Hello everyone I am new here. I have been stalking this thread for a few days now. Overall, thank God. I have always been quite aware of these dark aspects in Hollywood or Hallyu, but I just keep denying it and drown myself more because I want to give up fighting the urges. Not damn troll by the way. This shit I'm about to write is too damn personal.
I was born Dec 24, 98. I stan BTS, yeah boohoo no surprises. I grew up in a very dysfunctional family. Ever since I was a little girl, I saw shit (aside from accidentally walking in on my parents, I still want to wash my eyes out with soap). Time skip to where I was 15 or 16 years old, my parent and I along with my grandmother lived with her youngest son (my uncle) and his wife. We were celebrating their son's 4th birthday, and his wife's family came too. I used to know her mother very well. The moment I saw her mother, I saw a large and dark entity around her along with other ones. Those things were all over the fucking walls. I was pissed. Why, because I was already dealing with those nasty things when I first moved in, and more of them just came in with her mom. Back to the main thing, her mother had a sense of depression around her. Her mother grabbed my wrist and pulled me gently closer to her level (she was sitting), and she told me she missed braiding my hair. I placed a hand on her shoulder and then this happened: time slowed down, everything slowed down. I was in a trance or something. I saw a chalkboard, the word "Death" was being written letter for letter-loud and proud. Then I saw a dense woods, and a rope. At the time, I didn't think too much about it because I was trying to have some fun with my cousins. So I basically just said to myself I was crazy and it was nothing... I am still fucking bummed out about it.
About two days later, she hung herself in the woods around her farm. The circumstances surrounding it were strange too, the detective was creeped out, but I wont go into that because I already know everything. It fucking scares me. And don't ask what or how I know.
Btw, my aunt's family are not Christian, they follow the old tradition of our people. It's scary shit. My aunt goes to the service and her family's home, and she brings back malevolent shit. She sees it as her mother is next to her, but I see something else. Literally she sees her mom, but I see scary shit. Those fucking things drained me day and night. I lost weight and looked half dead myself. My peers were concerned. Btw, I cant control these idk "senses". They just happen. It's a fucking nightmare. My father shares similar senses like me.
Now to kpop.
No disrespect to Jonghyun, his fans, family, friends, and loved ones at all. However, a few months before his passing, I was drawn to him so I watched videos of him. As I did, a sinister little whisper came to me, "He's going to die soon."...
I became a Bangtan Army a little during or after their Billboard Award. Ever since I stanned the guys, I began losing my "senses". Their song Blood Sweat and Tears, when I first saw it, I saw it the symbols and got the gist. However, I couldn't help be drawn to them. I felt such a magnetic energy around them, it was push and pull at the same time. BS&T puts into a trance every time, I felt like I was flying (I don't do drugs and never did), along with intense euphoria. Power and desire surged through my veins every time. It could feel the things watching me. I got the feeling that all I need to do is say "Yes" and give in, then I'll be like them. I stopped praying and studying the Bible ever since BTS came into my life. Now, lust and urges are a struggle everyday. I have become more and more accepting of same sex relationship, along with watching it. I'm not proud of my own debauchery. Though my senses are dulled, I sometimes get spikes or sudden rushes of feels? Idk how to explain but I sometimes get vibes from the members. However, please take it with a grain of salt.
Jin: I never felt any ill coming from him. Just clear skies.
Rm and Yoongi: I got "Clever" and dark vibes (despite the amount of love I have for them). I see colors, purple, red, and black. Dark dark clouds.
J-hope: no ill feelings, but very cloudy- almost hidden.
Jimin: at times, very sweet; other times, almost desperate, panic, or fizzy. Chaotic. A whirlpool of all things. He's just a magnet sometimes.
V: A sense of sadness, yet full of determination at any cost. Acceptance of something idk. Very empty too; just a dark void inside him. I always felt like I am similar to V, regarding the 4d alien shit.
Jungkook (The man I lust after): This guy is either all in or just out. His mind seems to be out of it sometimes, almost disassociating. He also gives me the senses of being extreme; he pushes the limits or something. Jungkook from the beginning has always creeped me out. Idk why. There's something about him that was so unsettling. However, I am now drowning in him. fml. I cant put a finger on him, is he innocent or is he sinister.
I am trying to separate myself from the grip of lust and desire. I want to be in favor of God again. At the same time, I want to save them too. I want them to repent and be in the arms of Christ... I sound like I have a messiah complex now... >.> I'm just gonna leave and go hide in a corner. Been trying to start praying but it hasn't worked out because Jungkook is... so good.
Again thank God I found this thread because not being able to express what is blatant in our faces to my bestfriend who also loves bts drove me nuts. I can't talk about it without being seen as a nutcase.
