My Testimony

Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#1
Hello to all who happen upon this Thread, I hope it finds you whoever you are in the place where whatever is said can bring Glory to the Lord in your life. I have felt impressed upon by the Lord to share my testimony not only of my Salvation but the journey I have been through since I first believe unto today. I dont know how long this will be or how short but I hope that whatever is to come can be a blessing unto you in any part or all of what you may read.

To those that may know me from previous iterations of this board hello again, to those whom I have yet to meet hello to you and let me introduce myself, as you can see my username is Daciple, and I have been following this site since its inception back in I believe 2009 or there abouts. I was one of the first people to post on the message boards the day VC opened them to the public, I was heavily invested during the first few years the boards were active. Ive watched the drama unfold and seen the forums blown up and resurrected I believe 4 times at this point. Ive seen people come and go and come back again. Ive spoken and debated with dozens of people concerning just about every topic under the sun, from Religion and every sect denomination and belief within it, to every Conspiracy Theory, to the use or lack thereof of the Music Industry and Hollywood Elite, to Illuminati to Aliens. Pretty much anything that has been discussed on this site over the past close to decade Ive written about to some extent or another. Its been a great journey and I am thankful for the opportunity that has been offered to me thru this site to engage with others and their ideologies and understandings, and I can tell you that I have definitely grown in my understanding on all of these topics, as well as learning what topics truly matter and which are not so important. With that being said I know without a doubt the absolute number one thing that matters concerning all of these topics is above all else, sharing the Gospel. There is nothing above or what can compare to sharing the Gospel to the world, and I know that sharing the Gospel on this board can change lives, not only for those that have ears to hear but for those who share it. It is the duty of anyone who calls themselves a Christian to do, share the Gospel with a lost and dying world.

Mark 15:15 And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.

There are many ways we can share the Gospel,among others we can preach it outright, we can show it by our walk, and we can testify to that which God has done in our lives, where He has taken us from and brought us to and that is what I would like to share with you amazing people today. What God has done in my life, the journey Ive been on and where I find myself today only because the Grace of God that falls all around me every single day.

I can tell you to begin that I was saved in 1999, I do not know the date because of the circumstances which I will momentarily share, but I know the day, the exact moment God reached down from Heaven, when He passed by and when I repented and gave my life to the Lord. When everything in my life changed! When the old man died and a new man with new desires was born! However there were some divine circumstances that brought me to that point and that is where I would like to begin.

God was dealing with me well before I came to repentance, and before I came to repentance I was an utter Antichrist. I was into just about every faith and ideology I could try on in a hodge podge of my own made up Religion that encompassed everything from Gnosticism, to Shamanism, to New Age, to Satanism and pretty much ANYTHING apart from Biblical Christianity. My mother was a firm believer in Christ and I can remember growing up her having Christian music on singing and reading her Bible with books scattered all over the table as she dug into the Word. And although I am completely and utterly grateful for that now, then I absolutely despised her and hated it. I would come home high or after taking Acid and Shrooms on my own "Spiritual Journey" and just lay into how stupid she was to believe in the Bible and the Christ of the Bible. That if anything the Bible was nonsense, a control tool and the Jesus of the Bible was a liar and a hypocrite. I would spend so much time hating her and her God, with no real understanding why, but all I know is that I did, I hated her for her Jesus.

This never hindered her tho, the more I would curse and protest against her the more she would pray sing and study, she was sold out on Jesus of the Bible, nothing I could say or do could stop her from preaching the Gospel to me and my whole family. And as I said I would go out and try to find God in any other form, much of the time using drugs as a method of attaining spiritual enlightenment. I was consuming Acid Shrooms and Weed continually from the time I was 14 till I was Born Again trying to find God. This brings me to Jan 1st 1999, looking back now where I can pinpoint where God really started moving in my life to bring me to repentance. Assuredly He was always there because of my mothers prays protecting me and trying to guide me to Him, but this is the date that I know was the beginning of when He moved in such a way to cause me to finally Repent and cry out to Him for Salvation.

On Jan 1 1999, I was working at a restaurant called Dave and Busters and I was just getting out of work past midnight, the start of the New Year. I had plans to go with a buddy of mine named Shawn from work and we were going to drink and get high, but we had a girl from work who needed a ride so we all got into the car and headed to drop her off. As we were driving we began to get the party started so to say and we blazed up a joint, and cracked open some beers. While we were driving out of no where we see lights, as we are getting pulled over Shawn who is driving hands me the beer and says put it under my seat so I do so. The cop pulls him out of the car takes him to the police car and comes back to me, he says where are all the drugs. Im like what are you talking about, he says your friend said you have the drugs give it up now. At first I deny it whatever, but then this cop ( who I find out right quick is acting like a complete jerk because he is trying to impress this new lady cop he was training) starts threatening me. In my state at the time a weed charge was only a misdemeanor ticket a fine of $100 so Im like ok Ive got some on me ( which literally was less than a dime bag) and Im like its in my pocket so I go to get the weed and the next thing I know hes grabbing me up telling me if I make another move hes going to blow my brains out all over the dashboard. That is literally what he said to me. Now I tell you what I was a skinny little suburban kid, no thug no gansta nothing like that, so when he said that I was shook.

So Im like wow chill out I was trying to get the weed for you like you just freaking asked me, so he proceeds to pull me out of the car forcefully, and asks me where the weed is, I tell him in my pocket. He reaches in my pocket finds the tiny amount of weed, and I just kind of laugh because I can not believe how overboard this dude is being towards me. So he freaks out on me and say oh is this funny, I know you have more this isnt it, and he drags me to the back of the car, throws me up against the trunk and then begins to search me, of course finding nothing. And again out of nervousness and the fact I am just floored about this dudes actions I laugh again like man this is insanity, you know how you laugh to keep from acting out in aggression. So then he really goes nuts on me, he kicks my legs out so far that I can not really stand, and he begins to what can only be described as molest me, and that is when I get pissed and I try and turn around to get him off me and have about 6 cops rush me slam me down and sit by as he continues to molest me. After humiliating me he forces me to take off my shoes in the middle of the snow and of course never finds a thing and when he puts me in the back of the cop car he throws my shoes in my chest.

So I am sitting in the back of this cop car just shocked and confused as to what just happened to me, over a nickel bag of weed which should have only been a ticket and let me go on my way, I was just molested in front of a bunch of people, humiliated and then had to walk in the snow without shoes which were then thrown into my chest. As I am sitting there he gets in and the rookie girl cop is in there too. He gives her this look and she gets out. Now Im basically in tears at this point and my head is on the cage, and out of nowhere this dude take a bat and smashes it into my face against the cage. Im like what the heck is going on!!! Apparently there was bat a mini little bat somewhere in the car, I wouldnt know because I had never been in that car in my life. And he starts going crazy saying this is what you were looking for wasnt it and proceeds to cuss me out. I try to tell him the Truth and he tells me to shut the bleep up...

So what ends up happening with all of this, is that something that literally should have been a $100 fine now has turned into me being charged with possession, resisting arrest, possession of alcohol of a minor and another trumped up charge I forget what it was. Anyways I end up having to go to court for this and end up pulling the toughest judge in the city, a man to have been said to have sentenced his own kid to hard time over drugs. I get a lawyer make a plea agreement and get put on probation.
 





Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#2
A few months go by and right after my birthday in April my job offers me a promotion to go to Atlanta to help open up a new store, I am the only one selected out of the entire country in my position to be given this opportunity. I was stoked, felt like I was going somewhere and I had just been promoted into this position as well! Everything was looking on the up and up after the garbage I had just been thru I was excited. So I get down to Atlanta go into the hotel and I am in a room with some kid from California I believe it was. Anyways we get to know each other and hit it off and he ends up offering to smoke some weed with me. Im like ya for sure so we get high. Well the next morning I have to go to work so I do and by the time I get back hes off to work himself so there is no one there when I get back. As soon as I get back I hear a knock on the door, and its the freaking police, they say they had complaints that people were partying and smoking weed in the room. Im like what idk what your talking about Ive been gone at work I literally just got home, so they ask to search the room and Im like sure nothing here is mine.

Well obviously since I hadnt been home Idk what was in the room but I figured hey I wasnt there I definitely was partying I was working during this time and I definitely had no drugs on my possession there wasnt anything that could come down on me. Apparently this dude left a roach in the ashtray, and guess what since I happened to be in the room at that moment they charged me with possession!!! Oh I was pissed. Long story short about that, I get fired, they fly me back to Ohio, and when I tried to pay off the ticket come to find out that in Georgia you must appear in court which of course I wasnt going to fly back there to do so boom warrant for my arrest in Georgia.

I get home and I am freaking out because I was looking at almost a year in jail if they found out what happened in Georgia, but a few weeks passed and I figure I was ok. Then came the next incident in a long line of absolutely garbage circumstances that end up being blown so out of proportion that if I couldnt look back and see God in it I would still to this day be uncontrollably pissed!!! As I have written a nickel bag of weed landed me a year probation. A roach that wasnt mine cost me my job and a warrant for my arrest in Georgia. Neither of those things ought to have ended up in the punishments I received, but God was in the midst of all of it.

Alright so it was nearing summertime and I was trying to hook up with some chick, I meet her in a park and we are sitting in my new 83 Caddy Coupe De Ville, now I didnt have my legit license at this time, I only had my temps, and I thought this girl had her license, anyways we are sitting there talking and I have the car in park but the electric on so we could hear the radio. I just got some new subs so I turned it up so she could hear it you know stupid kid stuff to impress chicks. Wouldnt you freaking know it a cop ON A BIKE rolls up apparently I was breaking the law by listening to music to loud, so he asks for my license, I give it to him. Now look how insane this is, so he says well this is just your temps, and Im like yea shes got a license plus what does it matter Im not driving anyhow Im sitting here. Find out she doesnt have a license and the cop says look your keys are in the ignition so that is considered driving the vehicle so I am not going to write you up for loud music but I am going to write you up for DRIVING WITHOUT A LICENSE. Oh my goodness I lost my mind I couldnt believe it!!! I was so pissed!!!

So now not only had I lost my job over a roach, given probation and possible jail time over a nickel bag now I was given a ticket for driving without a license even tho I wasnt freaking driving!! It was like I was cursed!! Nothing in my life was going right no matter what I tried and it didnt stop there...

So this is when a massive fork in the road of my life happened, again had God not been involved in all of this and looking back I am sure He was, I would have lost my mind. I was about to go to court for this bullcrap driving without a license charge but right before that like literally days before I was to go to court, I was speaking to a buddy of mine named Mike and we made plans to start hustling together, we had been doing small time stuff but he was saying he was getting put in contact with some big time people and that in the matter of days we would given the chance to start moving pounds of weed. I was all about it, ready to fully invest myself in the hustling lifestyle, the gansta life, I had the car, I was all about trying to be a player, I was already moving small time stuff, it was time to move up and make that real money.

THEN I go to court, now I got myself a Public Pretender and his advice was just plea it out, he said this is no big deal should just get a fine and move on, absolutely nothing more than that should happen, hes seen it a hundred times. So Im like great lets do this Ill pay the fine I believe I got my license by then lets get it done. Remember I told you with my drug case I was in front of the toughest judge, well it seems once you pull a judge you keep going back to that same one. I walk into court follow my Pretenders advice and the Judge says, I am suspending your license for a year, I am fining you a bunch of money, I am increasing your probation to 2 years and giving you a year on the shelf and now you are forced to go to drug counseling. I am like holy crap what the freak just happened!!! I was supposed to pay a fine and now I am facing literal hard time, extended probation, fines, lost my license, and now out of no where have to attend drug counseling!!! My Pretender is floored to, he literally said I have never seen anything like that happen.

I immediately go see my Probation Officer, and these were the terms of my 2 year probation, I had to keep a full time job, I had to report 2 times a week to her, I had to report 3 times a week to some drug counseling and if I missed any of these or failed a drug test I would go to jail for at least a year, and I was to keep all these appointments without a freaking car. The PO was a 30 min drive, I was like look there is absolutely no way I can do this, it is impossible I dont have a car, I cant work full time attend meetings and get down here without transportation. What else can I do? She offers me the option to go into a Drug Rehab in patient service, and she tells me its a 30 day program, complete that and I wont have to worry about the mandatory meetings and she would reduce the amount I would see her substantially. Begrudgingly I have to accept as there is no other viable option.

So in the span of about 6 months, I go from having a car, a great job, no legal woes or record, more money than I can spend, partying all the time, in the eyes of the world I pretty much had it all, to losing everything, cant drive my car (ended up having it sold out from under me) lost my license, lost my job, and now facing prison time and forced into Rehab, all over what is absolutely petty garbage ( in rehab no one believed why I was in there with them, I was in there with legit criminals, like people who were busted selling crack and moving hundreds of pounds of weed ect). But this string of "bad luck" didnt end there, oh no...

So I get into the Rehab and I do my intake and as I am sitting down there with the lady she tells me that I am enrolled into a 90 day program!!! Again I start losing my mind, what the freak just happened, I was told it was only 30 days this is nonsense so I am like you know what forget it I am going to leave. She then informs me that even tho it was literally 20 min in if I leave no it counts a violation of my probation and I will go to jail!!! AAAAAHHHHH!!! Insanity, so of course I have to deal with the situation, 90 day in alright I am here, now what, what else can go wrong.

This is where things became real, I am there idk a week maybe two and a new guy ends up coming in his name is Johnny and I was there just trying to do my time and get out but immediately this dude starts in on me. Like every single day he was trying to fight me for no reason, he was threatening to kill me, like no joke there was something wrong with this kid and he had it out for me. The rules were if you were in a fight for any reason its a violation of probation and off to jail you would go immediately. I was at my utter breaking point, I couldnt take it any longer, not only was I under the pressure of all the stress of losing everything I had, but now I could feel the conviction of the Lord weigh heavily upon me.

I never really truly thought of death, but when it is staring you in the face daily you have no choice but to confront it. I knew I was lost, I knew that if I were to die there I would go to Hell, I was absolutely terrified, and I thought I had no chance of escaping this place without going to jail or worse ending up dead. I fell to my knees one night beside a bed in the middle of a Rehab and I cried out for the Lord. I cried out for Mercy, I told Him I was a sinner and destined for Hell and that there was no way I could get into Heaven of myself. I cried out to Him to save my soul and I cried out to Him to save me from this person who was threatening to kill me every day. I put all my Trust in Him for deliverance from everything I was facing, Death, Hell, Fear, Jail, all of it I cried out to Him from a broken and contrite heart. I went to sleep still unsure of what the future held but I gave everything over to Him that night...
 





Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#3
I woke up the next morning and absolutely everything in my life changed, out of no where those running the program came into the room and took Johnny out of the building!!! Apparently he had violated his probation and he was gone!!! I knew without a doubt that God answered my prayers!!! It was a life changing moment, I could feel the Holy Spirit upon me, moving in me, and I immediately began to preach the Gospel to everyone in the building. I just couldnt believe it, I couldnt believe I had been saved, I couldnt believe that Johnny was gone, I couldnt believe how different everything was, it all changed in one moment of time, the moment I got Truly Lost, and cried out to God to save me from a broken and contrite heart and God wasnt slack on His promise to deliver!!!!

As I said before I stood at a cross roads just a few weeks before, I was bound and determined to become the idolized drug dealing playboy thug that is what I wanted to do and was literally 1 day from going down that path, then God intervened , and I found myself in Rehab with my life on the line, exactly where I needed to be in order to get Truly Lost and Truly Saved!!! I can never thank the Lord enough for all the little things that were blown way out of proportion to bring me to that place in life, because if they hadnt I definitely believe that I would be dead or in jail right now!!!

Now things werent easy from that point, in fact things got harder in certain aspects, I repented, I wanted to change my entire life I knew I was given Grace and had the opportunity to get my life together, and I can tell you those people absolutely hated me for it. All of them saw the difference in me, they saw the difference in what I was trying to do and what they were doing and the hate increased substantially. Now instead of one guy wanting to do me harm, basically everyone but one guy was continually trying to bring me down, from threats to stealing to physical attacks, it became so bad that I ended up having to be moved out of the Rehab part which was occupied by basically kids 18-22, to the upper area which was a Half Way house with mainly Adults. But none of it deterred me, I kept telling everyone about Jesus and kept focusing on getting out of there. By the end of the time there, the joke of the counselors was I would be that man on the corner preaching Jesus was a sign that says The End Is Near. While they meant it to make fun of me, I wore it as Pride, Amen, thats right, I will be considered crazy by this world as I proclaim the Gospel and you can find me right now always holding that proverbial sign, telling the World that the End Is Near...

That is how I ended up coming to Christ, and I am so grateful for every single thing that happened leading up to it because nothing is as joyous as to know that God wanted nothing more than to save my soul, and He knew exactly what it would take to wake me up to the Truth. I am thankful to know that I can say assuredly to anyone out there, if you truly seek the Lord He will be found by you!! I was seeking the Lord but in all the wrong ways and all the wrong places, but the moment I found myself Truly Lost was the moment I was found by Him and saved!!! Praise the Lord!!! And He saved me right there, I didnt need to get myself clean or do any works or anything other than be honest and admit I was Lost and there was absolutely nothing of myself I could do to get to Heaven. All I had to do was cry out from a Truly broken and contrite heart for Him to save me from Death and Hell and from the seemingly impossible situation I was in, and He was quick to save!!! Man retelling the story just gives me all the more hope for the Future, gets me excited and want to shout for Joy!!! Amen what a God I serve!!!

This is going to be a much longer post than I anticipated, but hopefully someone out there will read it and God will be glorified, if only one is then Amen, praise the Lord, its all worth it. I can see this is going to be exceptionally long because there is much more I must say, I just hope you bare with me as I lay before all the Lord has done and is doing in my life!!!

There is a Scripture I would like to share with you now, its from


Josh 4:1 And it came to pass, when all the people were clean passed over Jordan, that the Lord spake unto Joshua, saying,
2 Take you twelve men out of the people, out of every tribe a man,
3 And command ye them, saying, Take you hence out of the midst of Jordan, out of the place where the priests' feet stood firm, twelve stones, and ye shall carry them over with you, and leave them in the lodging place, where ye shall lodge this night.

6 That this may be a sign among you, that when your children ask their fathers in time to come, saying, What mean ye by these stones?
7 Then ye shall answer them, That the waters of Jordan were cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord; when it passed over Jordan, the waters of Jordan were cut off: and these stones shall be for a memorial unto the children of Israel for ever.

These stones the men of Israel took out of the Jordan and planted were a sign unto Israel forever as to what God had done for them and it was a promise to know that the power of God would do for them as well. In the same manner, that night beside the bed when I cried out to the Lord for salvation, that was a stone placed in my life, that I can look back upon and know the power of God and what He did in my life, and a promise to know what He will do again and forever in my life. He brought me out of Egypt and lead me into the Promise Land, Amen!!! I would like to share with you another Stone that the Lord has laid in my life and it came a few months after I was saved.

I finally got out of Rehab and found myself in a Church that my childhood sweetheart belonged to, during the time in Rehab I reached out to her after not seeing her for a few years and she helped me get through those tough times. Im not here to speak of her, we never worked out for a varitiy of reasons but essential boils down to she wasnt the woman God had in store for me. Anyways it was in December of 1999, the 21st actually that the 2nd Stone in my life was laid and that was the day I got baptized. Now the Church I was going to was a Church of God and they believe you are not saved till you are baptized, I didnt believe that then and still dont today, I was saved the minute I repented and prayed to God for Salvation, but I was definitely wanted to be baptized. I had a huge massive urge to walk out in faith and do what the Lord commanded me and so on that day I was baptized.

Now I will say that Idk if any other moment in my life was as Spiritual as this moment, when I was saved it was a massive Spiritual moment but it wasnt exactly the same as my baptism. So I remember standing with the Pastor in the water moments before I was to be baptized and it was a mixed feeling of anxiety and excitement. Then he said a prayer and went and plunged me into the water. Now this was such a crazy experience, although I was under the water for probably less than 3-5 seconds it felt like an Eternity. I seriously felt as tho I was dying, a rush of fear swept over me just like the fear that swept over me when I knew I was Lost and going to Hell, except this was heightened in the fact I was under water and physically not able to breath. I can still remember that feeling today just as though it happened 5 min ago. It was terrifying, I thought I would never come up, I dont believe words can truly convey the experience but the best I can tell you is I died in that watery grave.

Then the Pastor pulled me up from the water, and I felt life rush back into me, immediately all that fear was gone, and it was replaced by a sense of overwhelming peace and security. More over I felt clean, and it wasnt just a physical cleansing, it was a complete and total Spiritual cleansing. Again it is hard to describe in words this feeling, but it was an amazing never duplicated feeling of Spiritual Purity. There are absolutely no drugs that can match it, and I will tell you I tried for years prior to find it thru drugs, the experience I had with God after Salvation and Baptism. It was the greatest feeling I have ever had in my life, it is the most powerful and most intense experience I have ever experienced, the only thing that comes close are the times I am fully abiding in the Lord and He begins to speak to my heart and I can feel His Presence around me... It is a Rock the Lord laid in my life that I can look back to when times are hard and I can lean on it knowing full well that the God that saved me next to that bed and delivered me from that place, the God that I died out to in that watery grave and who immediately filled me with life and cleansed me from all my Sins, that same God is with me during all of my trials and tribulations. I am so very thankful for these Rocks God has given me as a memorial as to that which I have been through and knowing that there are more to come!!!
 





Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#4
I have other Rocks I could share but then this would go from the multipost behemoth of a post it is now to essentially a novel, I could speak on how God brought me out of a horrible relationship with a woman who cheated on me into a fuller and much deeper relationship with Him. How He gave me Grace to go to New Orleans and help after the Hurricane and the experiences I saw and felt in the Spirit there. How He delivered me into a company I spent years trying to get my foot into the door with immediately after the woman and New Orleans. How after I was unjustly fired from that same company 6 years later, when they tried to fight unemployment He stood up for me in a most miraculous way. How when my unemployment was going to end that literally the day it ended I was hired at another premier job. All the blessings along the way at that company. I can speak on how God lead me to my wife and how even tho I didnt understand or treat her the way I ought to have when we first started dating that after we broke up He moved us together in a way that I know for a fact was Divine Intervention. On and on I can go about Rock after Rock God has laid down in my life, that if I only stop and dwell on them I can see He never has left me even when it seemed He was no where to be found and I can have assurance He never will leave me no matter what I face or experience.

However there is one last Rock I would like to share with you, the most recent Rock and I can say its on par with Salvation and Baptism in how powerfully I have seen God move in this situation. Its borne out of tragedy but like most all of the deepest touching moments in our lives with God its in the midst of the Storm that He makes Himself known. I have spoken of my mother, how she was the one who continually prayed for me as I was Lost, how she set the example as I was growing up as to what Faith in Christ looked like even tho I hated her at the time for it. She was more than just my mother she was my best friend aside from my wife. She was also the only person in my life that was saved, she was the only who I could relate to about Christ, share Christ with, speak openly and honestly about my Faith. I was never part of a Church so to speak, and my entire family are all Lost. None of my friends were saved, and honestly ever since I was born again, those whom I was close to back then are pretty much out of my life. As soon as I started talking about God as opposed to the World they wanted nothing to do with me in any real way. What I am trying to say is I was extremely close to my mom and we shared a special bond that went past Mother and Son because we were each others Spiritual Rock in the flesh...

In March of 2014 she was diagnosed with Lung Cancer and I watched as she battled it like a champion, enduring treatment after treatment of Chemo and Radiation. She handled it way better than I could have imagined ( she suffered from depression and anxiety) and I am sure better than I would have. She always kept her sense of humor and always put on a brave face even when she was going to appointment after appointment with the doctors and an ungodly amount of Chemo and Radiation.

I personally was a wreck, it was hard to watch her go thru all of this without being able to help her, and I can say I wasnt the best son during the time either, I was acting selfish in many ways and didnt show her the support and love I ought to have. But then in November they did a Scan on her and the results came back positive, there were no signs of cancer, she was in remission!!!

Oh the joy of that day, I cried like a baby in her arms, and we just say and Praised the Lord!!! I was so relieved and excited, I was looking forward to her getting better and overcoming this in the name of Jesus!! I was praying and believed in Faith that God was going to use her as a display of His Power to heal her and that thru this miracle my father would come to salvation. I cant think of many days as happy and relieved as I was on that day!!!

Unfortunately this joy wasnt long lived as she went back in January to have another Scan and they found that the Cancer had moved to her brain. Oh this was devastating news, she and I were heart broken beyond the ability to put into words. I was crushed and I was angry at God, why would He give us this glimmer of hope a month before to then bring her into this reality!!! And I can not believe or understand what she must have felt, it was heart wrenching. The family told her we would understand if she didnt want to continue to fight she had been through so much to this point, but she refused to give up and went at the cancer swinging!!!

Chemo doesnt affect the brain due to the blood barrier, so she had to go strictly for Radiation, and she went to rigorous treatment of Radiation, 5 times a week, every day but weekends for a full month, a total of 20 doses. This completely changed and wrecked her, she lost all of her hair again, she could hardly move around, she was on all sorts of drugs. She became a shell of who she once was but we held out Faith that this would defeat the Cancer!!! The whole time I was going to Church praying having Elders of that Church come to anoint and pray for her, never losing hope. I cried out to the Lord continually more and more as we went hoping she would be a testimony of His power to heal and that my dad would see God in this miracle.

After 2 weeks of the Radiation she began to level off in terms of handling it, she wasnt as groggy cuz they cut the meds down, she was a bit more aware and by the end she seemed to be doing better, I was again filled with hope ready to see the Lord move in a mighty way!!! We had to wait a few months after her treatments ended for the next Scan and the results of the Scan, and about a month after the Radiation ended she seemed to be getting stronger, wanting to go out more do things, we were all hopeful.

When they give you Radiation it keeps working even after they stop giving it to you, it takes months before the affects wear off, and one sign is that you begin to regrow your hair back. In May of 2015 she began to start regrowing her hair, and the more that her hair grew the more she began to show signs of not feeling well. She kept trying to voice her concerns to us about it, but mom has always been a pessimist in terms of sickness and we were doing our best to keep our hopes up and stay positive for her. In June she was scheduled for the Scan and so she went in, and about a week later we all entered into the doctors office anxiously awaiting the results.

The doctor came into the room and gave us the news we never wanted to hear, that the Cancer had come back and spread into all of her brain and moved into her liver. That there was nothing left that we could do,no more treatments nothing was going to cure her. Oh how devastated I was and I can tell you that my mom died right there, they told her she had up to a month but she died right on the spot. We took her back home and she from that night on just went immediately downhill, we made her as comfortable as possible, and kept a vigil. My mother went home to be with Jesus on July 4 2015, I blessed to be by her side and she passed in my arms.

I did my best to keep it together for my father, gave her eulogy which was probably the hardest thing in my life but at the same time looking back now, it was a blessing to be given the opportunity to speak on my mothers behalf. Keeping it together however was very short lived, I remember coming home after the funeral taking off my suit and throwing it in rage, climbing into the shower and weeping for over an hour. I was thoroughly and completely devastated. I was so incredibly angry at God, I felt abandoned by Him, and couldnt imagine how my mother felt. She was literally my only physical connection to God, no one in my family was saved, I couldnt lean on anyone for Spiritual support, not only did I lose my mother and my best friend I lost my Spiritual Rock and felt cast into the sea alone. I was so so hurt and angry that she was given the all clear in November only to be told a month later she had brain cancer, I blamed God for giving false hope. I blamed God for not healing her I was raging at him, I never felt so abandoned in my life, I couldnt understand why He would allow her to suffer in that way, a way in which she didnt deserve. She was a sweet and kind and caring person, why put her through this agony, why take her at such an incredibly young age, she was only 59. My Faith was in tatters, I already left my previous Church because they were teaching blasphemy bringing in False Teachers, so I had absolutely no Spiritual support, and so I ended up turning my back on God all together.

Instead of turning to Him I looked completely away and turned to the world to help ease the pain, I began using drugs starting just a bit but soon was getting high everyday. I was filled with rage, stressed beyond capacity, I was drinking all the time, cussing up a storm. I was depressed and so anxiety ridden that I couldnt work many days and had to get on FMLA where I missed huge chunks of work even up to almost a month straight at one time.

I had gotten married in May of 2015 which was a bit of rushed marriage because I wanted my mother to be apart of the ceremony but just a few months into my marriage and it was already on the rocks. My wife and I were not getting along, I was constantly fighting with her, I was fighting with our daughter, my family life was a complete and total mess. I was watching Pornography continuously which started as just a bit then became an overwhelming addiction I was watching it all the time and of course it damaged my marriage.
 





Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#5
I never had gone so far from God, I stopped reading the Bible all together, if I spoke to God it was only to rage against Him blame Him yell at Him despise Him, then immediately get high drunk or watch Porn. I was in a continual cycle of Sin, but nothing I did helped at all. I would get high drunk watch Porn get into a fight whatever then I would be under so much conviction, I could feel the Holy Spirit grieving inside of me. I would get high be like what are you doing this doesnt even feel good then when I would come down I would immediately get high again and try and get higher and then feel conviction even more, it was a vicious cycle.

So we decided to take a family vacation in April of 2016, I looked at this as the opportunity to push a reset button in my life, we went to Florida and down to Key West. We had a blast while we were down there some of the greatest experiences of my life, and I was hoping that this would be a turning point, I could start feeling happiness and joy, that the stress of my life would go away. However this was short lived because literally the day I was back the reality I was trying so desperately to run from came crashing back in. No joke the minute I got back into town I got into a huge argument with my father over many things and was ready to write him off, and then immediately got into an argument with my wife. Reality smacked me even harder than before and off to Sin I went again.

This continued for a week or so where I just went even more full bore into Sin drinking doing drugs Porn fighting raging at the world my wife and I were on a the precipice of a divorce. I was a complete and total mess, my life was a disaster and the conviction I felt over all of it weighed upon me so heavily I couldnt even move.

Finally one night I collapsed down beside my bed and cried out from the bottom of my broken heart, God I dont want to live like this any more!! God I want to repent but I dont even know how to repent, please God help me!!! I just left it all there beside the bed and put everything at the foot of the cross, I cried for I dont know how long and just begged God for mercy to change me because anything I did to changed myself failed miserably. I didnt even have a clue how to repent from all the Sin I had been living in, but I felt that while I had no way to control the massive amount of Sin I found myself swimming in, I had 3 things I could control. I knew I shouldnt be cussing like I was, so I asked my family and co workers to hold me accountable anytime they heard me cuss, make me do 5 push ups. It became a game at work with a few of my co workers. I knew I had to get back to reading the Word so I picked it up for the first time in almost a year and began to read Psalms from the end and read it backwards praying everything David wrote down over my life. And I knew I had to go to Church.

So it was a Wed or Thrus when I cried out to God and that Sunday we decided to go to Church. I ended up picking a Church more or less out of convenience one down the street I had been to once or twice and so we went. Now nothing really happened at that service, I mean it was a nice service and all I suppose but I didnt really feel anything but I was glad to be doing what I know the Lord would have me to do. After Church we decided to go get some food and I remember the conversation with my wife, asking what she wanted to eat, after a quick discussion we settled on BBQ but didnt know what BBQ joint we wanted to eat at. So as we discussed it and looked at the choices in the area a place her and I used to go to when we first started dating was on the list called Smokey Bones. Now we hadnt eaten at this place in about 8 or so years, and the one near us wasnt the one we used to go to either, we had never been to this place before in our lives. Also the one closest to us wasnt very close either it was about a 20 or so min drive to an area of town we never really went to ever, but for whatever reason this was the specific restaurant we decided to go to after Church.

So we get there and its a normal lunch, had some delicious ribs and all the fixins! Get done eating go to the bathroom and on the way back to the booth I notice a guy in the booth a bit in front of us and he looks mighty familiar. After looking a bit more intently I realize that this is a guy named Ryan that I used to work with at Time Warner Cable about 8 years prior, and it had been at least 6 years since I seen him. He and I started on the same day and had the same training class, we even ended up being moved to a different town when we each got promoted a bit after being hired. We used to hang out all the time back in the day, but he was fired from TWC in the middle of a shift and I pretty much hadnt seen him since that day.

So I walked up to him and said hey Ryan, do you remember me? And hes like yeah from Time Warner right? And Im like yeah, how have you been? First words out of his mouth was, I WAS BORN AGAIN IN 2013!!! And I was shocked, like completely in awe!!! I knew without a doubt that this was a God sent moment in my life, I could just feel the Holy Spirit right there, I mean of all the places and all the times in the world when I was searching for God to show me how to repent, how to change, what to do, here is a man I hadnt seen in almost a decade and the first thing he says to me is I was BORN AGAIN!!! This was and still is amazing to me, I could try to go to that BBQ joint for decades and not have that experience, the hand of the Lord directed it without any doubts what so ever!!!

So inside I am freaking out but I try and remain calm and we have a bit of small talk, he introduces me to his new wife and informs me they were pregnant. I congratulate them and tell them I am looking for a new church ( I didnt get into all the details) and they invite me to their church not to far from the restaurant. We exchange numbers and he sends me the information the next day. So fast forward to the next Sunday, now I will tell you I was still struggling with some Sins, and had gone out the night before to celebrate with my co workers because my boss at the time was moving to a new store and I had gotten drunk. Anyways I had a bit of a hang over but I knew I had to go to Church so we got up at 9:30 and to Church we went...

I am telling you I had never been in a Church like this in my life, I was under conviction literally the moment I entered into the Sanctuary, I couldnt even get to my seat before I felt like crying and breaking down in sheer relief. It was undeniable the presence of the Lord in that building and it may sound crazy but I was so thankful for the conviction I was feeling it was intense!!! So the youth group gets up and as they were singing a man just randomly began to testify and preach and he began saying " It doesnt matter how dark it seems, or how far it is you feel from the Lord, Im telling you that He is reaching down His hand to you RIGHT NOW!!" And I was floored, like that man was speaking directly to me 100% I began to weep in the pews, I knew it was True, Jesus was reaching down His hand right there for me to pull me out of the darkness I found myself in and closer to Him!!! I was in utter shock I couldnt believe everything happening, how I felt the Spirit of the Lord upon me, and what he was testifying to, it felt as tho God had planned all of this specifically for me. Drew me to that Church on that one specific day to speak directly to me!!!

Then the preacher got up and began to preach, and when I say preach I mean PREACH, it took no less than 30 seconds to know that what I grew up in the kind of Church I had attended previously were all dead fake Churches with people who wear the label of preacher but at best are motivational speakers. I grew up in and attended mostly Large Non Denominational Churches, specifically one called the Vineyard. The difference between that Church and this one was night and day. And as he began to PREACH I was being cut left and right to the core by what he was saying, and I can just remember weeping during the sermon and feeling so thankful that I had finally found a REAL Church. I had been praying forever to find a Church that had power and that PREACHED the Real Gospel, not this watered down garbage my Church and all most every other Church I had been to in the past 15 years passed off as the Gospel.

The Pastor preached on the Balm in Gilead, explaining how during Israeli times those who were doctors would get Balm from a tree and make ointment out of it and apply it as medicine to the sick. He explained that the Balm that was in Gilead was in a place that was hard to reach, that people had to traverse great obstacles and many miles to find the cures they were looking for, but that now we can find that Balm easily when we just turn to Christ. Jesus is the Balm that we need to apply to ourselves to heal ourselves to fix all the problems we are going through!!! And man did that speak to me!! After everything I shared I had been through and here is a Preacher Ive never seen in a Church I was lead to by literally the Hand of God telling me that there was a way I could be healed and restored, and that there was a Balm in Gilead being offered just for me that day if I would just turn to Jesus!!!
 





Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#6
I was just rocked to my core, everything that happened in that service was just for me, every single thing, it was as tho God opened up Heaven stepped down and said "Here my child, I heard your every prayer, and here is the answer to all your cries!!" There were 2 things that stood out specifically from what he preached that I will carry for all my life, he said, and it felt like he was looking directly at me when he said it, "There is no happiness without holiness" and I just immediately rejoiced and had to agree 100%, there I had been living as ungodly as I have ever been and I was as unhappy as I had ever been in my life. The other thing he said was " The Living Word either cuts you in or cuts you out" the name of the Church was Living Word, and I knew without a doubt that I wanted cut in, never in my life had I wanted to be cut in but Jesus is the Living Word as well, and I know Jesus either cuts you in or cuts you out as well. I wanted to be cut in to both, I had an experience I can not deny was God moving all in it. It was another Rock the Lord placed in my life that I can look back to when things get hard and know for a FACT that He is there even when it comes to the hardest things I have had to endure in my life.

After the services I catch up with Ryan and ask if we can get together and talk and we make plans and meet up the next day at his house. He ends up giving his testimony of coming to the Lord which was amazingly powerful and then proceeds to tell me that he had been called to preach and gave me that testimony as well!!! Here it is the guy I knew but hadnt seen in almost a decade, that I "just so happen" to run into in a restaurant I had never been to before and come to find out he had never been to either, is now a preacher!! Man the Lord is real and He is moving that is for sure!!! Anyways I tell him everything that had been happening in my life and that I was struggling with smoking weed and drinking and ask him to pray with me, so we prayed on his back porch. We enjoy fellowship and I end up leaving.

I get home and I know exactly what needs to happen, I am just overwhelmed with the Holy Spirit on my life and in my heart. So I rush into the house and go and grab all my paraphernalia and make a declaration to my wife and child that I am done with drugs and alcohol and smash all my paraphernalia in the drive way!! Oh the look on their faces, especially my little girl, they were in shock that it was happening but I could see the happiness in their eyes!!! The Lord was moving mightily in my life and in my family!!!

As of yesterday May 1st it will be exactly one year since I first walked into that Church and felt the hand of the Lord on my life, and it will be exactly one year that I have been completely sober, no more drugs, no more drinking, no more Porn, no more cussing, the Lord has blessed me over and above what I asked Him when I cried out to help me Repent!! I havent had any depression even tho I have faced some fiery trials over the past year, I am no longer full of anxiety like I had been, I am no longer full of rage constantly but of course I battle anger daily, my marriage is in a completely different place, my relationship with my daughter is in a completely different place. I will tell you what I turned to Jesus that day crying from my heart to repent and He showed me exactly how to apply the Balm that will fix everything!!!

Not only has my personal life changed dramatically, as I had told you before I was the only person in my immediate family that was saved besides my mother, but my family has seen a radical change as well. Since we have attended this Church, coming up to their year anniversaries , I saw my wife come to Repentance, be Born Again, Saved and Baptized!!! I saw my little girl Repent, be Born Again, Saved and Baptized!!! I saw my niece Repent, be Born Again, Saved and Baptized!!! I saw my brother in law make a profession of Faith, but he still needs prayer, he is only 16 and his parents are pretty awful and he lives in a horrible neighborhood exposed to every vice and ill in the world. Its a struggle to be his age with no guidance but the Lord saved me from that life I know He can save him!!!

Not only that but my Father who I have in almost 40 yrs of life never seen step foot in a Church, and I believe my mother told me swore to himself he never would, has been to Church 4 times in the past year!! I know each time he has been under conviction and I am praying unceasingly that he comes to repentance and calls on Christ to save him!!! God has been blessing me every single solitary day, and of course life is still life, I have and even now am going through trials but I can look back at the Stones the Lord has placed in my life and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He is right there with me each step of the way!! Even when I turned my back on Him spit in His face and essentially cheated on Him by lusting after the world and its idols, even then He still waited patiently for me, and brought me back with arms wide open, blessing me even more than I have ever been!!! The Lord is Good!! Amen!!!

If you have made it to the end of this exceedingly long Thread then I hope and pray that somewhere along the line God spoke to you, blessed you, convicted you, or showed you that Salvation and Hope waits in the Hands of the Redeemer. I want you to know that it doesnt matter where in life you happen to find yourself, whether you are completely lost and never have know Jesus, or if you have know Jesus but you have walked back into the world waist deep in Sin or if you are close to the Lord but dealing with issues you just dont know if you can get through God has never and will never turn His back on you. He is calling out to you right now for you to come to Him, to come and get the Balm of Gilead and He Himself will apply it, all you have to do is cry out from a broken and contrite heart and I promise you He WILL hear your prayers!!! God is no respecter of persons if He did it for me I am exceedingly assured He will do it for you!!!

If you need prayers for anything please feel free to message me or even post in here!!! If you want to testify to what the Lord has done in your life, even if its the size of a small novel please feel free to testify to His Glory and I will read it. I just want others to have the same joy, the same peace, the same assurance, the same love, that I have come to know in Christ Jesus, and if there is anything at all I can do to be of service to you or for God I want to do as best as I can for you. But whether I can do anything at all for you doesnt matter cuz while I can assure you I will fail you I know someone who can do it all and will never fail, this man named Jesus!!!

I love you all, and hope you have a blessed and wonderful day, week, month, year!!!

God Bless,

Daciple
 





Joined
Apr 20, 2017
Messages
977
Likes
3,274
#8
That was an interesting read @Daciple. I think it is beneficial to all of us to realize that we are interacting with real people, often dealing with heavy issues, on these boards and reports like yours bring that fact home. Thank you for typing it out and for your courage not only in standing for your beliefs but in trying to help others in the process.
 





Joined
Apr 6, 2017
Messages
1,846
Likes
2,079
#16
Oh I forgot to ask, are you a Calvinist btw? Some things you've said in the lose my salvation thread to Lisa indicates you might be. I'm just curious.
 





Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
1,108
Likes
2,177
#19
Cold as ice. Sorry for asking and bothering you. I can see I'm not worth your time.
I apologize if it came off cold, I didnt mean for it to come off that way Tanya, I have been very busy lately and didnt have time to go into detail about my views, but at the same time I didnt want to ignore your question. I also wasnt trying to begin a debate about Calvinism.

I hope you forgive me for being short and you were not bothering me at all, you are more than worth my time to speak to. For more of an explanation, yes I believe that once someone is saved they are Eternally Saved, but I do not subscribe to the ideology as it is understood in Calvinism. I fully reject all 5 points of Calvinism even if parts bare some Truth. I also do not subscribe to Arminianism, and believe that it is foolish to box oneself into a man made system of interpretation of the Bible, as tho Calvin or anyone else has come to perfectly understand the Word of God and their version of interpretation is some type of Holy Grail of thought.

On a personal level I have found many Calvinists to be cold and rather heartless, and I suppose after my own personal studies I seem to view Calvinism as lazy, its a cop out to searching and praying and being guided by the Holy Spirit into understanding the whole of Scripture. How easy is it to say well instead of me searching the Scriptures to find out the Truth, Ill just follow what this guy says and then base my entire philosophy and relationship with the Word of God and God Himself upon his conclusions?

I also find it rather absurd the position most Calvinists I have met take which is if you reject Calvinism then you probably or definitively are not saved, which again makes me question their Faith, where its at, what its in, and why they find the ideology of a man something that is Salvation Dependent. I can go on and on speaking as to why I reject Calvinism but again Id rather not make this thread about Calvinism. One last thing I would state is I cant for the life me understand why anyone would ever adopt a system of Biblical Interpretation from an outright murderer, if you are out here literally putting to death people who disagree with your ideology, while claiming to be a Christian, then I want absolutely nothing to do with your ideology. No thanks I will stick to reading and studying the Bible with the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to guide me as opposed to being lazy and letting some murderer tell me how I ought to interpret the Bible...

I hope that is a better explanation and I apologize if I came off cold it wasnt my intention, if you need anything else please let me know, I love you Tanya!!!