Ok, you know all of this is hard when you do not take the Bible in context.
I come out of a really terrible house, my father abused my mom, he verbally abused me, I am an only child. There was no order and no love, he cheated and even had a gun to my mom's head a few times. And all through this God taught me this is not normal, I remember His voice explaining how it should be, explaining how arguments should be handled. If it wasn't for God I would have certainly not be in a normal marriage of 7 years today with a loving husband, and having peace in our house - I would have either chosen an abusive man or have been abusive myself!
What God has been teaching me through His Word all through the years and also through experience is that husband and wife are equal but we have different roles, he is wise in some areas that I am not - we are a team, we have equal say, and sometimes I am wiser as I am stronger as a woman discerning feelings and caring, he - in our marriage specifically (it differs from marriage to marriage) is better with financial choices, protecting us (he is stronger obviously all men are) etc.
There are some things men do better than women and some things women do better than men - we are supposed to be a team, we are stronger together. Submitting to your husband doesn't mean he rules your life, it means respecting him and his choices as protector of the family. We are supposed to reflect the relationship in a marriage that Jesus has with His church (church being believers) that is why marriage was created - as well as the fellowship we have with our spouse, the togetherness. These are things God taught me.
It doesn't help to try and understand the Bible without the Holy Spirit, we tend to keep misunderstanding it, The Holy Spirit is like corrective glasses, we don't see color without Him (like someone who only sees black and white, they do not understand color at all until they put on the corrective glasses). I really hope you can all understand this.... That is my hearts desire!