Phew... I tried to catch up with this thread as much as I can ^^ First of all hello to all new Users!
Sorry for being off topic, but could someone tell what each colour of hair means please?
Yess someone answer this please! Apart from pink, red and blond hair meaning programming/sex beta kitten slaves what about green, blue, gray, purple, etc
A while ago one of the members from other thread wrote:
blue - childlike
green - healing from ritual, transformation, turning a new "leaf"
grey - moody or no feelings
pink - beta kitten/se#ual; feminine, childlike
purple/violet - ritual (preparing to be programmed); superior
dark yellow - neutral, about to be programmed, precarious
white/blonde - programmed, beta kitten
red - aggressive, se#ual, beta kitten
black - normal or even those who are superior and those who have completed programming
brown - slightly programmed
platinum - superior and magician (ritual)
Hard for me to say if they are completely true, but that's what I've found
honestly i don't consider myself a true christian because the definition of christian means that you humbly follow him while practicing his teachings and i'm not on the right track right now because i'm a chronic backslider. glad i know there ain't no white aryan jesus though because there just ain't. miss me with that blonde jesus is the loving lamb bs.
i love your theories. they're very interesting. most of the time i entertain my unstable depression demons by engaging in the dark neverending loop of metaolympics and nihilistic thoughts because it gives me false breathing room. i remember debating with my brother who was so up in god and studying/breathing scripture, etc all into it all the time i saw him but it'd be what i called apologetics christian metaolympics represented in his arguments. on the other hand my black pit adamant metaolympic logic would be only based on what the devil wants me to stay entrapped in. and whatever he'd tell me went out of my other ear because every time he tried to lecture/preach to me i'd be so fed up with him and the way he was always having his nose in the bible and it made me want to rip it up. not only would he study the word of god, he'd also study the quran and book of mormon just because. all the divided strange religious fruitcake ideologies and teachings he could get his hands on to counter them in roundabout debate. i'd make fun of him in my narrowminded head like i'd be all why does he even bother, what a weirdo. he pissed me off especially because "people all over the world are suffering and he does nothing but read the stupid bible and what have you as if that'll make the world a better place". now i know i was wrong to think that because no matter how far from god you are or what your religion is once you meet god and let him come into your heart none of it matters and as long as you're in him your ways will automatically be gradually corrected in a gentle loving way. no kind of any super secular drifted far off reasoning for why whatever anything is can stand against the body that's your vessel that he wants to occupy when you feel his real love. i see christians making fun of and hating on homosexuals but that's not how jesus is. you hear about hardcore homosexuals getting saved because they could feel his love even when they were in bondage to sodomy. there's nothing stronger than his love that condemns sin. no one individual is better than another because nobody's perfect.
and i suddenly want to cry as i type because i know i'm not in the best place right now to feel like i'm allowed to say all this like it's so hard for me to maintain my composure because i didn't think i had any more tears but they randomly flow out sometimes. i'm so jaded they dry quick. i'm so far from god right now i feel like my soul is heavily oppressed. i know he can help me but i'm stubborn and won't open my heart to him even though i know there's no hope except for him. i hate someone in my life and also hate myself. but it's hard to discredit god from the experiences i've had that i know are valid because i'm not the only one with these experiences. i've seen a demon close up right by the side of the bed during paralysis (not sleep paralysis i was fully awake and it didn't happen during my sleep it happened right as i was about to go to sleep after lying down) because of my rage and all of my questionable sins i indulged in. that's how i know spiritual warfare is real and hell is actually unimaginably more worse because that's where the demons are dancing michael jackson's moves all the time no those aren't michael jackson's moves they're the demons moves and it's lit over there. i heard demons dance like that in hell. let me tell you, when i saw that demon i had no power. i couldn't even keep looking away because it made me look it in the eyes. i literally thought i was going to die and go to hell. and i've never felt a hate so much intensely radiated before in a living thing my hate compared to its hate for me seemed like a joke. it only lasted for a moment and afterwards i didn't see the demon anymore but i was so petrified. i think that was god's way of showing me what i was really dangerously indulging in and how i was living however i wanted in a sinful lifestyle that attracts demons to feed off on my dark energy and most of all, that he didn't want me to live like that because he cares. and i know satan is real because mk ultra exists. that's the most satanic thing to ever be created and just like the abominable feces eating elite don't give a shit he doesn't care all he has is pure raw hate for humans and he'll use any sick twisted means he can to fuck us up that's how you know this isn't just a game we're in and how serious this shit is.
i don't buy what they say about sleep paralysis and deep down i only trust in god with how he works because not everything can be explained in the human point of view and he most likely sees the bigger picture and has the key. i feel like it's so easy to think he's just as glorified and screwed up in nature as satan is and on a power trip because we don't see how the pieces are being moved. heated secular atheists will criticize about how god's on a power trip saying believers only believe due to one thing, fear. especially fear of the unknown after death. when really satan's the one on a power trip. it's weird, every time i hear that i kind of laugh because i know it's not true. when i gave in to god and i could feel him in my presence i had no ounce of fear, depression, disassociation, sorrow, anger, anxiety, desire to sin, lacking energy, inproductivity, pessimism, nothing but peace and happiness and genuine curiosity about god the creator so i had the desire to read his word despite lingering on my past and not wanting to move on from something that happened to me when i was little because i remember it vividly after that memory became unrepressed and when it pops up which is frequently i just want to die. i was the same as my brother who i hated for doing what i just finally discovered then and when i opened the bible i'd read a few words and all i could do was cry the whole time for some reason i couldn't stop crying but i felt like my soul was being cleansed. the secret is you have to experience god curing you with his wonders yourself otherwise yeah, it's easy to be on that side. you'll constantly be stuck your whole life and in my case, never be able to get up on my feet.
honestly i'm so thankful you replied to me with what you said because at first when i all i did was lurk this thread i thought i would just keep lurking and that's it. you people aren't fake and are the realest quick witted bunch that are good at uncovering the sickeningly subtle and hidden meanings in all this esoteric mk ultra symbolism bull i feel lucky to talk to. though my brain hurts because of the higher understanding information overload (like what the actual fuck how do i know i'm not the clone of a human banana after i astral projected to find the best behaved monkeys to sacrifice in their sleep so i could be the #1 peeled clone of a banana it's too much for my tiny brain cells my forehead's gonna split) i'm glad i came out of my bubble a little even though i like to close myself off.
and i admit i have the same questions as you and to be honest i don't understand the way he works and the way he is at all. but the thing is there's always going to be back and forth metaolympics that support the mind's tendency of contorting this and that on any side of the debate. and i've never really delved into the word so i'm not the best one who can back god up with what little i know. what i won't do is totally discredit him because i'm the type to be like who are you? but then be like oh i know you. you're bffs with everyone! how nice is that! so i don't want anything to do with you! and pretend to hate him but i don't. i don't even go to church because imagine going to church with shady ass people and pedophiles. i've seen hypocritical pedos give sermons. and going to church only on sunday which is the pagans' sun worship day. god said to worship him always and pedos scrape at the bare minimum and pop in on sunday including celebrating all the pagan holidays in what's supposed to be the holy church revolving around god not events that give appreciation to the devil and for the rest of the other days in the week until sunday act the same as the atheists do. i feel like it's a commonly reveled spiritually fake jumbo fest. i tell myself all these things and that's how i shut god out but i don't lock the door on my heart even though i want to hate him so badly. at the end of the day he's in control and the one with the final authority who will be bringing judgement down on everybody that he made to have free will. and i think just because they go to church and repent doesn't mean it won't be revealed when they face god. and i think god allows certain things to happen through the free will he gave to humans so they're disqualified from entering heaven due to being a righteous judge and not just a loving god.
there are laws reflected from god in life and if you break them clear consequences will appear to you and follow and permanently attach on you so you won't get away but when you think you successfully squirmed away god sees what you did and it'll be revealed on judgement day. so he has all the ones that have been wronged covered. i may be blinded by emotional bitterness that clamps my heart shut tight right now but i can't pretend i don't know that. to be honest i feel like there are lots of contradictions and what bothers me the most out of all of them is the quote "repent and i will forget everything and your slate will be white and clean as snow". it makes it sound like every sin is equal in god's eyes which i can't stand honestly. and that's why i keep backsliding and not let god come near me but i think satan tries really hard to prevent me from having a relationship with god because i know god knows what i've been through and he's not just going to let it slip no matter how much it seems like he's letting it slip. like i said, i don't know how he works but i do know he's not a god who's lax and lets everything go.
lol my head's throbbing typing so much but as perplexing it all is due to the apparent laws of god on this earth everything always points back to the originator with its roots. i think why there are third world countries is because historically traced back if you look in the bible it's said how god promised he'd make great prospering nations out of the prophets. ultimately to god the poorer the individual the more blessed they are. the ones that literally don't have anything not even the bible to direct them how to live the way god wants but god comes to the poor and guides them and they feel rich to have god and the holy spirit. rich materialistic people think they don't need god so they don't look for god. human beings will always be afflicted and have to struggle but god helps carry all of the weight of your burdens if you let him.
sorry for dragging out my response and my head's about to explode but suicide's a big thing. i've never gone so far as to attempt actually offing myself but it makes me happy to a strangely comforting degree to think about killing myself and dying. especially after finding out about this whole indescribably sick mk ultra thing. but i'm trying not to go there because whenever i fantasize about suicide demons come to screw with me and i get sleep paralysis. that tells me how bad the devil wants my soul. like i get unexplainable red scratches and marks on my body. i feel like god protects you but there are certain barriers you can go out of and one of those are thinking about how much you want to die because only the devil wants you to do that.
My... Thank you so much for sharing your honest feelings
I really hope the tiresome thoughts will leave you and that you will find peace. The fact that you take up the fight is already glorious of you
I can tell you out of my own experience, that once I had really dark and depressing time, although I always tried to be close to the God, that time, same as you, I couldn't totally open my heart to Him and didn't know how to pray, what to say... Generally I was a total chaos. But I've learned that we have to be unceasing and continuously ask God to help us open up to Him. It often takes a long time, but God really bestows His grace
And how much He can change our lives is beyond words (I'm not trying to exaggerate anything, I simply mean it)
If you'd like to talk or discuss sth please feel free to write to me in priv
I'll gladly help as much as I can!