How Do You Know If You're Programmed?

[LadyNocturna33]

Also, Gremlins was used for programming. It just isn't commonly mentioned.

That doesn't surprise me at all. I still don't understand why people call it a kid's movie to this day. I still think it's scary, but maybe that's my bias.

Programming is going to center around the preferences of the abuser, so this becomes more varied as media increases. The way to know what was used to program you is to know the abuser well. This can create a barrier to understanding how you were scripted to control the way you behave in the present because when you want to come out of the darkness, you will more than likely have some hatred for your abuser. It is not so easy to watch a movie that you know they would enjoy because it can re-create a connection to the perpetrator that the victim wants to sever as much as they want to understand.

Anyways, for what it's worth, Gremlins is not outside the realm of possibility in the world of programming.

I need to think about this, because my father always repeated things endlessly that he wanted me to be/or to do. Sometimes just kept repeating the same phrases for hours, or interrogated me for hours about my motives for something. He also always boasted about how he controlled people at work and could make them cry at his whim etc. It does sound a little like he did know what he was doing, at least partially.

He is also the first one that brought me into contact with the occult, he came home from a holiday when I was 14 with a book called ''spells for teenage witches'' and said he was sure I would make a good witch. I was smitten with the present and was attracted to it immediately because I thought it would give me power when I felt powerless.

 

[rainerann]

Interesting to read!

I did realize the difference between me and an MK-ultra victim is that the programming was intentional, in my case I am pretty sure it's not intentional. Well of course there were some things I was taught to be like the above, but I was not made ready for some agenda. At least not as far as I am aware of.

It's just the similarities that make me wonder if I am a 'sleeper' at times.

I think that's what made it possible for me to heal most of my scars

I think, if I am understanding you correctly, that you have just identified another piece of evidence of programming.

Programming is a long term process, so generally, there is some external resistance to seeking therapy.

Financial hindrances would be the first to come to mind. When you are a victim of programming, you may find that you will suddenly lose your job or something if you try to get help; or, in some way, the goal of getting help will seem to be moved farther and farther away from you in a way that doesn't seem within your control. It is as though someone else doesn't want you to get help.

If as an adult, when you did decide to get help, there were no real external hindrances to this process. I would think that you were probably not abused with the intention of making you obedient throughout your life. I could be wrong though.

However, this doesn't mean that you don't have things that remain hidden from the abuse that is still affecting your life. Healing from trauma can be a lifelong process. We are really so lucky that there have been so many brave therapists who have worked so that all victims are able to heal from their experiences.

 

[rainerann]

That doesn't surprise me at all. I still don't understand why people call it a kid's movie to this day. I still think it's scary, but maybe that's my bias.



I need to think about this, because my father always repeated things endlessly that he wanted me to be/or to do. Sometimes just kept repeating the same phrases for hours, or interrogated me for hours about my motives for something. He also always boasted about how he controlled people at work and could make them cry at his whim etc. It does sound a little like he did know what he was doing, at least partially.

He is also the first one that brought me into contact with the occult, he came home from a holiday when I was 14 with a book called ''spells for teenage witches'' and said he was sure I would make a good witch. I was smitten with the present and was attracted to it immediately because I thought it would give me power when I felt powerless.

Have you ever looked into the subject of ritual abuse? What you are describing reminds me of that. It might be worth looking into if you haven't already.

 

[LadyNocturna33]

I think, if I am understanding you correctly, that you have just identified another piece of evidence of programming.

Programming is a long term process, so generally, there is some external resistance to seeking therapy.

Well, my dad has been vehemently against me seeking help. Always saying I was perfectly normal and just an attention seeker, and definitely tried to keep me away from any help. Because help was offered during my childhood, but when I wasn't mature yet he always said to any helpers as I mentioned in the OP that I just had adolescent problems or that I was entirely normal and he didn't recognize the image that the people investigating me had.

And because I didn't show emotion to them, they all though it couldn't be that bad indeed. It's only when I broke free from home by living in a squat that I eventually sought help again. Only to be sent away soon by the first psychiatric hospital I was at because they said they couldn't handle me and they didn't know what was wrong with me.

Financial hindrances would be the first to come to mind. When you are a victim of programming, you may find that you will suddenly lose your job or something if you try to get help; or, in some way, the goal of getting help will seem to be moved farther and farther away from you in a way that doesn't seem within your control. It is as though someone else doesn't want you to get help.

Well I lost one job after another, but I live in a country with a secure benefits system. So I got help regardless, because healthcare is free and I had benefits to rely on. If I would've had to rely on my family no one would've helped me. My dad said that work was the only solution to my problems, if I had any at all.

If as an adult, when you did decide to get help, there were no real external hindrances to this process. I would think that you were probably not abused with the intention of making you obedient throughout your life. I could be wrong though.

As said above, I don't think that's the case. I just do think my case has similarities with MK that I don't know how to interpret.

 

[LadyNocturna33]

Have you ever looked into the subject of ritual abuse? What you are describing reminds me of that. It might be worth looking into if you haven't already.

Yeah I know about that, but I don't remember anything of the sort. I would say that such major traumatic events should leave memories.

Except being scared of mirrors for no reason as a kid. I used to break them because I thought I saw 'witches' in them, which is something my dad made fun of me for.

 

[rainerann]

Yeah I know about that, but I don't remember anything of the sort. I would say that such major traumatic events should leave memories.

Except being scared of mirrors for no reason as a kid. I used to break them because I thought I saw 'witches' in them, which is something my dad made fun of me for.

They actually don't, especially when your father is involved. I have read through countless stories of abuse and I have found that it is more common for children to suffer memory lapses if the father is involved as a perpetrator. That's not a rule, just an observation. The mind is more likely to forget an event when their father is involved.

That doesn't mean that this is the case, it just means it is a possibility, but the subject of ritual abuse might be worthwhile especially if your father is giving you occultic books as a teenager. If anything it could help you help someone else. Maybe you have a calling for something like this.

 

[LadyNocturna33]

They actually don't, especially when your father is involved. I have read through countless stories of abuse and I have found that it is more common for children to suffer memory lapses if the father is involved as a perpetrator. That's not a rule, just an observation. The mind is more likely to forget an event when their father is involved.

That doesn't mean that this is the case, it just means it is a possibility, but the subject of ritual abuse might be worthwhile especially if your father is giving you occultic books as a teenager. If anything it could help you help someone else. Maybe you have a calling for something like this.

I do recall that my dad always insisted on being naked in the house, I have plenty of pictures of me with him in the bathtub where he's naked etc. I know it made me majorly uncomfy as a teen, and he would laugh at me for being prude for locking myself up in the bathroom.

My first sexual encounter I remember was with a guy about 4 years my senior who cut his nails into sharp points and had scratched my entire back open, and all my dad said upon storming into the bathroom when I forgot to lock it was ''kinky, who did that to you'? I was 14..

I still don't think he abused me. But that was definitely off. And I still think it's off. I guess I should talk to my therapist about it.

 

[rainerann]

I do recall that my dad always insisted on being naked in the house, I have plenty of pictures of me with him in the bathtub where he's naked etc. I know it made me majorly uncomfy as a teen, and he would laugh at me for being prude for locking myself up in the bathroom.

My first sexual encounter I remember was with a guy about 4 years my senior who cut his nails into sharp points and had scratched my entire back open, and all my dad said upon storming into the bathroom when I forgot to lock it was ''kinky, who did that to you'? I was 14..

I still don't think he abused me. But that was definitely off. And I still think it's off. I guess I should talk to my therapist about it.

Yah, I think talking your therapist about this would be a good idea. Both of those encounters would be sexual/relational boundary violations. It would be good to talk with a therapist about this because sometimes things like this can be difficult to identify without support.

 

[Aero]

I shall refer to one of my previous comments about "general" programming. The scripts that seem to pervade all throughout our populations. Like it didn't take some grand scheme for them to target all our parents. It was easy for them, and our parents had no idea what was going on. They have controlled the narrative every step of the way. Conventional wisdom pushes our conscious minds away from Mk Ultra. I mean there are huge lists of labels ready to go for this shit.

And I get that my theory is difficult for people to accept. You all want to assume it didn't happen to you. Or you want to think you have not been affected but you have. This website and some of the people it attract have done a good job of separating victims from each other. Separated by class or status. Strength or weakness. If you aren't getting the picture from my words, than maybe it's too deep for you. You should stay in the land of projections where it's comfortable.

 

[LadyNocturna33]

Yah, I think talking your therapist about this would be a good idea. Both of those encounters would be sexual/relational boundary violations. It would be good to talk with a therapist about this because sometimes things like this can be difficult to identify without support.

Yeah. You are right I should.

After all I discussed today in the thread I felt dissociative again. I went out for shopping and it felt like everything around me wasn't real, a feeling I've had for a long time but that had been gone for about two years. I guess I triggered something I can't quite put my finger on yet.

Just finding myself is really, really hard. I've only recently started to get some solid idea of identity independent from other people and their ideas. I was told I was a 'parrot' when I was young because I started to act and sound exactly like whoever was dominant in my life at the time I was with them. I just did that in the hope of pleasing and being accepted.

I realized today I know at least 3 people I grew up with who are pedo's. Two of them I remember being too physical (ie my uncle starting to rub my arm in a very strange erotic way in front of the family while no-one did anything and he only stopped because after a while I said 'are you crazy? stop it!' and he did. And another time when I was sent to pick up some paintings with an artist friend of my father who was 45 at the time and I was 15 and he had his hand on my leg while driving and told me he wanted me to pose nude for him).
The third was the father of the daughter of a friend of my mother, who was born on the same day as I was. My mother met her friend in hospital after giving birth in the recovery room.

I just realized it's probably uncommon to know so many pedo's just randomly. Also my father's sister killed herself, and my father's uncle was known for sexually abusing some family members including her. My grandfather and my father both have important positions in their social circle, my grandfather being knighted by the queen and my father being part of an elite educational board with only 10 members for the entire country.

I could really write a book about it all. Every time I think I've solved the puzzle, more pieces come up.

 

[Faker He-Man]

I could really write a book about it all. Every time I think I've solved the puzzle, more pieces come up.

I highly recommend seeking out a genuine (I'm not sure if there are frauds out there, but I would assume so) QHHT practitioner if you want to go straight to your own subconscious for answers, way better than relying on blind guesses and belief, and absolutely life-changing for most. See if there is one anywhere near your area. If not, there are some who are willing to work via skype or similar. Be prepared for an astounding experience, especially if you can find a good practitioner who is able to help you ask the really important questions.

 

[LadyNocturna33]

I highly recommend seeking out a genuine (I'm not sure if there are frauds out there, but I would assume so) QHHT practitioner if you want to go straight to your own subconscious for answers, way better than relying on blind guesses and belief, and absolutely life-changing for most. See if there is one anywhere near your area. If not, there are some who are willing to work via skype or similar. Be prepared for an astounding experience, especially if you can find a good practitioner who is able to help you ask the really important questions.

What is QHHT?

I don't live in the US mind you

 

[Faker He-Man]

What is QHHT?

I don't live in the US mind you

https://www.qhhtofficial.com/

 

[Red Sky at Morning]

https://www.qhhtofficial.com/

"This technique will very quickly allow people to access that part of themselves that has all of the answers and receive instantaneous healing if it’s appropriate.

Many people call this part the Higher Self, the Over Soul, the Super Conscious"

 

[LadyNocturna33]

"This technique will very quickly allow people to access that part of themselves that has all of the answers and receive instantaneous healing if it’s appropriate.

Many people call this part the Higher Self, the Over Soul, the Super Conscious"

I don't think more focus on occult practice is going to help me.

Yeah maybe to go back to sleep. But that wasn't the idea here

 

[Faker He-Man]

I don't think more focus on occult practice is going to help me.

Yeah maybe to go back to sleep. But that wasn't the idea here

I understand it all seems very strange. Don't let the jargon and general strangeness scare you away. I suggest researching it some more and see how it has truly helped people before judging. "Future Self" is probably a more accurate term, although it's really an over-simplification of the concept but still.. a starting point at least.

 

[justjess]

I've had readings done that were similar - not hypnosis but to tap the higher self - and they were incredibly helpful.

If you don't believe in judeo Christian religions this stuff really isn't "occult"

 

[Red Sky at Morning]

I've had readings done that were similar - not hypnosis but to tap the higher self - and they were incredibly helpful.

If you don't believe in judeo Christian religions this stuff really isn't "occult"

I don't want to have to be the one to point it out, but if you tape over a warning light on your dashboard, the engine problem it indicates to the driver remains unchanged.

 

[rainerann]

I don't think more focus on occult practice is going to help me.

Yeah maybe to go back to sleep. But that wasn't the idea here

It reminds me a little bit of EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). Basically, it just helps get past the first layers of fear that were created with the abuse in order to help you communicate what you would otherwise be unable to do.

However, I would make sure to question whether practitioner of the quantum hypnosis stuff has any experience with trauma. It doesn't look like most of the practitioners list this as a qualification and people can want hypnosis for so many different things like quitting smoking and such. A therapist could spend the majority of the time in their practice dealing with non trauma issues. That would worry me.

EMDR is a therapy developed for people diagnosed with PTSD so the practitioners are all going to have more experience working with victims of trauma. However, in both cases, there is preparation that needs to be done because you will need to have some grasp of healthy coping mechanisms and surviving flashbacks in order to enter into these things more deeply. You are already doing these things by writing and seeing a therapist. The Quantum therapy or EMDR would be like a next step option if the writing and talking didn't seem to help you reach a solid conclusion. It might be worth checking into whether you are ready for something like this now or at a future time.

 

[rainerann]

What really gave it all away for me was when I realized I had photographic memory. And my brain is able to organize the images and information in ways that can't be normal. Hyper-sexuality is also a big sign. What about your dreams? My dreams only fall into 3 categories. Violent dreams. Dreams where I'm lost. And sexual dreams.

Question: do you feel like it is easier to respond to certain threads because they trigger you rather than write something about your experiences from scratch?

I would call that a symptom of potential programming. I wouldn't feel comfortable saying it were proof, but needing some way to trigger a response would simulate the process created in programming. Someone who was abused with the intention of making them respond to certain triggers might need some type of permission to talk about things. Having other people discuss this topic simulates permission. There might be a better way to word this, but hopefully you will understand what I mean.

Another question that you don't have to answer if you don't want. In the dreams where you are lost, do they always end the same way or do the endings vary? Could you describe an example of a dream where you are lost.