complete and utter narcissist. I could honestly probably write a book about the guy.

Wowww.
Bless your heart.

More later.