This is why polygamy is oppressive. It is only an excuse given by men who have historically been able to overpower women economically because women have been caretakers of children and unable to work outside the home.
http://www.irfi.org/articles/articles_251_300/polygamy_in_islamic_law.htm
"The translation of the verse is as follows:
If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two, or three, or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them), then (marry) only one…. (Qur’an 4:3)
From this verse a number of facts are evident:
- That polygamy is neither mandatory, nor encouraged, but merely permitted.
- That the permission to practice polygamy is not associated with mere satisfaction of passion. It is rather associated with compassion toward widows and orphans, a matter that is confirmed by the atmosphere in which the verse was revealed.
- That even in such a situation, the permission is far more restricted than the normal practice which existed among the Arabs and other people at that time when many married as many as ten or more wives.
- That dealing justly with one’s wives is an obligation. This applies to housing, food, clothing, kind treatment. etc., for which the husband is fully responsible. If one is not sure of being able to deal justly with them, the Quran say: “then(marry) only one.” (Qur’an 4:3)
This verse, when combined with another verse in the same chapter, shows some discouragement of such plural marriages. The other verse plainly states:
“You are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire…” (Qur’an 4: 129)
The requirement of justice rules out the fantasy that man can “own as any as he pleases.” It also rules out the concept of “secondary wife,” for all wives have exactly the same status and are entitled to identical rights and claims over their husband. It also implies, according to the Islamic Law, that should the husband fail to provide enough support for any of his wives, she can go to the court and ask for a divorce.
- The verse says “Marry,” not kidnap, buy, or seduce. What is “marriage” as understood in Islam? Marriage in Islam is a civil contract which is not valid unless both contracting parties consent to it. Thus no wife can be forced or “given” to a husband who is already married.
I is thus a free choice of both parties. As to the first wife:
- She may be barren or ill and see in polygamy a better solution than divorce.
- She may divorce him (unilaterally) if he is married to a second wife provided that the nuptial contract gives her the right of unilateral divorce (Ismah).
- She can go to court and ask for a divorce if there is evidence of mistreatment or injustice inflicted upon her.
But if polygamy is discouraged and loaded with such constraints, could it have been better if the Quran simply forbade it? To answer this question, we may have to raise another one:
4. CAN POLYGAMY BE A BETTER SOLUTION IN SOME CASES?
Scholars in the past and at present, Muslims and non-Muslims, have consistently pointed out such cases. The following are a few examples which are tied in with the general approach of Islam to individual and social problems.
- Individual cases:
1. A man who discovers that his wife is barren, and who at the same time instinctively aspires to have children and heirs.
In a situation as this, the man would either have to:
-Suffer the deprivation of fatherhood for life.
-Divorce his barren wife and get married to another woman who is not barren.
In many cases, neither solution can be considered as the best alternative. Polygamy would have the advantage of preserving the martial relationship without depriving the man of fathering children of his own.
2. A man whose wife becomes chronically ill would have one of possible alternatives:
-He may suppress his instinctive sexual needs for the rest of his life.
-He may divorce his sick wife at the time when she needs his compassion most, and get married to another woman, thus legally satisfying his instinctive needs.
-Or he could compromise by keeping his sick wife, and secretly take for himself one or more illicit sex partners.
Let us discuss these alternatives from the point of view of the Islamic teachings. The first solution is against human nature. Islam recognizes sex and sexual needs and provides for legitimate means for their satisfaction. The second solution is clearly less compassionate, especially where there is love between the two parties. Further more divorce is described by Prophet Muhammad (P) as the “permitted thing which is hated most by God.” The last solution is plainly against the Islamic teachings which forbid illicit sexual relations in any form.
To sum up, Islam being against immorality, hypocritical pretense of morality, and against divorce unless no better solution is available, provides for a better alternative which is consistent with human nature and with the preservation of pure and legitimate sex relationships. In a situation like this, it is doubtful that any solution would be better than polygamy, which is, after all, an optional solution.
b.
Social cases
- Anthropologists tell us that among various tribes and societies, polygamy is a social and economic necessity. In some very poor areas, the infant morality is very high. Children on the other hand, are a source of additional labour for the earning capacity of the family. To have more children under such situations would require the practice of polygamy. It is by this very reason Christian missionaries in some African regions justified their permission to local people to practice polygamy without being excommunicated from the church. One researcher has even found, through his studies that women in such societies not only accept polygamy, but some of them even prefer this. (See for example Campbell, D., In the Heart of the Bantuland, Seeley, service and Co.,Ltd., London, 1922, p. 160, and Cory H., Sukuma Law and Customs, Oxford University Press, N.Y., 1953, p.52.)
- Aside from cases where women outnumber men, devastating wars, in the past and at present, have taken their roll mainly among men. The result is not simply more women who cannot find husbands, but even more widows who may aspire to a respectable family life. In such a situation, if polygamy is bad, the limitation on polygamy is even far worse.
Both unmarried women and widows are human beings. Unless their instinctive needs are legitimately satisfied, the temptation is great for corruption and immorality. But aside from the moral question these women are also exploited. They are used as tools for men’s pleasure, yet have no guarantees, no rights or security, financial or emotional. Should they become pregnant, it is their burden alone. But even if such women are ready to pay the price for this personally, society also suffers seriously from such situations. The increasing number of illegitimate children born today under conditions such as these provides a potential base for tomorrow’s maladjusted and even criminals. Further more it is inhuman, humiliating for those children to grow up without knowing who their fathers were and without enjoying a lean and normal family life.
One question remain:
5.
WHY NOT POLYANDRY (PLURALITY OF HUSBANDS FOR THE SAME WOMAN)?
It is evident that the nature of women is physiologically and psychologically different from that of men. Psychologically speaking, the woman is monogamous by her very nature. Furthermore, in all cultures, new and old, the headship of the family, is normally man’s. One can imagine what would happen if the family had two or more heads. Furthermore, if the woman is married to more than one husband, which would be the father of her children? "
DR: we did not always have DNA and a child has a right to knowing who their father is.
