Why Do Empaths Attract Narcissists, Sociopaths And Psychoaths

[Vixy]

Fair enough.. psychology is also a major interest of mine so maybe figuring these kind of things out is more fun for me then it should be and I’m trying real hard to distract myself this morning. Didn’t mean to push

Girl you didnt push. I find your replies respectful. I'm just like that myself, I love psychology and it started with one of my exes, everybody told me something was wrong with him and as time went by I witnessed him saying things no normal person says so I too understood something was very wrong.
So I got into reading about psychology and stopped not until I found the answer. That guy kept going like he had, bc of his autism he didnt now how to interact with others so at a party he said the completely wrong thing to the completely wrong person and he ended up getting beaten to death at the party, he died this summer, 38 years old. He had no understanding of other peoples feelings or what pushes people at all and yeah, hes now dead for it.

We all knew it was a matter of time before that happened. He could be so incredibly mean! One time three girls came crying to me about their friend locked in the bathroom, turns out he saw their friend in the hallway and told her "WOOOW, I wouldnt wanna meet you in a dark alley!" The girl was so offended that she refused to come out of the bathroom for the rest of the evening. He really hurt her. He was the same towards me; he could tell me how ugly my hair and my teeth was (there was nothing wrong with them, I was quite a looker actually) out of the blue. He had no capacity of understanding he hurt other peoples feelings and why not to do that.

Another guy that I knew in my teens and met later on, ended up stabbed 18 times and almost died from blood loss bf the ambulance came because he was also autistic and could do things like this:

I had a friend with me who everyone knew was a hard criminal. He was tattooed on his face, a former bodybuilder and yeah, you get the idea. You could tell what he was about. Now he had a thing with his gf about her having been raped and him not being able to find the guys so he felt pretty useless and she was on him about it, nagging so it was extra sensitive.

My friend knew about this, walked up to him and said "If youre so big and bad, how come you didnt do anyhting about the guys who raped your girlfriend?"

Not only did he show any respect for me by letting my friend know I told him about it but he walked right up to a hard criminal and pushed his softest most inflamed spot and actually got SURPRISED when my friend reacted.

THAT'S autism.

I understand why he was attacked, can only imagine what he did or said..ugh.

 

[Aero]

Yeeeaah...earning empathy.. Thats not how a normal mind works. Empathy comes from seeing a fellow man suffer. If you saw an old man stumble and fall on the street you would seriously ask yourself "I wonder if he deserves my empathy? Well well, time will tell!" Meanwhle he falls and breaks his leg? You make NO sense whatsoever. Arguing with someone who is of this standpoint is arguing with evil; pointless. You'll never get it.

Yes, I have a fascination of psychology, you are right there. Its a hobby and big interest of mine and I have studied psychopathology for many years.

Bipolar means one has ups and downs, not just downs, and bipolar is nothing like autism so that you would hint to that, shows that your knowledge in psychology is low.

Lol, you aren't an old man stumbling on the street though. You are complaining about ex-boyfriends over the internet. I have no obligation to empathize with your relationship troubles if you yourself don't acknowledge reality.

Bi-polar has its up and downs, I will agree with that. But you are going to sit here and say you never had good times with any of these dudes? Because that would be a load of crap. How did you even get in a relationship if there weren't any ups?

 

[Vixy]

Yeah I agree as I said above I had one client diagnosed autistic but was very manipulative so I felt the diagnosis was wrong and he was actually sociopathic since manipulation requires an advanced understanding of other people’s emotions and social norms coupled with a level of disregard of it and feeling that it doesn’t apply to them, rather than an autistic who just doesn’t understand it and can’t explain it or feel it because of the way their brain works. Can’t mimic what you can’t understand and the black and white thinking common in autistic people doesn’t allow for manipulation either.

Did u consider narcissism or borderline? The first guy sounds more borderline to me. They fight desperately not to lose a relationship and do nothing to preserve it before hand - typically the result of abuse/neglect in early childhood causing changes to normal brain development.

Yeah, I considered it all but nothing ft in like autism. I mean these guys could isolate themselves with their interests for weeks on end..and there were so many other signs that fit in perfecty like very into details. They would focus on details and miss the whole thing.

 

[Vixy]

Lol, you aren't an old man stumbling on the street though. You are complaining about ex-boyfriends over the internet. I have no obligation to empathize with your relationship troubles if you yourself don't acknowledge reality.

Bi-polar has its up and downs, I will agree with that. But you are going to sit here and say you never had good times with any of these dudes? Because that would be a load of crap. How did you even get in a relationship if there weren't any ups?

Not really like that, no.It was always me taking them out to meet people and doing things. If they got to decide they would prefer to sit in a darkened room with only the pc and me on the couch being quiet. I always had to make sure we at least did something.

You misunderstood me about the other thing..I mean empathy comes naturally. From your heart, empathy is nothing one thinks about or plans out..as an autist would think, it just comes. If it doesnt come, its bot there and probably bc you dont have the capacity to feel it.

 

[Dalit]

One could think so but one of the differences between an autistic man and a psychopath is that the psychopath is very social and manipulative whilst the autistic will avoid being social for the most part since it drains them to keep track of how to behave to be seen as okay or to at least blend in. So they werent psychopathic although one could easily mistake them of that. None of them drank or did drugs. They also all worked but I heard that some of them are on disability themselves today, I suspect they have been diagnosed and are in too bad of a shape to work.

"You accept the love you think you deserve" from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Start loving and respecting yourself a little more and say no to scrubs.

 

[justjess]

Yeah @Aero but the bads with bipolar don’t look anything like autism either. There may be a lack of empathy and understanding while in the midst of a mood episode but it isn’t an overarching personality characteristic and when they are at baseline completely disappears. And I don’t feel like it’s ever completely lacking.. using relational models of behavior change you can typically get through to them somewhat if the strength of the relationship with the intervener is strong enough. Unless there mania has progressed to psychosis and then it’s all bets off until some sort of medication stabilized them back to baseline. I actually think it’s more difficult to manage due to the day to day variation - jekyl and Hyde esque.

With an autistic person symptoms are constistnant across the board until interventions start working and still need to be processed so takes years, that’s why early intervention is so important immediately upon diagnosis and with reputable by the book companies. You can’t just wing it.

 

[justjess]

Not really like that, no.It was always me taking them out to meet people and doing things. If they got to decide they would prefer to sit in a darkened room with only the pc and me on the couch being quiet. I always had to make sure we at least did something.

You misunderstood me about the other thing..I mean empathy comes naturally. From your heart, empathy is nothing one thinks about or plans out..as an autist would think, it just comes. If it doesnt come, its bot there and probably bc you dont have the capacity to feel it.

Don’t have the capacity to understand and express it, not the same thing. Interventions can help if caught early enough and high quality

 

[justjess]

I had a couple of middle school autistic clients, high functioning.. “ your nails are too long ms jessica” “what’s wrong with your face ms jessica” (I’d had no sleep the night before” just random insensitive comments they didn’t even realize were or int nd to be. It’s a quirk, they tend to be blunt and have black and white thinking plus no filters. They don’t understand the social impact their statements have etc. difficult population to work with for sure.

 

[Vixy]

"You accept the love you think you deserve" from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Start loving and respecting yourself a little more and say no to scrubs.

I do love myself, thats why I get angry when I meet guys like this but..its not their fault either. Lately Iäve started believeing that maybe I meet them for a reason? Maybe Im meant to help them because they DO suffer, make no mistake. I feel a great deal of respect due to their suffering. They dont intend on being mean, it just happens that way bc of this handicap.

I had a couple of middle school autistic clients, high functioning.. “ your nails are too long ms jessica” “what’s wrong with your face ms jessica” (I’d had no sleep the night before” just random insensitive comments they didn’t even realize were or int nd to be. It’s a quirk, they tend to be blunt and have black and white thinking plus no filters. They don’t understand the social impact their statements have etc. difficult population to work with for sure.

Exactly like that! No filters. How do you handle it? Any tips?

 

[justjess]

Umm... constantly reminding myself it is a manifestation of their disability and not meant cruelly. When the statement is made I try to give them a brief explanation (I didn’t sleep last night or I like my nails this way) and then move on and do not engage in any other comment in the same vein. Increase positive reinforcement for socially acceptable response such as praise or rewards etc.

Planned ignoring and extinction can also work. Once they realize they will not get a reaction it subsided, typically after a very difficult period where it temporarily increases exponentially. While that goes on do not react at all or all progress will be lost and the behavior will get worse. DePends on the client really and any co occurring issues they might have but that’s the general protocol.

 

[sim hae]

Another? So you're autistic?

Why did I date them? Well had I known back in my youth what an autistic man was like and what were the signs of them being autistic, I would have RUN! Took me many many years to figure out what was wrong and after that learning how to spot it.

Now dont ge tme wrong, I have nothing agaisnt autistics, including you. I know what fukn horrible suffering it is for you guys but I need empathy and emotions in a relationship and cant do without it.

Btw: Have you heard about Professor Chris Exleys studies on autism? Its curable now so if you want to get well, you can.

Yes, I am one and no thank you.


Look, regardless of their condition, they still had common traits that you find offensive or simply unattractive. So I'll rephrase my question: why did you keep going after the same type of man again and again and again? What did you find so irresistible? Why did you never go for an extroverted man, for example? Why us?

BTW, did you once say that your mother is autistic too, or do I have you confused with someone else?

 

[Vixy]

Yes, I am one and no thank you.


Look, regardless of their condition, they still had common traits that you find offensive or simply unattractive. So I'll rephrase my question: why did you keep going after the same type of man again and again and again? What did you find so irresistible? Why did you never go for an extroverted man, for example? Why us?

BTW, did you once say that your mother is autistic too, or do I have you confused with someone else?

You're absolutely correct. My mother is autistic and I think I've subconsciously been looking for a guy just as weird as her thinking if I could get close to him and figure out what was wrong with him, I could find out what was wrong with mom and it worked. Through them I figured out what she suffers from.

The thing is that they seem normal in the beginning but with time I noticed something wasnt right. And by then I ended it but several of them didnt let me and would insist on that we were a couple although I didnt want to. My father wouldnt help me with the guy I lived with so I had to wait 2 years before he finally understood it wasnt gonna work and moved. By then I was severly emotioanlly destroyed and was a wreck of the person I used to be.

I thought once I knew what was wrong with them, it would end that I wouldnt meet anymore with aspergers but it has continued. I'd say its an epidemic in my country, my friends boyfriends have asd aswell. At least 60% of them. Finding a normal guy these days seems impossible so I've decided to be alone.

I dont blame them though, I respect their suffering ammensly, they dont mean to hurt us, people act strange when sick and in need. But I cant be with an autist if I want to survive emotionally.

A short answer to your question would be part its an epidemic where I live, part could be bc of been raised by an autistic mother so I'm programmed to be around them and part maybe I'm meant to meet them so I can help them? I dont know about the last part though since they seem to see themselves as superiour to us neurotypicals and dont want to change and if they dont want to become neurotypical then I cant help them. The only thing they had in common was that they were goodlooking. I saw nothing else in the beginning about them..At all.

But as soon as I notice theyre autistic I end it. Its always several months into the relationship though, in fact I just broke it off with another one of them. He's only 26 yet hes so bad off that he cant look anyoe in the eyes. :/ Goodlooking guy to but it doesnt work.

Lately I meet those who are in REAL bad shape. The last three wanted to meet once a month, a couple of days every three (!!) months and so on.. They are so bad off they have to isolate themselves in order to keep going bc the impressions wears them down so hard.

God, I wanna help them so bad but they dont listen! I firmly believe in Exleys cure. And his findings also go hand in hand with it being due to aluminum since some areas have more aluminum in the ground and from chemtrails.

 

[mecca]

Now dont ge tme wrong, I have nothing agaisnt autistics, including you. I know what fukn horrible suffering it is for you guys but I need empathy and emotions in a relationship and cant do without it.

People with autism do have empathy and emotions. It’s a stereotype to say that they can’t feel them.

 

[Red Sky at Morning]

You're absolutely correct. My mother is autistic and I think I've subconsciously been looking for a guy just as weird as her thinking if I could get close to him and figure out what was wrong with him, I could find out what was wrong with mom and it worked. Through them I figured out what she suffers from.

The thing is that they seem normal in the beginning but with time I noticed something wasnt right. And by then I ended it but several of them didnt let me and would insist on that we were a couple although I didnt want to. My father wouldnt help me with the guy I lived with so I had to wait 2 years before he finally understood it wasnt gonna work and moved. By then I was severly emotioanlly destroyed and was a wreck of the person I used to be.

I thought once I knew what was wrong with them, it would end that I wouldnt meet anymore with aspergers but it has continued. I'd say its an epidemic in my country, my friends boyfriends have asd aswell. At least 60% of them. Finding a normal guy these days seems impossible so I've decided to be alone.

I dont blame them though, I respect their suffering ammensly, they dont mean to hurt us, people act strange when sick and in need. But I cant be with an autist if I want to survive emotionally.

A short answer to your question would be part its an epidemic where I live, part could be bc of been raised by an autistic mother so I'm programmed to be around them and part maybe I'm meant to meet them so I can help them? I dont know about the last part though since they seem to see themselves as superiour to us neurotypicals and dont want to change and if they dont want to become neurotypical then I cant help them. The only thing they had in common was that they were goodlooking. I saw nothing else in the beginning about them..At all.

But as soon as I notice theyre autistic I end it. Its always several months into the relationship though, in fact I just broke it off with another one of them. He's only 26 yet hes so bad off that he cant look anyoe in the eyes. :/ Goodlooking guy to but it doesnt work.

Lately I meet those who are in REAL bad shape. The last three wanted to meet once a month, a couple of days every three (!!) months and so on.. They are so bad off they have to isolate themselves in order to keep going bc the impressions wears them down so hard.

God, I wanna help them so bad but they dont listen! I firmly believe in Exleys cure. And his findings also go hand in hand with it being due to aluminum since some areas have more aluminum in the ground and from chemtrails.

Do you have any links discussing Prof Exley's ideas on possible cures or treatments? Very interesting as I met him some years back when he was working on Alzheimer's.

 

[Dalit]

You're absolutely correct. My mother is autistic and I think I've subconsciously been looking for a guy just as weird as her thinking if I could get close to him and figure out what was wrong with him, I could find out what was wrong with mom and it worked. Through them I figured out what she suffers from.

The thing is that they seem normal in the beginning but with time I noticed something wasnt right. And by then I ended it but several of them didnt let me and would insist on that we were a couple although I didnt want to. My father wouldnt help me with the guy I lived with so I had to wait 2 years before he finally understood it wasnt gonna work and moved. By then I was severly emotioanlly destroyed and was a wreck of the person I used to be.

I thought once I knew what was wrong with them, it would end that I wouldnt meet anymore with aspergers but it has continued. I'd say its an epidemic in my country, my friends boyfriends have asd aswell. At least 60% of them. Finding a normal guy these days seems impossible so I've decided to be alone.

I dont blame them though, I respect their suffering ammensly, they dont mean to hurt us, people act strange when sick and in need. But I cant be with an autist if I want to survive emotionally.

A short answer to your question would be part its an epidemic where I live, part could be bc of been raised by an autistic mother so I'm programmed to be around them and part maybe I'm meant to meet them so I can help them? I dont know about the last part though since they seem to see themselves as superiour to us neurotypicals and dont want to change and if they dont want to become neurotypical then I cant help them. The only thing they had in common was that they were goodlooking. I saw nothing else in the beginning about them..At all.

But as soon as I notice theyre autistic I end it. Its always several months into the relationship though, in fact I just broke it off with another one of them. He's only 26 yet hes so bad off that he cant look anyoe in the eyes. :/ Goodlooking guy to but it doesnt work.

Lately I meet those who are in REAL bad shape. The last three wanted to meet once a month, a couple of days every three (!!) months and so on.. They are so bad off they have to isolate themselves in order to keep going bc the impressions wears them down so hard.

God, I wanna help them so bad but they dont listen! I firmly believe in Exleys cure. And his findings also go hand in hand with it being due to aluminum since some areas have more aluminum in the ground and from chemtrails.

Hey, @Vixy . I wasn't trying to say you didn't love yourself or didn't have self-respect, but if you do or don't, that's okay. I've been there. It's okay to take time, years in fact, for yourself and not be in a relationship.

And it does sound like you're trying to work stuff out with your mother through guys like your mother. I get that, too. Used to try to work stuff out with guys up to 20 years older than me because I thought it would solve the fact that I've only felt conditionally loved by my own father. It didn't. Had to realize my dad is just a man who can't really show unconditional love because he never received it himself. Had to forgive him and let him off the hook and still have to do so. He's hella harsh sometimes.

Sorry to sound like Dear Abby here. Love yourself and don't take crap off of others. If they don't see your value, let them go. Be the one to walk away first.

 

[Vixy]

Hey, @Vixy . I wasn't trying to say you didn't love yourself or didn't have self-respect, but if you do or don't, that's okay. I've been there. It's okay to take time, years in fact, for yourself and not be in a relationship.

And it does sound like you're trying to work stuff out with your mother through guys like your mother. I get that, too. Used to try to work stuff out with guys up to 20 years older than me because I thought it would solve the fact that I've only felt conditionally loved by my own father. It didn't. Had to realize my dad is just a man who can't really show unconditional love because he never received it himself. Had to forgive him and let him off the hook and still have to do so. He's hella harsh sometimes.

Sorry to sound like Dear Abby here. Love yourself and don't take crap off of others. If they don't see your value, let them go. Be the one to walk away first.

Interesting, Dalit..

I'm pretty sure mom loved me in her own autistic way, hehe. So I dont try to get love through ASD guys but rather tried to find the problem and cure and I have now. Still attracting them means I can tell them about the cure. As far as real relationships go, I havent been in a real one since 2009. Ive dated but ended it due to their autism. I've come to terms that I will die alone and thats okay. And yes, I am the one who walks away first. Its hard for them to accept though but I tell them about what I think is wrong with them, about the cure and then I let them go or I'll die myself.

 

[Vixy]

Do you have any links discussing Prof Exley's ideas on possible cures or treatments? Very interesting as I met him some years back when he was working on Alzheimer's.

Holy fuckaroni, Red! You've MET Christopher Exley?!?! That man is like a HERO to me!

I've talked to him a bit in emails..tell me ALL about it??

I heard about a family that had a daughter so autistic she coudnt walk correctly. Shes been on Fijiwater for a few months I think (Or was it weeks?) and they posted a film of her dancing! Its incredible!

(I cant post all videos on it on here since there are tons and tons)

 

[Vixy]

He wasn't evil, just really sad and really broken. If I'm not careful, I'll keep attracting that kind of man, the kind that wants me to fix him. I can't fix anyone, not even myself. I trust in God/YHVH for that. But yeah, he would've idealized/idolized me and then resented me when I didn't live up to his expectations. It was destined for failure and I left it before it became something and would've really hurt him.

Thats the kind, yeah..Sad and broken. But I've dedicated my life to helping them and I dont regret it. The best thing in life is to make the world a little bit better place and to get to help someone else.

I guess you could be right about them might being bitter once they know one couldnt help them though.. But when it comes to autism, I CAN if they just let me!

 

[Maes17]

Y'all MFer's need jesus man!

Jk jk jk lol

 

[Maes17]

Thats the kind, yeah..Sad and broken. But I've dedicated my life to helping them and I dont regret it. The best thing in life is to make the world a little bit better place and to get to help someone else.

I guess you could be right about them might being bitter once they know one couldnt help them though.. But when it comes to autism, I CAN if they just let me!

That's cool that you take it as a calling to help.
Understanding the symptoms and all too. But seems like it still kinda doesn't help in a relationship