Please do not feel pressured into staying in a marriage that you already know is bad for you. From what you have said here in the last several months, it is unlikely to get better - no matter how hard you try or how much you pray.
I’m going to quote you from back in October:
“Some ppl should absolutely get divorced and I am sure God is wise enough to know when that is/was the case.”
I agree. I do not believe that God would want you to suffer any more than you already have. That would be cruel, and I don’t know about you, but I think God is a loving being not a cruel one.
What would you tell a friend that was in your shoes? I would strongly suggest that you cut your losses and do right by you. You deserve to be happy. Take time to heal yourself. Figure out why you feel that you somehow deserve pain and suffering. Someday when you are whole again, and you love and respect yourself, a good man will come into your life.
Please don’t condemn yourself to a lifetime of loneliness and misery.