Brother you have complete and total misunderstanding of Christianity!! It is literally the complete and total opposite of what you said. However in past conversations we have had on this forum, I see that you will continually and it seems purposefully misunderstand what the Word of God says to try and keep this incorrect view of Christianity alive for you to reject.
When I was Born Again and Jesus accepted me, I was at the absolute lowest I have ever been in my life, I had nothing to offer Him, I was completely and totally Sinful, full of the World and myself. I had nothing whatsoever of worth at all, I was in a Talbert House which is a Drug Rehab/Halfway House, I was a Drug Addict, and absolutely hated Jesus Christ. Then I cried out for Salvation and in a moment Christ came into my heart and changed my entire life. My desires changed, and I went from a literal Antichrist to preaching the Gospel in one day!
So this idea that one has to die to the world to be accepted by Christ is completely and totally false. Ask all the Christians here, we were ALL completely and totally full of the World and once we REALIZED this, that we have ZERO ability to overcome anything and we are deserving of Death and Hell for our Sins (being full of the World) it is THEN that we Repented and cried out for Salvation and were accepted by Jesus.
Once we were accepted by Jesus in our horrible sinful state, and He came and made His abode in our hearts, He began thru the Holy Spirit to guide us and change us so that we would continually begin to die off to the World and follow the Spirit.
Conversion and acceptance of Christ is literally the exact opposite of what you have stated here sir, I hope one day you realize where you stand before the Lord and cry out for Salvation and when you do, then you too will understand Christ in no way wants you to change anything about yourself before He accepts you. Instead He wants you to come to Him exactly as you are, broken, dirty and drenched in Sin, and then He Himself will cause you to die to the World!!!
Luke 5:30 But their scribes and Pharisees murmured against his disciples, saying, Why do ye eat and drink with publicans and sinners?
31 And Jesus answering said unto them, They that are whole need not a physician; but they that are sick.
32 I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
There are 2 different criteria here
As sinners, confessing and accepting the path given through Christianity, is one thing....
that's the first step.
BUT after that you have to go further to become a true christian.
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
I'm going to talk about islam a little to touch on this topic from an islamic pov.
See in islam, there are 3 levels of faith. The first is iman. Iman means belief. a person can believe yet not become a true muslim. Dying in this state means we do experience this 'death' in the grave, as in the torment in the grave. There's also a chance we get thrown into hell.
Now remember what Jesus said about it being easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle? This applies here where a person goes to hell in so much darkness BUT even a mustard seed worth of faight(light) can/will eventually redeem us from hell.
Alternatively due to sin a muslim is more likely to suffer in the world for his/her sin but not suffer in the next life. I think for most muslims this will be the case because prophet Mohammad SAW told us so.
The next level, islam/submission is where our carnal nature has been 'subdued' but it is still a constant battle...but for the most part a person experiences the real ideals of faith in this condition.
You can think of David AS in this condition or Job AS as a more extreme example. read the psalms and what do you find? he's an unhappy person...it is a constant struggle.
also in hinduism in both states we are subjects to karma handed out to us from Isvara (God) the Supreme controller...so God constantly does things to us and we constantly struggle to understand why...
NOW
there is a way out.
In Hinduism, it is done by overcoming maya (illusion) of the individual self...as in merging the drop with the ocean and finally becoming free from the influences of karma....
there is no more struggle..so a person in this state can appear physically poor and broken in this world yet that person is in bliss and experiencing the unity of consciousness.
In islam this is called Ihsan and it is the highest state of faith.
So how does this apply to christianity? regardless of beliefs, the metaphysics is still the same...one reality...what they called 'unity of consciousness' and 'enlightenment' is precisely what Jesus spoke of as 'I am in the Father and the Father is in me'. I won't get into the theeology here...it's easy to misinterpret it though.
A true Christian has to kill the ego..as in the individual self and merge with the universal self.
So let's look at some things Jesus said amongst many (meaning i can't even give my view real justice here because there are so many proofs0.
24 Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. 25 For whoever would save his life[a] will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. 26 For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul?
On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.
Whoever has My commandments and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and reveal Myself to him.”
Jesus replied, "Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.
Unity of consciousness!!
Anyone who loves his father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me;
As for your story, im sure you had subjective experiences of being accepted. I'm sure you're sincere...but christianity isn't about
"yeh i'm weak, so i accept Jesus and he cleanses me from it"
how does that even make sense? what change has come in you? is it a subjective change?
t is not really possible for the vast majority of us to suddenly wake up one day after confessing sin to God and be free from carnal impulses/attachments. Our carnal nature might take a rest from time to time but it comes back stronger...so it's obvious we require something external to bring that change in us.
How can that be done?
when i talk about GNOSIS, it has nothing to do with a 'gnostic sect' for example. Gnosis means knowledge...and in islam it is called marifah.
In sufism, the 4 steps of sufism you have Shariah (the law) then Tariqah (the order, ie like christianity is an order built on the mosaic law originally but this changed for gentiles)...and then you have marifah (gnosis).
So, as things stand you are in the tariqah of Jesus...you've been accepted on that level, but to progress you have to experience the gnosis of Jesus. How?
Gnosis is acheived through a mystical connection, it is not just something you wish and it happens. Your heart has to be free from other influences until only Jesus remains in your heart..
you are in Me, and
I am in you. .and you have to nurture love for him in your heart.
You have to pretty much try yout best to become like him, to create an environment that reflects him both internally and externally. you have to read his teachings and try to live by them...etc etc...long story short in the end his light is reflected in you...and it becomes your light. So you become an extension of Jesus and his personality is absorbed into yours. That means, if he 'died' then you also die with him...
"you are in Me, and I am in you. "
I'm sure, you already posess some of this..but real gnosis is deeper and even has levels within it. You obviously cannot compare your gnosis with that of the early christians, they not only saw him in the flesh but christians after them, saw them...so that gnosis was stronger.
ONLY when you've done achieved gnosis you can get to the next stage which in sufism we call Haqiqah (the ultimate truth) and experience the things Jesus said you're meant to experience ie unity with him and the Father, as in you merge with the ocean and are no longer subject to your carnal nature.
Another way to connect with Jesus faster ie acheive gnosis, is to consciously meditate/concentrate on Jesus, your image of him, into the Theta brainwave state, overcoming sense perception for a while...
you might well fall asleep in that state....and it might not happen the first time depending on your defects but you will see him. If not the first time then eventually...it's like Jesus said...knock on the door and you will be answered.
The above, is not some poor occult /demonic activity, it is your own nature/soul..having the ability to concentrate on a single person/object beyond sense perception is what makes you acheive gnosis. ie you get to know that thing from the souls perspective.