Patriarchy is anti-life.

[Todd]

I agree no need for a belt. My wife and I used paddles (on the butt where there is least risk if doing any lasting damage) when the children were younger, and even then it was few and far between. We never did it in the heat of a moment or in anger and we always prayed with them and explained why we were doing it.

At a certain age (around 8-10 years old) it looses its effectiveness and can actually become a hindrance as it can possibly cause a child to become hard hearted. By this age it is more appropriate to use suspension of priveledges or restitution depending on situation as punishment. Younger children don’t grasp this type of punishment as effectively, so that is why we used the paddle up to a certain age.

Can you do it effectively without paddling or spanking? I suppose it’s possible, but why fix what isn’t broke ( when done the right way)
That’s my 2 cents....

 

[justjess]

Because it is potentially very damaging and that depends on a childs internal resilience which is unique to each child and a parent has no way of knowing or guessing before hand, and often doesnt become apparant until too late. For one child it can be an effextive tool and for another child raised in the same home under the same exact conditions it can be traumatic and cause the opposite of what u want down the line. U are playing russian roulette basically.

Your right small children do not respond to the same consequences as older children. They also dont understand the idea of consequences as clearly as older children and thats why the response is different. You need an effective motivator, with young children positive reinforcement and rewards as well as age appropriate teaching work better then any sort of punitive consequence. Praise the behavior u want, ignore the behavior u dont want. All behavior serves a purpose and for little ones that is usually attention or acquisition of something preferred. Unless what they are doing is dangerous to themselves or others there is really no need for punitive correction at all at that age. And when there is im sure you can find something motivating enough (and immediate because they have shorter attention spans) that doesnt involve hitting them. Time outs are good, taking away a favorite toy, sitting down and explaining.. all effective and all without the possible negative consequences.

I dont understand why this is defended.. its not okay or legal to git your DOG but its okay to hit a child. Doesnt make sense.

 

[Orwell's mentor]

I agree no need for a belt. My wife and I used paddles (on the butt where there is least risk if doing any lasting damage) when the children were younger, and even then it was few and far between. We never did it in the heat of a moment or in anger and we always prayed with them and explained why we were doing it.

At a certain age (around 8-10 years old) it looses its effectiveness and can actually become a hindrance as it can possibly cause a child to become hard hearted. By this age it is more appropriate to use suspension of priveledges or restitution depending on situation as punishment. Younger children don’t grasp this type of punishment as effectively, so that is why we used the paddle up to a certain age.

Can you do it effectively without paddling or spanking? I suppose it’s possible, but why fix what isn’t broke ( when done the right way)
That’s my 2 cents....

I second that. Remembering my childhood, I have vague memories of my siblings and I getting spanked by our parents, but in retrospect, I understand why, and I harbour no ill will towards them for it. We were being reprimanded for doing something we shouldn't have been doing. I also recall in elementary school, when kids were sent down to the principal’s office and wondering if they were going to get the ruler. I have to admit, some of us wished they did due to their unruly behaviour… well, I did because some of their behaviour was rather obnoxious (yeah, I’m talking to you Peter, Junior, Norman and Kelvin lol). If memory serves, and because I know someone who was an avid fan of hers, I think Princess Diana even got some flak for spanking Prince William when he was a toddler as her words were to the effect of "he needs to know who’s boss”.

I suppose it ultimately comes down to what are the parents doing with the children when they’re not being punished, which is why I don’t see the punishment in a negative light as my parents were my true guardians when I was growing up and were there to support me and my siblings emotionally when we needed them, and to this very day, I revere and love them. Therefore, I know what they did came from a place of love and raised us the best way they knew how.

 

[Claire Rousseau]

I'm happy that things have worked out between you and your kids. It seems you're a balanced person and have good judgment. It also seems you're very loving and caring. I'm happy that you have self control and don't act out in anger, that's outstanding.
Most of all, I'm happy your kids have turned out well. And thank you for your concern. My ancestors were one of the many ancestors that had violence in their families.

I have to point out that NOT EVERYBODY IS THE SAME. Some kids are stronger mentally and emotionally,some a little and some are not. Some can handle your type of discipline, some cannot.

I can differentiate between mild corporal punishment and between abuse.

Spanking is still inflicting pain, though. Beating is inflicting greater pain and suffering (mental, physical, emotional)

What I wonder though, is if kids that are spanked trust their parents fully or are they afraid of them?

Yes, make your kids be responsible, work hard, be kind and mindful of others, respectful, honest but do it without inflicting physical pain. (if you can)

Thank you for your positive comments, I appreciate it.

I do agree, each child is unique & what works best for one may not work for another.

As far as kids trusting their parents if they are spanked, yes, they do.

I think what causes trust issues is inconsistency. Children need stability, security & to feel safe & loved.

I think trust issues arise when kids are left in daycare, especially at early ages, when they cannot express if they are being neglected, or if parents are not married & living together under the same roof.

I think that when children are in single parent households, they are more likely to experience distrust.

 

[Claire Rousseau]

I second that. Remembering my childhood, I have vague memories of my siblings and I getting spanked by our parents, but in retrospect, I understand why, and I harbour no ill will towards them for it. We were being reprimanded for doing something we shouldn't have been doing. I also recall in elementary school, when kids were sent down to the principal’s office and wondering if they were going to get the ruler. I have to admit, some of us wished they did due to their unruly behaviour… well, I did because some of their behaviour was rather obnoxious (yeah, I’m talking to you Peter, Junior, Norman and Kelvin lol). If memory serves, and because I know someone who was an avid fan of hers, I think Princess Diana even got some flak for spanking Prince William when he was a toddler as her words were to the effect of "he needs to know who’s boss”.

I suppose it ultimately comes down to what are the parents doing with the children when they’re not being punished, which is why I don’t see the punishment in a negative light as my parents were my true guardians when I was growing up and were there to support me and my siblings emotionally when we needed them, and to this very day, I revere and love them. Therefore, I know what they did came from a place of love and raised us the best way they knew how.

Well said.

I definitely agree...parents should be encouraging their children & showing love & support as well.

If the only attention the child receives is when he or she is being corrected, they will begin to feel inferior & withdraw. Eventually, they will give up & stop trying altogether. That could carry over into adulthood.

Being overly critical instead of providing constructive criticism isn’t helpful to anyone, really.

One thing I’ve learned to do that my parents never did with me ( and I really wished they did at that age) is listen. I mean, really listen & let me vent to them sometimes when I felt really alone. I craved that from them, but they didn’t know how, I guess. I don’t blame them, really...they were going through a divorce when I was a teen & I guess they just didn’t have the time or the energy.

Anyway, growing up, just being a teenager in general is incredibly hard. I’m 37 & I remember it like it was yesterday & I remember feeling so conflicted...one minute I had people telling me to grow up, your not a kid anymore, and the next minute you hear, you aren’t an adult you don’t know what you’re talking about.
It was like you just couldn’t find your place in the world because you’re stuck in this transitional period.

Anyway, I remind myself of those challenges and often go to my teens one-on-one and just ask them if they want to talk about anything, no lectures, no right or wrong, just to vent about life & growing up.

Sometimes they asked me for advice, sometimes they just needed someone to sit and listen to them vent, and oftentimes I would sit on their bed and listen to them and by the end of our (or their) talk, they would figure out a solution on their own, without me saying a word.

Our vent sessions have probably done more to bring us closer in the teen years when it is easy for teens to feel like their increasing independence makes it hard for their parents to understand them.

 

[elsbet]

We're intelligent human beings. We can be creative and come up with better solutions if we think deeply enough.

I think you quoted the wrong person. Unless you are being incredibly evasive. Are you?

 

[enderpotato00]

I think you quoted the wrong person. Unless you are being incredibly evasive. Are you?

We used to be intelligent. I'm not sure anymore.

 

[elsbet]

We used to be intelligent. I'm not sure anymore.

Did we?

Idk about that, but I do believe we used to be more respectable. We treated others with more respect, to be sure. Reality television and the Jerry Springer-type shows killed what was left of that, and made acting like an animal profitable. Intelligence should have foreseen that -- but even if it did, Greed overrode it.

 

[TMT]

Anyway to get back on the original subject, their is a lot of misogyny within the Abrahamic faiths, for example read The Book of Ezekiel.

Also it is true that the disciples and Paul the Apostle whitewashed and downplayed the role of women within early Christianity.

It is also true that societies at one point were matriarchal, and that Godesses were probably the first personified deities.

And from a non religious view we all owe our lives to a single African female who is our shared common ancestor, and I think that's really beautiful, and she is our "mother: