I really feel your sentiments here - if this life were all there was, putting one foot in front of another is hard enough. A couple of times in my life I have turned away from the lord to do my own thing, and after the initial excitement of sin, the emptiness would close in.
The apostle Paul spent much of his life when he wasn’t preaching either making tents (which sounds as much fun as stitching mailbags) or locked up in gloomy dungeons. Still he was able to say in 2 Corinthians 4:
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
17For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,
18while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen aretemporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
I don’t know if you’re much of a reader
@Twice&I but this was a book I read when I felt like you seem to right now
The Slumber of Christianity: Awakening a Passion for Heaven on Earth eBook : Dekker, Ted: Amazon.co.uk: Books
www.amazon.co.uk