Things I've learned from the Coronavirus

Awoken2

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So today I thought I'd do my bit for the elderly folk so went to visit an old uncle of mine who I'd not seen for many years.

He's been self isolating since 1987 which is when his wife left him for a lollipop man with a jag.

After listening to government advice about visiting elderly relatives and checking on them through their downstairs window as not to infect them with anything I tapped on his window with my car keys....there was no response. After a bit more knocking on the window without response I spotted him through a gap in the net curtains sitting very still in his favourite armchair, there was an empty plate next to him.

It was obvious to me at this point that he had succumbed to this lethal virus and was dead....he used to have an underlying health problem of flying into a rage every time he saw a lollipop man which he was on tablets for, he also had an ingrown toenail.

After changing into my Acme hazmat suit, crash helmet and snorkel set I went in to recover the body for cremation.

Here is where it gets well scary. As I get hold of his feet to drag him into the back garden he COMES BACK ALIVE!!!!!

I kid you not, he gave off such a terrifying zombie like scream I nearly wet myself. He was screaming at me I was screaming at him it was a nightmare scene.

This virus creates zombies people.....real living zombies!

.....I got home an called the Daily Mail news desk immediately.
 






Maes17

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Something I learned is that Albuquerque still has shitty drivers on the highway with very little traffic.

How in the actual facking fuqqing fack do you go 40mph on 65mph speed limit freeway with no vehicle in front of you? Like honestly.
 






Lisa

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Something I learned is that Albuquerque still has shitty drivers on the highway with very little traffic.

How in the actual facking fuqqing fack do you go 40mph on 65mph speed limit freeway with no vehicle in front of you? Like honestly.
That would drive me crazy!
 






Lisa

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I’ve been road raging these past few days. Never realized I was capable of so many F bombs until tuesday
I think people have been driving slower here too. I was going to the bank and anyone in front of me was going so slow! It’s like they thought they’d catch the virus if they went faster.
 






Maes17

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I think people have been driving slower here too. I was going to the bank and anyone in front of me was going so slow! It’s like they thought they’d catch the virus if they went faster.
I hear you on that Ms. Lisa.
It has been some frustrating commutes.
Even after work, pulling on to the freeway coming from a side street. We have a long merging lane, so I make sure to get up to speed to ease into traffic. Just yesterday, this little ford focus ricer switches into the merging lane. I’m like wtf?
 






Lurker

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I hear you on that Ms. Lisa.
It has been some frustrating commutes.
Even after work, pulling on to the freeway coming from a side street. We have a long merging lane, so I make sure to get up to speed to ease into traffic. Just yesterday, this little ford focus ricer switches into the merging lane. I’m like wtf?
I thought you were furloughed.
 






Maes17

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Another thing I learned since I have a lot of time to myself at work. I’ve been taking some of my personal car wash stuff.

My ish works a lot better than what the company provides lol.

Made $80 in tips this week —- so far.
Sales people tip amazing when they want me to wash their vehicles. So all is not too bad I suppose.
 






Maes17

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I thought you were furloughed.
I was. Got called back in two Saturdays ago. So been back since.

My hours are decreased to 35 hours a week. Cannot go above 40 hours. But it’s better than nothing.

And I get the whole cleaning bays to myself.
My personal vehicles are coming out nice.
 






Lisa

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I hear you on that Ms. Lisa.
It has been some frustrating commutes.
Even after work, pulling on to the freeway coming from a side street. We have a long merging lane, so I make sure to get up to speed to ease into traffic. Just yesterday, this little ford focus ricer switches into the merging lane. I’m like wtf?
It sounds frustrating!
 






Maes17

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I was. Got called back in two Saturdays ago. So been back since.

My hours are decreased to 35 hours a week. Cannot go above 40 hours. But it’s better than nothing.

And I get the whole cleaning bays to myself.
My personal vehicles are coming out nice.
I cannot even take OT atm.
All this after getting a nice raise last month :(

My job used to let me take as much OT as I wanted.
 






Lisa

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I cannot even take OT atm.
All this after getting a nice raise last month :(

My job used to let me take as much OT as I wanted.
Hopefully, things will get back to where they were for you before the virus.
 






Awoken2

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It's now totally out of control in my area....I had yet another very close shave this morning.

For a change today I decided to utilize my government allocated daily outdoor exercise activity with a cycle ride to my local park. I'm currently limited to just the one outdoor experience at the moment as we don't have a dog to walk but I have ordered one from Amazon (which will give me an extra trip out when he gets delivered)

Anyway I decided to go out early doors to avoid possible infection by any dog walkers breath as I believe this virus is now airborne.

So I was peddling along at a nice gentle pace when all of a sudden I came across this man, must have been in his thirties, exhibiting one of the tell tale signs that he was in fact a spreader. He was virtually doubled over with his hands on his knees with a quite visible shortness of breath. He also had an obvious temperature rise as I could actually see perspiration coming through his tracksuit....his temperature was well above average, you could tell just by looking at him....and I don't have any medical training whatsoever!

Faced with this life or death situation impulse just kicked in and I immediately hatched a plan to lock this man down until the professionals could deal with him.

Like a frightened squirrel I climbed the tree he was leaning against as fast as I could so I would be directly above the diseased man. Just as he was getting some normal breath back I fell out of the tree like a fridge landing square on his head, trapping him on the ground.

Fortunately a passer by had seen the diseased man being all breathless so immediately called the police and ambulance.

I sat on the guy until I heard the sirens approach then quickly made my escape as not to impede the heroic medical people. Plus I heard the police would have put me in self isolation in one of their cells so I didn't hang around. The woman even said I needed locking up so I just got out of there.

Believe me people.....this is very very real.
 






Last edited:

Maes17

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Jul 27, 2017
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It's now totally out of control in my area....I had yet another very close shave this morning.

For a change today I decided to utilize my government allocated daily outdoor exercise activity with a cycle ride to my local park. I'm currently limited to just the one outdoor experience at the moment as we don't have a dog to walk but I have ordered one from Amazon (which will give me an extra trip out when he gets delivered)

Anyway I decided to go out early doors to avoid possible infection by any dog walkers breath as I believe this virus is now airborne.

So I was peddling along at a nice gentle pace when all of a sudden I came across this man, must have been in his thirties, exhibiting one of the tell tale signs that he was in fact a spreader. He was virtually doubled over with his hands on his knees with a quite visible shortness of breath. He also had an obvious temperature rise as I could actually see perspiration coming through his tracksuit....his temperature was well above average, you could tell just by looking at him....and I don't have any medical training whatsoever!

Faced with this life or death situation impulse just kicked in and I immediately hatched a plan to lock this man down until the professionals could deal with him.

Like a frightened squirrel I climbed the tree he was leaning against as fast as I could so I would be directly above the diseased man. Just as he was getting some normal breath back I fell out of the tree like a fridge landing square on his head, trapping him on the ground.

Fortunately a passer by had seen the diseased man being all breathless so immediately called the police and ambulance.

I sat on the guy until I heard the sirens approach then quickly made my escape as not to impede the heroic medical people. Plus I heard the police would have put me in self isolation in one of their cells so I didn't hang around. The woman even said I needed locking up so I just got out of there.

Believe me people.....this is very very real.
Me too. Apprehended a suspsect yesterday at a high school track. Young female, gasping for air, sweating profusely. Luckily the track has a grass field so I channeled my inner football days and proceeded to linebacker hit her into the grass and hold her down until county sheriffs arrived to.


Just simply being a good citizen and looking out for the kids. I think my wireless bose headphones are messed up though. Perhaps I’ll start a go fund me page.
 






Awoken2

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Me too. Apprehended a suspsect yesterday at a high school track. Young female, gasping for air, sweating profusely. Luckily the track has a grass field so I channeled my inner football days and proceeded to linebacker hit her into the grass and hold her down until county sheriffs arrived to.


Just simply being a good citizen and looking out for the kids. I think my wireless bose headphones are messed up though. Perhaps I’ll start a go fund me page.
There will be a bravery award due for you after such a selfless act. Stay on high alert at all times!
 






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