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e-Enoch

e-Enoch

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Messages
17,895
tzollld said:
Thank you, blessed year to yall too !
Pls pray for me, I'm having a really hard time staying with my family during the "festive" season.
Literally gives me acute severe depression.
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Yes...Praying for you... May The God of all Comfort...provide you great comfort in your time of need...and Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace fill your heart and mind... :)

  • So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
    I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
    Isaiah 41:10

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A

Aamy

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Oct 3, 2021
Messages
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tzollld said:
Thank you, blessed year to yall too !
Pls pray for me, I'm having a really hard time staying with my family during the "festive" season.
Literally gives me acute severe depression.
Click to expand...
Courage to you ! I can't stand the side part of my father family. So I always skip their invitations, I don't want to be angry today so without me the meeting family xD

Survive to this. I don't like events like this, I prefer to be alone in my room, drinking my champagne glass

Do you stay a long time? I am not a prayer but I will for you
 
T

tzollld

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Joined
Dec 2, 2021
Messages
47
Aamy said:
Courage to you ! I can't stand the side part of my father family. So I always skip their invitations, I don't want to be angry today so without me the meeting family xD

Survive to this. I don't like events like this, I prefer to be alone in my room, drinking my champagne glass

Do you stay a long time? I am not a prayer but I will for you
Click to expand...
I shouldn't be staying for too long, I hope I can leave tomorrow. It is ridiculous becuz I am an adult, in fact for a few years now and both my parents are extremelyyy dysfunctional, in different, but very extreme ways. My mum is very very controlling, and doesn't really want me to go, plus due to her insane emotional attachment to me and taking everything personally, she literally has a breakdown or something if I wanna go early or just do something a little different than the rest of the family. It is toxic and unbearable. My father is simply silent and utterly detached from his emotions. Last week when it was xmas, and I was with them, and wanted to leave a day earlier, it triggered a literal catastrophe. It was like the worst xmas ever perhaps. And I cant sleep well when I am here. I hate the house, and area too. It is pure depression and a bit cut off from the next big town. I hope a lot I can leave tomorrow. These "festive" days were the hardest of the year and set my mental health back a lot. I am working my entire life to distance myself from my family in a way that wont trigger catastrophe, but it is really hard and I financially depend on them, and emotionally it is really complicated....
I try to ignore all the normal, healthy happy adults having an enjoyable, free NYE etc. , but it is especially on these kind of "festive" days, that personal crises and difficult circumstances are particularly highlighted, and it is like a painful reminder of all my trauma too, it all resurfaces during these days.
sorry for all the personal venting but I literally get into crisis mode when I am here. I am literally waiting for time to pass.
 
Q

queen82

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Joined
Sep 9, 2020
Messages
4,529
tzollld said:
I shouldn't be staying for too long, I hope I can leave tomorrow. It is ridiculous becuz I am an adult, in fact for a few years now and both my parents are extremelyyy dysfunctional, in different, but very extreme ways. My mum is very very controlling, and doesn't really want me to go, plus due to her insane emotional attachment to me and taking everything personally, she literally has a breakdown or something if I wanna go early or just do something a little different than the rest of the family. It is toxic and unbearable. My father is simply silent and utterly detached from his emotions. Last week when it was xmas, and I was with them, and wanted to leave a day earlier, it triggered a literal catastrophe. It was like the worst xmas ever perhaps. And I cant sleep well when I am here. I hate the house, and area too. It is pure depression and a bit cut off from the next big town. I hope a lot I can leave tomorrow. These "festive" days were the hardest of the year and set my mental health back a lot. I am working my entire life to distance myself from my family in a way that wont trigger catastrophe, but it is really hard and I financially depend on them, and emotionally it is really complicated....
I try to ignore all the normal, healthy happy adults having an enjoyable, free NYE etc. , but it is especially on these kind of "festive" days, that personal crises and difficult circumstances are particularly highlighted, and it is like a painful reminder of all my trauma too, it all resurfaces during these days.
sorry for all the personal venting but I literally get into crisis mode when I am here. I am literally waiting for time to pass.
Click to expand...
really feel sorry for you
 
e-Enoch

e-Enoch

Superstar
Joined
Sep 21, 2021
Messages
17,895
tzollld said:
I shouldn't be staying for too long, I hope I can leave tomorrow. It is ridiculous becuz I am an adult, in fact for a few years now and both my parents are extremelyyy dysfunctional, in different, but very extreme ways. My mum is very very controlling, and doesn't really want me to go, plus due to her insane emotional attachment to me and taking everything personally, she literally has a breakdown or something if I wanna go early or just do something a little different than the rest of the family. It is toxic and unbearable. My father is simply silent and utterly detached from his emotions. Last week when it was xmas, and I was with them, and wanted to leave a day earlier, it triggered a literal catastrophe. It was like the worst xmas ever perhaps. And I cant sleep well when I am here. I hate the house, and area too. It is pure depression and a bit cut off from the next big town. I hope a lot I can leave tomorrow. These "festive" days were the hardest of the year and set my mental health back a lot. I am working my entire life to distance myself from my family in a way that wont trigger catastrophe, but it is really hard and I financially depend on them, and emotionally it is really complicated....
I try to ignore all the normal, healthy happy adults having an enjoyable, free NYE etc. , but it is especially on these kind of "festive" days, that personal crises and difficult circumstances are particularly highlighted, and it is like a painful reminder of all my trauma too, it all resurfaces during these days.
sorry for all the personal venting but I literally get into crisis mode when I am here. I am literally waiting for time to pass.
Click to expand...
Take care... this too shall pass...

Every problem has a terminal point...
 
A

Aamy

Star
Joined
Oct 3, 2021
Messages
1,630
tzollld said:
I shouldn't be staying for too long, I hope I can leave tomorrow. It is ridiculous becuz I am an adult, in fact for a few years now and both my parents are extremelyyy dysfunctional, in different, but very extreme ways. My mum is very very controlling, and doesn't really want me to go, plus due to her insane emotional attachment to me and taking everything personally, she literally has a breakdown or something if I wanna go early or just do something a little different than the rest of the family. It is toxic and unbearable. My father is simply silent and utterly detached from his emotions. Last week when it was xmas, and I was with them, and wanted to leave a day earlier, it triggered a literal catastrophe. It was like the worst xmas ever perhaps. And I cant sleep well when I am here. I hate the house, and area too. It is pure depression and a bit cut off from the next big town. I hope a lot I can leave tomorrow. These "festive" days were the hardest of the year and set my mental health back a lot. I am working my entire life to distance myself from my family in a way that wont trigger catastrophe, but it is really hard and I financially depend on them, and emotionally it is really complicated....
I try to ignore all the normal, healthy happy adults having an enjoyable, free NYE etc. , but it is especially on these kind of "festive" days, that personal crises and difficult circumstances are particularly highlighted, and it is like a painful reminder of all my trauma too, it all resurfaces during these days.
sorry for all the personal venting but I literally get into crisis mode when I am here. I am literally waiting for time to pass.
Click to expand...
Ah ! When you are speaking with me, you don't even need to worry or feel ashamed. It's not exposing your entire life. Just writing what you feel on this painful moment for you, and it's not the end of the world if it's a bit long, if people aren't interested about what you are actually saying, they just should ignore your post, and commenting about what they want. You aren't a burden at all, at least for me. It's even courageous of your part and could be interest others members who are certainly dealing with the same problems of yours, you just don't know it because I am sure about this : there are a lot of people who can't or don't dare to do the same things you do. Explain what your are suffering about and in this type of period, where people should be "happy" and having a good time with their family. Even if these members don't say it aloud, they certainly saying to themself :" thanks I am not crazy and I am not alone to go through this type of shit and sadness"
I know it's very difficult and painful to support toxic behavior from your own family. I can really understand the feeling, and I am sorry for you. Hope you can leave the most earlier possible, even if you have relative who deal with affective dependance and are ready to do anything for you don't leave them.

What is ridiculous? It's not. Even if you are an adult. Your inner guilt is too strong dear. I know more easier to speak about this, than doing something efficace on the moments. But still, don't degrade yourself because of this situation. People who deal with toxic bahvior who come from by their parents aren't ridiculous. They are actually very brave to not cracking if you want my point on here.

I should deal with toxic behaviors a lot, so I know about what I am speaking right now. I really hope you can leave your nightmare soon. Dealing with a controlling parent is quickly the hell.
 
A

Aamy

Star
Joined
Oct 3, 2021
Messages
1,630
tzollld said:
I shouldn't be staying for too long, I hope I can leave tomorrow. It is ridiculous becuz I am an adult, in fact for a few years now and both my parents are extremelyyy dysfunctional, in different, but very extreme ways. My mum is very very controlling, and doesn't really want me to go, plus due to her insane emotional attachment to me and taking everything personally, she literally has a breakdown or something if I wanna go early or just do something a little different than the rest of the family. It is toxic and unbearable. My father is simply silent and utterly detached from his emotions. Last week when it was xmas, and I was with them, and wanted to leave a day earlier, it triggered a literal catastrophe. It was like the worst xmas ever perhaps. And I cant sleep well when I am here. I hate the house, and area too. It is pure depression and a bit cut off from the next big town. I hope a lot I can leave tomorrow. These "festive" days were the hardest of the year and set my mental health back a lot. I am working my entire life to distance myself from my family in a way that wont trigger catastrophe, but it is really hard and I financially depend on them, and emotionally it is really complicated....
I try to ignore all the normal, healthy happy adults having an enjoyable, free NYE etc. , but it is especially on these kind of "festive" days, that personal crises and difficult circumstances are particularly highlighted, and it is like a painful reminder of all my trauma too, it all resurfaces during these days.
sorry for all the personal venting but I literally get into crisis mode when I am here. I am literally waiting for time to pass.
Click to expand...
And then ? Why are you saying your are sorry? There are people like me who started to smoke weed and cigarettes because of the stress and the pain of some events because of their own weakness. I am not perfect at all too, but look, I still have good side in me, and I still love people. And I love people who try to go away from their suffering, because it means to me that they are still strong, even if unfortunately they degraded themself
 
T

tzollld

Rookie
Joined
Dec 2, 2021
Messages
47
Aamy said:
Ah ! When you are speaking with me, you don't even need to worry or feel ashamed. It's not exposing your entire life. Just writing what you feel on this painful moment for you, and it's not the end of the world if it's a bit long, if people aren't interested about what you are actually saying, they just should ignore your post, and commenting about what they want. You aren't a burden at all, at least for me. It's even courageous of your part and could be interest others members who are certainly dealing with the same problems of yours, you just don't know it because I am sure about this : there are a lot of people who can't or don't dare to do the same things you do. Explain what your are suffering about and in this type of period, where people should be "happy" and having a good time with their family. Even if these members don't say it aloud, they certainly saying to themself :" thanks I am not crazy and I am not alone to go through this type of shit and sadness"
I know it's very difficult and painful to support toxic behavior from your own family. I can really understand the feeling, and I am sorry for you. Hope you can leave the most earlier possible, even if you have relative who deal with affective dependance and are ready to do anything for you don't leave them.

What is ridiculous? It's not. Even if you are an adult. Your inner guilt is too strong dear. I know more easier to speak about this, than doing something efficace on the moments. But still, don't degrade yourself because of this situation. People who deal with toxic bahvior who come from by their parents aren't ridiculous. They are actually very brave to not cracking if you want my point on here.

I should deal with toxic behaviors a lot, so I know about what I am speaking right now. I really hope you can leave your nightmare soon. Dealing with a controlling parent is quickly the hell.
Click to expand...
Thank you very much for your kind words !
Yeah, emotional toxicity is really really tough.
I do get extremely sad when I visit other people, and their parents are just fkn NORMAL AND NICE.
That is SUCH a privilege.....
And I know thats not everyone, and plenty of other ppl have very difficult parents, but yeah.
It was very traumatic, my entire childhood, very isolated and lonely, in that setting. When I go back to my parents, I immediately feel like that
traumatized, helpless child again, it is very retraumatizing. Oh, how I want things to improve...!
Another sad NYE. May future ones be better...
 
T

tzollld

Rookie
Joined
Dec 2, 2021
Messages
47
Aamy said:
And then ? Why are you saying your are sorry? There are people like me who started to smoke weed and cigarettes because of the stress and the pain of some events because of their own weakness. I am not perfect at all too, but look, I still have good side in me, and I still love people. And I love people who try to go away from their suffering, because it means to me that they are still strong, even if unfortunately they degraded themself
Click to expand...
There is no shame in weed and cigarettes, I have my involvement with those things too. And I certainly do not doubt that you have good in you ! I dont doubt it at all. May we have the strength to improve our lives and overcome our struggles. A good new year to you, and everyone else on the forum too, no matter what you're doing right now.
It would be nice, if perhaps, just perhaps, the darn pandemic could get better next year ?
Who knows.
 
A

Aamy

Star
Joined
Oct 3, 2021
Messages
1,630
tzollld said:
Thank you very much for your kind words !
Yeah, emotional toxicity is really really tough.
I do get extremely sad when I visit other people, and their parents are just fkn NORMAL AND NICE.
That is SUCH a privilege.....
And I know thats not everyone, and plenty of other ppl have very difficult parents, but yeah.
It was very traumatic, my entire childhood, very isolated and lonely, in that setting. When I go back to my parents, I immediately feel like that
traumatized, helpless child again, it is very retraumatizing. Oh, how I want things to improve...!
Another sad NYE. May future ones be better...
Click to expand...
Happy new year to you dear. And to everyone by the way, don't thanks me it's very normal for me, I really hope you will be go away the sooner, I know emotional toxic behavior are the worst. And people have their level of toxicity. I know it's complicated with controlling parents, but if you are litteraly sick and they gave you ptds, stop for your own protection to see them. It's really hard I know, but it's better than to stay with people who don't want to you to be what you should are, and who project their inner bad behavior toward you. It can be take years, so I know patience is the key. And like you are strong, I am not worry. You will win one day over them.

Know this really hurt. I know what you are talking about even if I don't go through what you actually live. When I lost my dad, it was so painful for me to see families together. To heard some fucking and stupid ingrats boys and girls criticize their parents who give everything to them, even their sanity. You heard them complain about their life, when you already know that they didn't have any experiences about loss and suffering... so yeah, I can understand that it's unfair for you and I am sorry for this.

We shouldn't forget that even if it's unfair for most of the people, that even in good families there can be some problems and toxicity behavior, even if it's not the same level as us. We should remember it to not fall into the tiresome circle of " it's unfair why me?"
 
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