Good on you. I came off 20 years of antidepressants bit by bit over about 3 years,gradually reducing and working on diet, excercise, emotional problems, breathing etc.....my doctor warned me that many people subsequently crash, but after 6 months free I thought I was all good and had things worked out.....then a number of things went slightly wrong in life all at once - not even badly wrong, just smallish things, and BAM. Within two days I was so anxious and suicidal it scared the ...... out of me and after a few days of doing everything i could to sort myself out, I decided to go back on the pills. I just couldn't take it. I'd forgotten how absolutely horrific it felt to be so overwhelmed I wanted to die. So now I'm reducing the pills again to the lowest level where I can cope, and I don't think I'll ever bother to try and go drug free again - even though that's what I would prefer.
Thank you. I think I'll be alright. I was molested as a kid so I had what they call "Body Memories" which was my body remembering everything, like touch, feel, smell, pain, etc. As a teen when I did research body memories was just a theory, but now it's recognized. They said there wasn't a cure for it. But I'm proof that it's not true. What I did was allow the memory to play out in a safe space. I live alone so I knew I was safe in my apartment with no interruptions. I let the memories play out. I went through all the emotions of fear and trauma. Eventually I learned to separate it and recognize that it was just a memory and I chose to relax and accept it as it was. The problem is with trauma is that when you tense up you are actually telling your body to remember it, so you have to relax and let it go. In your mind, talk yourself through it, let yourself know it's gonna be ok. This went on nightly for months until I couldn't feel anything on my body anymore. For 10 years I was dealing with it and in a matter of months it was gone. Then I had my mental memories to deal with and I went through every event in my mind and allowed the emotions to come. I told the truth, I didn't make excuses, but eventually it led me to forgive. I was able to release all the emotions. I still remember things but I'm no long emotionally attached so it doesn't hurt me anymore.
