Marriage or singledom for Christians - which is the better option?

JoChris

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Well we have to agree this thread is about marriage in Christianity, though I hope no one minds hearing from other faiths/perspectives.

Looking at human culture (including their religions), marriage between woman and man is the most natural thing ever. I've heard one opinion that the desire to procreate is the strongest instinct in the universe lol. Science has shown that it even has to do with pheromones or the sound of each others' voices. We are the result of billions of years and nothing will stop the force of nature.

From what I know every faith has their monastic traditions for male and female, but those are the extremes. It's only for the brave few. To live without the affection of your own family can crush your being. I think that's why the religions regard their saints, ascetics, holy men and women, etc. so high because of how special it is.

I feel terrible for the growing segment of younger people I've met who don't aspire to the natural blessing of marriage. Their choices are made out of the despair of modern society and will never bring spiritual fulfillment.
Except for the evolution worldview I agree with you completely.
Today's generation has an extremely difficult situation if they wish to be married one day like in the olden days.
In most people, there still appears to be a natural desire deep down for every person to end up with "the one" they will settle down with, have kids with and grow old happily together.
 

DavidSon

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Except for the evolution worldview I agree with you completely.
Today's generation has an extremely difficult situation if they wish to be married one day like in the olden days.
In most people, there still appears to be a natural desire deep down for every person to end up with "the one" they will settle down with, have kids with and grow old happily together.
Hey I purposefully left out the word evolution!

So what do you think makes it more difficult today than in previous time-periods?
 

Todd

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You are guilty of that yourself. 1 Corinthians chapter 7
There are multiple phrases/ verses in that chapter where the apostle Paul is **openly** saying he is giving his OWN opinion on whether Christians should be married or not, not a commandment from God.

6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment... [therefore not Paul]

12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: ... [therefore Paul's opinion, not commandment]

17 But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk... [therefore not Paul's commandment]

35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. [therefore not a commandment of Paul]

Don't those verses sound like Paul wishes for the Corinthians to consider his advice and then make the decisions for themselves according to their conscience?
I’m fully aware that Paul was stating his wishes which of course disproves the silly notion that the Bible is 100% the infallible word of God. That is the only point I was trying to make. I wasn’t dissing Paul at all. He was writing a letter to those who looked to him for guidance in faith. It’s absurd to think he actually new that one day his letters would be considered to be equivalent to the Torah and the books of the OT prophets.
 

Wigi

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If you recognise that many people don't believe in God then you can't use your faith and his intervention as a way to support marriage in this day and age.
People supports same sex marriage despite the fact that they don't believe in God. They believe everyone can be or should be married and for me it means you can use faith or whatever you want to support marriage today.
 

Wigi

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@JoChris

In my opinion, christians should be married because temptations increase with time.
I don't know, it would be interesting to know how single christians resist this restless ennemy that we call the flesh.
From my experience, I have to spend lot of time in prayer.
 

JoChris

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Hey I purposefully left out the word evolution!

So what do you think makes it more difficult today than in previous time-periods?
A few thoughts from a Gen Xer about today's young people in western nations:

*have been brought up with very little moral codes and traditions unless the family is unusually religious etc.
*learnt way more from TV/ internet/ Facebook (etc) and friends their own age about relationships than family now.
* have been bombarded with anything goes in relationships *unless* it is "wait until the wedding ring is on" - that one point of view will be ridiculed at every opportunity.
* no real incentive to get married when legally defacto (in Australia) is treated the same as traditional marriage and marriage celebrations are so expensive
* media/ online dating makes it look like there is always someone ELSE out there... don't want to settle for just anything (so don't bother working on this relationship, look for Perfect Match 2.0, it always works in the movies)

What concerns me personally is an unusual level of pessimism in this area from young people. Every recent generation must have had its own unique issues in some way or other e.g. world wars, contraception, AIDS scare, but this generation the attack is coming from within the person's spirit, not outside circumstances.

Maybe the belief system that people only have one life (like animals), better make the most of it is showing an ugly side?
Maybe the dogma that everyone deserves to be happy (so get rid of what you don't like immediately, including people) is reaping its consequences?
 

Robin

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Well we have to agree this thread is about marriage in Christianity, though I hope no one minds hearing from other faiths/perspectives.

Looking at human culture (including their religions), marriage between woman and man is the most natural thing ever. I've heard one opinion that the desire to procreate is the strongest instinct in the universe lol. Science has shown that it even has to do with pheromones or the sound of each others' voices. We are the result of billions of years and nothing will stop the force of nature.

From what I know every faith has their monastic traditions for male and female, but those are the extremes. It's only for the brave few. To live without the affection of your own family can crush your being. I think that's why the religions regard their saints, ascetics, holy men and women, etc. so high because of how special it is.

I feel terrible for the growing segment of younger people I've met who don't aspire to the natural blessing of marriage. Their choices are made out of the despair of modern society and will never bring spiritual fulfillment.
I mean, I'd make the argument that we've evolved passed that instinct. If it were that strong then I'm pretty sure homosexuality for example, wouldn't be a thing.

People supports same sex marriage despite the fact that they don't believe in God. They believe everyone can be or should be married and for me it means you can use faith or whatever you want to support marriage today.
You're missing what I'm saying. I was arguing against Lisa's strange perception that it's still worth getting married because "God can fix anything". It's not realistic. Applying that to people who don't believe in her religion doesn't work yet she still advocates it's the highest calling for a woman especially to be a wife and a mother.

What concerns me personally is an unusual level of pessimism in this area from young people. Every recent generation must have had its own unique issues in some way or other e.g. world wars, contraception, AIDS scare, but this generation the attack is coming from within the person's spirit, not outside circumstances.
If I may, I'd like to offer my opinion on it. I think for some of us who grew up with a very traditional family, we aspired to have that one day as well. Like you said there was also a huge romanticization of these idealistic relationships in the media as well and that sort of created the expectation that it was something we were all destined to eventually get. That coupled with the bombardment of materialism and narcisstic culture which only amplifies itself through social media . . . .It's created this disillusionment with what our "natural" desires are because most everything about our generation is so fake. Fake expectations, fake personalities, fake lives. It does good to clock out sometimes and step away from the internet and T.V. but unfortunately that's all most people do nowadays and everything is literally online. So it's hard to get away from that and try to imagine what it would've been like away from those influences.
 
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Lisa

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Umm, no. Get some counseling and wisdom and avoid marrying the Christian narcissist. Seriously. Better to be single than an exhausted doormat, trying to please someone who's never pleased because he loves himself first and he never loved you for you, just who he could mold you and make you to be. Are you really this clueless? Smh. Stay with Cinderella and some day your prince will come. I choose reality.
All I’m saying is that no one is perfect in life and that everyone has problems. You don’t marry perfect, so in that case its good to know that God can help you with your marriage. Just like God helps you in your life. I don’t see where that’s Cinderella thinking but good to know that God can help with anything.
 

Lisa

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I think that was an illustration of how oblivious they were to the conditions that brought on the deluge.
You mean that they are still going on in life like nothings wrong? Which they are...but that’s what I mean, people still want to get married, have children. People don’t want to be single and in the worst time in history people will still be getting married.
 

Vixy

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Oh man, did I wrestle with this!

I decided to be alone. The range of men we have to pick on in my town is real bad, most of them are autistic, so I gave up 2009. Since then I've tried a couple of more times but it wasnt working so I stopped and it's still the same; those who come on to me are autistic, unattractive ortoo old (talking 70 years old here) so it seems I'm meant to be alone. After all, I am 40+ so it should have happened by now, lol!

My girlfriends have the same problem so all of them but one are single and the one in a relationship, is unstable. One day her guy (who suffers from depression which is another common problem around here and often follows autism) wants to be with her and the next they're broken up, I seriously dont know how she copes but I can tell it drains her.

There was ONE guy back in -08 whom I kept in touch with for ten years but only online, we never met. He was 6'2, 229lbs muscles, dark brown hair, white skin and looked like Brandon Routh in Superman, we had the same taste in music, the same taste in film and politics, basically he was everything I had been looking for but he was too mean. I mean really mean, he'd say things about my appearance that wasnt true just to hurt me and start conversations in a very rude and hurtful way, completely in lack of respect.

Now, in 2019, he's still alone and haven't had any women, guaranteed bc of this. He's 36 and have never been in a longterm relationship or meets any women. I talked to another woman whom I met on a forum and it turned out she had been hit on by him aswell (small world) and he had been just as rude to her so she told me to check her instagram and I did. I could see he was just the same with her and then checked others he had been talking to aswell, same thing there. I guess he might be a narcissist since he's extremely shallow and spends alot of time at the gym. He has this attitude as "I'm better than you which gives me the right to talk down to you so you don't forget your place" I've never met someone like that, it was like you couldn't believe how rude he was. Like a complete lack of upbringing or some mental fault. So even though I back then didnt know anything about narcissism, I thought instantly "Narcissist" and as it turns out I did some digging and his friends say he lives in a dream world full of fantasies where he's the king so yeah, defo a narc. Such a damn shame but ofc there had to be something wrong with a guy that looks like a "god" but is single.

At this stage of my life I have to say I'm happy I'm alone since I dont have the energy to deal with someone else aswell. I focus on surviving with an illness that affects every part of my life and cant worry about a partner aswell. So for me, being alone is better. :) And besides I'm not completely alone; I have my pet; Tiny Pancake, a bitter, violent but cute animal, and I live down town so I hear and see people all the time, even when I dont want to, lol.

I think the reason that so many have problems finding partners these days, is because we live in the end times. People have basically gone crazy.
 

Vixy

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Marrying in the tribulation, when they should be more concerned about the coming of the Lord mostly and not so much about their wedding nights perhaps?

It's a reference to being in the days of Noah and being unprepared for the judgment of God coming upon the earth. Matthew 24 also says "pray that your flight might not be in winter" and that it'll be really tough on nursing mothers. Men will pray for rocks to fall on them so they can hide from God and their hearts will fail them for fear.

It could be sooner than anyone realizes. A friend of mine's husband thinks it could be 2030. Even though I didn't ask for this gift of singleness and wanted the other more promoted gift, I plan to no longer whine about being single but start really living for God. If the days are truly getting shorter, that's the best use of my time anyway. :). Plus, if it's true that I might have prophetic gifting which a few have told me, NARly people and regular charismatic or Spirit-filled people, then it's about a 50/50 chance I'll be single like Jeremiah. People tend to despise and even ridicule God's real prophets. Talk about another gift no one should ever want. It's not so bad :)
Dalit, I love you. You GET it. Just wanted to say that. <3
 

Dalit

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Oh man, did I wrestle with this!

I decided to be alone. The range of men we have to pick on in my town is real bad, most of them are autistic, so I gave up 2009. Since then I've tried a couple of more times but it wasnt working so I stopped and it's still the same; those who come on to me are autistic, unattractive ortoo old (talking 70 years old here) so it seems I'm meant to be alone. After all, I am 40+ so it should have happened by now, lol!

My girlfriends have the same problem so all of them but one are single and the one in a relationship, is unstable. One day her guy (who suffers from depression which is another common problem around here and often follows autism) wants to be with her and the next they're broken up, I seriously dont know how she copes but I can tell it drains her.

There was ONE guy back in -08 whom I kept in touch with for ten years but only online, we never met. He was 6'2, 229lbs muscles, dark brown hair, white skin and looked like Brandon Routh in Superman, we had the same taste in music, the same taste in film and politics, basically he was everything I had been looking for but he was too mean. I mean really mean, he'd say things about my appearance that wasnt true just to hurt me and start conversations in a very rude and hurtful way, completely in lack of respect.

Now, in 2019, he's still alone and haven't had any women, guaranteed bc of this. He's 36 and have never been in a longterm relationship or meets any women. I talked to another woman whom I met on a forum and it turned out she had been hit on by him aswell (small world) and he had been just as rude to her so she told me to check her instagram and I did. I could see he was just the same with her and then checked others he had been talking to aswell, same thing there. I guess he might be a narcissist since he's extremely shallow and spends alot of time at the gym. He has this attitude as "I'm better than you which gives me the right to talk down to you so you don't forget your place" I've never met someone like that, it was like you couldn't believe how rude he was. Like a complete lack of upbringing or some mental fault. So even though I back then didnt know anything about narcissism, I thought instantly "Narcissist" and as it turns out I did some digging and his friends say he lives in a dream world full of fantasies where he's the king so yeah, defo a narc. Such a damn shame but ofc there had to be something wrong with a guy that looks like a "god" but is single.

At this stage of my life I have to say I'm happy I'm alone since I dont have the energy to deal with someone else aswell. I focus on surviving with an illness that affects every part of my life and cant worry about a partner aswell. So for me, being alone is better. :) And besides I'm not completely alone; I have my pet; Tiny Pancake, a bitter, violent but cute animal, and I live down town so I hear and see people all the time, even when I dont want to, lol.

I think the reason that so many have problems finding partners these days, is because we live in the end times. People have basically gone crazy.
Umm, sweetie, you were probably catfished by an online guy you never even met. He's probably a mama's boy living in her basement or a registered sex offender for all you know. Check out MTV's Catfished. Sometimes it's a woman pretending to be a man even. Please don't get emotionally involved with a dude not willing to ever meet you. Trust me. Made that mistake in my 20s and regretted it. Although he never misled me with a hot guy picture. I knew he was obese and unattractive, but I'm not shallow so it didn't bother me. I think I felt a bit sorry for him and he was a good listener. Also had really low self-esteem.
 
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DavidSon

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Oh man, did I wrestle with this!

I decided to be alone. The range of men we have to pick on in my town is real bad, most of them are autistic, so I gave up 2009. Since then I've tried a couple of more times but it wasnt working so I stopped and it's still the same; those who come on to me are autistic, unattractive ortoo old (talking 70 years old here) so it seems I'm meant to be alone. After all, I am 40+ so it should have happened by now, lol!

My girlfriends have the same problem so all of them but one are single and the one in a relationship, is unstable. One day her guy (who suffers from depression which is another common problem around here and often follows autism) wants to be with her and the next they're broken up, I seriously dont know how she copes but I can tell it drains her.

There was ONE guy back in -08 whom I kept in touch with for ten years but only online, we never met. He was 6'2, 229lbs muscles, dark brown hair, white skin and looked like Brandon Routh in Superman, we had the same taste in music, the same taste in film and politics, basically he was everything I had been looking for but he was too mean. I mean really mean, he'd say things about my appearance that wasnt true just to hurt me and start conversations in a very rude and hurtful way, completely in lack of respect.

Now, in 2019, he's still alone and haven't had any women, guaranteed bc of this. He's 36 and have never been in a longterm relationship or meets any women. I talked to another woman whom I met on a forum and it turned out she had been hit on by him aswell (small world) and he had been just as rude to her so she told me to check her instagram and I did. I could see he was just the same with her and then checked others he had been talking to aswell, same thing there. I guess he might be a narcissist since he's extremely shallow and spends alot of time at the gym. He has this attitude as "I'm better than you which gives me the right to talk down to you so you don't forget your place" I've never met someone like that, it was like you couldn't believe how rude he was. Like a complete lack of upbringing or some mental fault. So even though I back then didnt know anything about narcissism, I thought instantly "Narcissist" and as it turns out I did some digging and his friends say he lives in a dream world full of fantasies where he's the king so yeah, defo a narc. Such a damn shame but ofc there had to be something wrong with a guy that looks like a "god" but is single.

At this stage of my life I have to say I'm happy I'm alone since I dont have the energy to deal with someone else aswell. I focus on surviving with an illness that affects every part of my life and cant worry about a partner aswell. So for me, being alone is better. :) And besides I'm not completely alone; I have my pet; Tiny Pancake, a bitter, violent but cute animal, and I live down town so I hear and see people all the time, even when I dont want to, lol.

I think the reason that so many have problems finding partners these days, is because we live in the end times. People have basically gone crazy.
Thanks for sharing a part of your story Vixy.

When I was a few years younger, "spirituality" to me was this quest to almost go beyond the self into these imagined realms or higher dimensions. Through experience you learn that there is no alternate reality. If we were meant to exist as light or in some astral plane we wouldn't be here. The material and spiritual must be one. My belief is we are here because of the love between man and woman, and it's within the limits of the physical body that we strive for salvation.

As Jesus said, when we live for others we find life. In all His wisdom and spiritual strength the Lord could have stayed in a blissful meditation along a river or something, but He did the opposite. He traveled the land to teach the truth about God- uplifting the poor, sick, and those who had lost faith. He could have hid away but instead purposely let Himself be captured as a sacrifice and a final lesson to His followers.

Jesus said the greatest among mankind will be a servant. Family and friends, co-workers, strangers... we aren't supposed to care about receiving love, we can only GIVE love! We're not even giving it, it's the love of God flowing through us. We're here to serve all of creation, just as Adam and Eve were made as caretakers of the garden. The will of the Almighty is mysterious...we can't plan who He's chosen us to help and care for.

My Mom has this little poster in her kitchen which is kind of silly and you've probably heard it before, but over time it's taken on greater meaning to me: "Love wasn't put in our hearts to stay, LOVE ISN'T LOVE 'TILL YOU GIVE IT AWAY."

I hope you keep an open mind as to what works the Father has in store for you. :)
 

elsbet

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Oh man, did I wrestle with this!

I decided to be alone. The range of men we have to pick on in my town is real bad, most of them are autistic, so I gave up 2009. Since then I've tried a couple of more times but it wasnt working so I stopped and it's still the same; those who come on to me are autistic, unattractive ortoo old (talking 70 years old here) so it seems I'm meant to be alone. After all, I am 40+ so it should have happened by now, lol!

My girlfriends have the same problem so all of them but one are single and the one in a relationship, is unstable. One day her guy (who suffers from depression which is another common problem around here and often follows autism) wants to be with her and the next they're broken up, I seriously dont know how she copes but I can tell it drains her.

There was ONE guy back in -08 whom I kept in touch with for ten years but only online, we never met. He was 6'2, 229lbs muscles, dark brown hair, white skin and looked like Brandon Routh in Superman, we had the same taste in music, the same taste in film and politics, basically he was everything I had been looking for but he was too mean. I mean really mean, he'd say things about my appearance that wasnt true just to hurt me and start conversations in a very rude and hurtful way, completely in lack of respect.

Now, in 2019, he's still alone and haven't had any women, guaranteed bc of this. He's 36 and have never been in a longterm relationship or meets any women. I talked to another woman whom I met on a forum and it turned out she had been hit on by him aswell (small world) and he had been just as rude to her so she told me to check her instagram and I did. I could see he was just the same with her and then checked others he had been talking to aswell, same thing there. I guess he might be a narcissist since he's extremely shallow and spends alot of time at the gym. He has this attitude as "I'm better than you which gives me the right to talk down to you so you don't forget your place" I've never met someone like that, it was like you couldn't believe how rude he was. Like a complete lack of upbringing or some mental fault. So even though I back then didnt know anything about narcissism, I thought instantly "Narcissist" and as it turns out I did some digging and his friends say he lives in a dream world full of fantasies where he's the king so yeah, defo a narc. Such a damn shame but ofc there had to be something wrong with a guy that looks like a "god" but is single.

At this stage of my life I have to say I'm happy I'm alone since I dont have the energy to deal with someone else aswell. I focus on surviving with an illness that affects every part of my life and cant worry about a partner aswell. So for me, being alone is better. :) And besides I'm not completely alone; I have my pet; Tiny Pancake, a bitter, violent but cute animal, and I live down town so I hear and see people all the time, even when I dont want to, lol.

I think the reason that so many have problems finding partners these days, is because we live in the end times. People have basically gone crazy.
Tiny pancake... :D

...a bitter, violent but cute animal​
What is it, Vixy?
 

Vixy

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Tiny pancake... :D

...a bitter, violent but cute animal​

What is it, Vixy?
Well, one would think its an alligator right but nah, it's way more common than that and speaking of her, she beat up another one like her in the garden yesterday. I watched him run away like he was stung like a bee and could almost hear her "Yea ya better run, lil' niggah, ruuuun!" (No racism intended) Horribly violent, I tell ya..horribly.
 
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