Hi i know how you feel
I have been and i am on this rollercoaster at times too (especially not wishing i was born happens a lot but only God's will is the thing that will guide us )
But remember that the Lord will protect and care for his sheep
His children will see the world go in front of their eyes...
If you are one of God's children then you are one of many soldiers
Keep fighting the good fight
I know it's really hard trust me but we have to
(Ps : of course they don't care
They are supposed to be the enemy little minion smh )
(Also i can tell you this : many of them have been born into it (abuse,rituals,etc... ) so it is the norm for them
Those idols are satan little minion (distracting people from what is really important is their main goal most of the time)(also lust,adultery and many other things)
I can only pray for you to be free of worrying about this kind of people
It's not worth it
As i said the other time purple used pretty often usually signifies a 33rd degree freemason rank and that means they know who they are worshipping now and don't back away from it
Remember the dude "crowley" he was a 33rd degree freemason (same rank as them ) and ran the church of satan smh
They are worshipping the enemy now and they know it
(The subconscious and what you are talking about is usually part of your soul,spirit and this part belongs to the enemy as well for them (the mind isn't there anymore long gone )
If you are a child of God : remember Ephesians 5:11-12 KJV
I hope i don't come in as a know it all
But it made me sad to see what you wrote
Have a good day to you and everyone else !