I agree w/ @Cocomj I don't think V will make it to the 33rd degree either. Lower degrees of masonry seem innocent enough but the higher you climb the darker it gets bc more secrets are revealed to you and the higher degrees are what are actually satanic. The lower degrees are very sugarcoated.
Also I may be wrong but I see a lot of fans think his solo song Stigma is about being in the closet but I think it has a much deeper meaning. They're could be a lot more to the line "are you calling me a sinner" and in the Singularity MV there's a scene where there is smoke coming off his body (I apologize if this has been mentioned before) but this implies demonic energy.
I think he is breaking bc sometimes you don't remember what happens when an alternative or another being is driving your body. I think he is awake through it all.
I know he's mentioned being scared bc he sees ghosts (sleep paralysis?)
Depeche Mode's Behind the Wheel lyrics are probably about this subject:
My little girl, drive anywhere
Do what you want, I don't care
Tonight I'm in the hands of fate
I hand myself over on a plate now
Oh, little girl, there are times when I feel
I'd rather not be the one behind the wheel
Come, pull my strings
Watch me move, I do anything, please
Sweet little girl, I prefer
You behind the wheel and me the passenger
Drive, I'm yours to keep
Do what you want, I'm going cheap tonight
You're behind the wheel tonight
You're behind the wheel tonight
You're behind the wheel tonight
You're behind the wheel tonight
You're behind the wheel tonight