To Love Is To Suffer....

Mr. Blah

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To love (somebody) is to suffer, to be ready to be hurt.

My grandfather sit in the chair on the porch with a blank stare after facing his choleric wife for 25 years.
Looks like he was traumatized a lot thinking "Was I wrong taking her to be my wife?"

That's his story (and maybe ours too).
 

Lisa

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Consider....

Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
Genesis 2:18


“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”
Genesis 2:24


Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
 

Karlysymon

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I read this article with lots of sighs
http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/
but it was a huge eye opener for me because one doesn't get to hear this stuff often. This was well said:
"My father’s advice was
both shocking and
revelatory. It went against
the grain of today’s
“Walmart philosophy”,
which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one. No, a true marriage (and
true love) is never about
you. It’s about the person
you love—their wants,
their needs, their hopes,
and their dreams. Selfishness demands,
“What’s in it for me?”,
while Love asks, “What can
I give?”"
 

JoChris

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To love (somebody) is to suffer, to be ready to be hurt.

My grandfather sit in the chair on the porch with a blank stare after facing his choleric wife for 25 years.
Looks like he was traumatized a lot thinking "Was I wrong taking her to be my wife?"

That's his story (and maybe ours too).
Suffering can be part of a loving relationship from difficult circumstances and life events. That is inevitable as sickness and death is part of life.
It should not be part of a relationship itself though with no other reasons though (e.g. one spouse with mental illness).
 

Fleur D'Amour

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Love is about taking chances, so I guess suffering could be a part of it, in a way.

God, upon creating our world with us in it, is omniscient. He knows the beginning to the end and thus, knew what choices we would make. He knew of the fall of man, the trials the Israelites would go through, the crucifixion we gave to his only begotten son, and the mass amount of pain we inflict on each other, on the planet, and Him.

But He took a chance. Even if there was one soul that would choose to be with Him in heaven, He'd take that chance because He is love.

Another example is choosing to have a child. There's no guarantee that the child will love you back. But you take that risk because of love.
 

Camidria

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In any marriage as a child of God, God needs to come first in your life. That means all your needs, wishes and wants must be taken to Jesus to be fulfilled and not your spouse...

In a marriage it is not a deal of giving 50 50, or what can I receive, it is about what can I give, namely 100 100. If both you and your spouse have this attitude, you will have the most wonderful marriage. Unfortunately that is not always the case, because different people have many different issues that could cause them to make their partners life miserable. In this case your relationship with God and ability to bring your burdens to Him is key, because I can guarantee you, you can still lead a happy life if God fulfilled all your needs if your partner fails. I know people like this, on the one hand it is sad and it hurts, but on the other hand they have a much better relationship with God that I wish I had!!!
 

Todd

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I second what both Karlysymon and Camidria said.

My wife had neck surgery on Thursday....I took both Thursday and Friday off work and spent 12 + hours at the hospital with her both days. I got to bring her home today. I didn't feel like I was doing anything special, but apparently we made a huge impression on the nursing staff. At one point I left the hospital to run to the store and get a few things for my wife. While I was gone two of the nurses came in and said they had to ask about our marriage. They were shocked to hear to we have been married for 19 years...they thought we must have been newlyeds. When they asked my wife what made our marriage so good, this was her answer; "We made a commitment a long time ago that everyday our goal was to outgive, out do, and out love each other." and of course she also mentioned "God"

Obviously the last few days she couldn't do much for me, but doing for each other, and out giving each other has become 2nd nature, that we no longer need to make a conscious decision every day to do it...its just how we live now.
 

Karlysymon

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In thinking about it, selfishness is the root of all evil in our world. All of it. And love (which i call the mother of all goodness: to be kind, generous, patient, humble etc) is what stems that tide.
I and the Atlantic see eye to eye on this
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
Ultra-conservative men love to crow about submission. I don't remember what spurred me on to study "the submission question", but i think it must have been a celebrity divorce (likely Madonna and Guy). I found that, it actually takes humility/submission/servanthood to love (kind, generous) someone. If only women (Galatians 5:22-33 is very often twisted) are called to submit, how do husbands love their spouses? How do they 'die'? Which 'dying' or denial-of-self or loving demands humility/submission or else it cannot be. Even the Good Samaritan had to 'die' inorder to help the injured man.
Christ, the perfect example, demonstrated and spoke of it aswell.
@Todd
thank you for sharing that and stories like those are always a breath of fresh air. Both of your guardian angels must be super proud!
@Etagloc
Hahaha. Yes, it was that 'shocking and revelatory'. You are signing up to die......but in a good way although some people do not make it out alive, literally. Todd is shinning example to the rest of us and maybe, you might not need that helmet afterall.
 
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Karlysymon

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Quote:
True love is a high and holy principle, altogether different in character
from that love which is
awakened by impulse and
which suddenly dies when
severely tested. It is by faithfulness to duty in the
parental home that the youth are to prepare themselves for homes of their own. Let them here practice self-denial and
manifest kindness, courtesy, and Christian sympathy. Thus love will be kept warm in the heart, and he who goes out from such a household to stand
at the head of a family of his own will know how to promote the happiness of her whom he has chosen as a companion for life. Marriage, instead of being
the end of love, will be only its beginning.
To love as Christ loved means to manifest unselfishness at all times and in all places, by kind
words and pleasant looks....Genuine love is a precious attribute of heavenly origin, which increases its fragrance in
proportion as it is dispensed to others.
 

Karlysymon

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@Camidria
I thought this would interest you, given your post:
"...Woman and man. Equal
importance. I like the sound of that, how about you? Do most women want to be more important than men? I don’t. But less important? I don’t want that either. Sinless and unselfish, Adam and Eve needed no hierarchy.Their relationship was one of utter horizontality. Author... comments: “She was not to control him as the head, nor to be trampled under his feet
as an inferior, but to stand by his side as an equal, to be loved and protected by him.” Peter Lombard echoes: “Eve was not taken from the feet of Adam to be his slave, nor from his head to be his ruler, but
from his side to be his beloved partner.” True, Adam served as head of
the human race, even in that unfallen state. Being the firstborn of all creation, he stood as humanity’s representative. Yet his headship didn’t equate to being the “boss” of Eve.
Because they had no taint of selfishness, Adam and Eve moved together like a well-choreographed dance. No missteps, no tension. Just fluid, flawless love. “. . .and He brought her to the man,” Genesis 2:22. But even as equals, individuality needed
protection. The Bible clearly says that God “brought” the woman to Adam. In this simple
statement we see a fact implied: Eve connected to God before connecting to Adam. She enjoyed her vertical relationship before attempting a horizontal relationship. This speaks loudly to our need to put God first. Women so often
get lost in their relationships, especially their marriages. We so often sacrifice that which
should never be sacrificed—our integrity and God-given selfhood—to hang onto a relationship. Yet individuality and intimacy form a tension that must be balanced, lest both be lost. When we lose individuality, we lose intimacy, because a healthy bond requires two mature individuals. The secret of preserving individuality lies in staying connected to God, the
Creator of our individuality. God knew this, so He set aside face time with Eve. And He
wants that same face time
with you, for He claims the first and best of your affections."
 

Etagloc

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@Etagloc
Hahaha. Yes, it was that 'shocking and revelatory'. You are signing up to die......but in a good way although some people do not make it out alive, literally. Todd is shinning example to the rest of us and maybe, you might not need that helmet afterall.
In thinking about it, selfishness is the root of all evil in our world. All of it. And love (which i call the mother of all goodness: to be kind, generous, patient, humble etc) is what stems that tide.
I and the Atlantic see eye to eye on this
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/06/happily-ever-after/372573/
Ultra-conservative men love to crow about submission. I don't remember what spurred me on to study "the submission question", but i think it must have been a celebrity divorce (likely Madonna and Guy). I found that, it actually takes humility/submission/servanthood to love (kind, generous) someone. If only women (Galatians 5:22-33 is very often twisted) are called to submit, how do husbands love their spouses? How do they 'die'? Which 'dying' or denial-of-self or loving demands humility/submission or else it cannot be. Even the Good Samaritan had to 'die' inorder to help the injured man.
Christ, the perfect example, demonstrated and spoke of it aswell.
@Todd
thank you for sharing that and stories like those are always a breath of fresh air. Both of your guardian angels must be super proud!
Todd and his wife are indeed a good example.

Both the husband and wife are supposed to submit to each other. I'm opposed to women trying to henpeck their men but of course the woman must be respected.

Eh..... I am not some horrible man who thinks the relationship should be unbalanced. But my heart feels like a lifeless rock and I feel lifeless and unhuman. I live in a housing project. I was born into poverty and abuse and struggle.... it's what I know. What I was born into, I cannot help. And I am very young. One day I will move and I will find a better life, I think.

People act as though I am too cold. But when I try to smile at people or be friendly I am mistreated. My friend came over and I feel angry because he acted all scared to come to where I live. He was all scared of where I live. But I live here! I wake up and fall asleep here.

I am not this horrible mysogynyst sexist. But I don't think I'm affectionate and loving towards women. I want to treat a woman like a queen. I want to bring her breakfast in bed and all this and make her feel special. I find it very hard to imagine her not trying to take advantage of me if I treat a woman like this. Like every woman is simply waiting for me to show a sign of weakness and they'll be at me like vulture. When I try to be kind it's taken as a sign of weakness and so many people are monsters.

When I was a teenager I was in juvie. I don't even feel like I ever really left juvie.

There is God, there is Jesus. One day I will know another side of life than what I know now and I will be able to smile, I think.

I am not worried. If my life is misery it will be more than worth it if I make it to heaven and all the pleasures of this world will be nothing compared to whatever is above.
 

Todd

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I want to treat a woman like a queen. I want to bring her breakfast in bed and all this and make her feel special. I find it very hard to imagine her not trying to take advantage of me if I treat a woman like this. Like every woman is simply waiting for me to show a sign of weakness and they'll be at me like vulture. When I try to be kind it's taken as a sign of weakness and so many people are monsters.
Trust me there are women out there who will not take adantage of a man who treats her like a Queen....instead they will melt in your arms. They are special and not a dime a dozen, but they do exist. Trust God and he will bring that women to you in due time. If you treat any women like that and they use it against you, then run! Marriage is meant to be a blessing and will make you complete if you are patient and wait for the right one.
 
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floss

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To love (somebody) is to suffer, to be ready to be hurt.

My grandfather sit in the chair on the porch with a blank stare after facing his choleric wife for 25 years.
Looks like he was traumatized a lot thinking "Was I wrong taking her to be my wife?"

That's his story (and maybe ours too).
I love your seeking heart Mr. Blah, keep it up brother. You're a layer away from the truth that matter. One day you will realize Jesus is the one that already taken the pain and suffering for you. The ONLY God that died for His creation. Love ya!

Matthew 7
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
8 For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
 

Karlysymon

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@Etagloc

I hope you didn't think my post was all directed at you. The rest of it (selfishness and submission) was just my crazy rambling. Not directed at you or anyone else. And i will say that some of your comments in the Celibacy thread gave me pause for thought, so thanks!
 

Camidria

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I thought this would interest you, given your post:
Yes I agree with it, woman and men are equal individuals, and where God is claiming our first affections, a marriage can be the most wonderful of marriages! We must also just remember that women and men are built differently, for different purposes, and we should help and support one another in our weaknesses. I believe many people tend to see this balance as negative, as they do not understand we are different parts of a puzzle that fit together, equal, but different.
 
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