I have DID, AMA

[mecca]

It's incredibly frustrating not knowing what email I've used to sign up for shit, so I spend a few minutes every once in a while logging into many emails and sending verification codes all over the place just to log into "Minecraft" for instance.

You should write it down or something.

 

[Trenton]

You should write it down or something.

I do sometimes lol, but I forget where I put it afterwards.

 

[Trenton]

How have Christians you have met offline dealt with your descriptions of what you experience?

I don't know any Christians IRL...

I mean my (biological) family is newage/Satanist BS or athiests.

My aunt is a born again Christian, but I try not to get religious advise from her because she's unstable mentally, and has a history of following whatever religion her boyfriend's (most of them JWs) and currently her husband who is Baptist I think.

My grandmother was Catholic, and she gave me Bible books for children and a copy of the holy scriptures (Catholic Bible) which I couldn't read as a child. I was illiterate until I was 11.

My current therapist is a Christian I believe but we don't talk about spirituality much. I'm sure he would if I wanted that as part of my treatment but we focus more on self esteem and day to day memory integration currently.

My boyfriend's orthodontist is a Christian too, and she's really kind. But when she asked one time "why don't you work? You're 28!" I tried to explain to her (in as non disclosure as I could but still give her an idea why I'm mentally disabled) she replied with "You seem fine to me!"

I do! I do seem fine! I'm trying really hard all the time to seem fine. I'm trying every day to not lose my mind completely. I try to seem like I'm not one bad moment away from being hospitalized.

I've thought of going to church before. But I never get the courage to. And I'd hate for one of my alters who are triggered or get angry about the idea to ruin something like that for me.

My boyfriend is staunchly athiest. Nihilist at that, and I don't have the strength to deal with him ridiculing me.

I know I don't need church to be with God. But sometimes I like the idea of community.

But being intersex, going through gender reassignment, being (as male identified and attracted to men) homosexual, and having MPD, I'm hard pressed cto find a community equipped to include and involve me in a meaningful way.

I also think I completely lack the social skills required.

 

[JoChris]

I don't know any Christians IRL...

I mean my (biological) family is newage/Satanist BS or athiests.

My aunt is a born again Christian, but I try not to get religious advise from her because she's unstable mentally, and has a history of following whatever religion her boyfriend's (most of them JWs) and currently her husband who is Baptist I think.

My grandmother was Catholic, and she gave me Bible books for children and a copy of the holy scriptures (Catholic Bible) which I couldn't read as a child. I was illiterate until I was 11.

My current therapist is a Christian I believe but we don't talk about spirituality much. I'm sure he would if I wanted that as part of my treatment but we focus more on self esteem and day to day memory integration currently.

My boyfriend's orthodontist is a Christian too, and she's really kind. But when she asked one time "why don't you work? You're 28!" I tried to explain to her (in as non disclosure as I could but still give her an idea why I'm mentally disabled) she replied with "You seem fine to me!"

I do! I do seem fine! I'm trying really hard all the time to seem fine. I'm trying every day to not lose my mind completely. I try to seem like I'm not one bad moment away from being hospitalized.

I've thought of going to church before. But I never get the courage to. And I'd hate for one of my alters who are triggered or get angry about the idea to ruin something like that for me.

My boyfriend is staunchly athiest. Nihilist at that, and I don't have the strength to deal with him ridiculing me.

I know I don't need church to be with God. But sometimes I like the idea of community.

But being intersex, going through gender reassignment, being (as male identified and attracted to men) homosexual, and having MPD, I'm hard pressed cto find a community equipped to include and involve me in a meaningful way.

I also think I completely lack the social skills required.

How I wish I could adopt you in real life. I don't have any Christians in my life except my church, and unfortunately for several reasons it is unlikely I will ever get close to any people there. E.g. atheist husband, can't drive to Christian fellowship events.

You are a complex case. Frankly you have mentioned many reasons why many churches might be hesitant to include you in real life. My major concern from the Christian perspective is your relationship as an intersex man with another man. No easy answers there. I do not believe alternative sexual identities can be just "thought away". I have seen and watched testimonies of Christians who have become straight but it appears to be a challenging spiritual battle, just like heterosexuals who have had multiple partners etc.

Back to DID. If your therapist is a Christian then you could have very constructive talks about DID and personal spirituality.

With you boyfriend being staunchly atheist - I understand very well why you avoid that topic since I have an atheist husband. Guaranteed conflict is the last thing you need.

How does your boyfriend's nihilism affect you personally? Does it get you down or can you ignore it well, like I have learned to ignore my husband's love of Rugby League?

 

[Trenton]

How does your boyfriend's nihilism affect you personally? Does it get you down or can you ignore it well, like I have learned to ignore my husband's love of Rugby League?

I know of many churches in my area who welcome LGBT people, even offering leadership positions. Even in the Bible belt, we seem to be moving forward and more loving like Christ every year.

As for my boyfriend, it's really hard not to argue my point of view with him. In the past I have, sometimes is okay, sometimes he gets stubborn in telling me I'm just "wrong".

He does like to tell people "Well, my boyfriend has actually read the Bible, not that I believe in it, but he could teach you a lot about issues, x,y,z..."

He seems proud of me in some sense.

But my God, does it get me down when he goes on about "Religion is stupid and brainwashing" or "when you die there's probably absolutely nothing"

I believe I'm here and sentient for a reason. I can't believe "nothing matters and nothing is real" when the universe literally exists!

It sure can be confusing but more often than not when I ponder deeply about the universe and life, I'm convinced there's a grand operator, and intelligent design behind it all.

If Armageddon begins in our lifetime I'll look at him and say "lol told you so. Now dont take the microchip in your hand, it's not worth it. And maybe tell Jesus you're ready to listen."

 

[Devine]

so i'm not trying to hear gory details but im curious when you said that some kids get abused real bad and don't get DID. do you think that was your abuser's intention for you? like the stories we read about on here, were you exposed to satanic ritual abuse or military or other intentional programming?
also: did you watch the show United states of Tara and if so how did you feel about it's portrayal of DID?
thanks for sharing

 

[Trenton]

so i'm not trying to hear gory details but im curious when you said that some kids get abused real bad and don't get DID. do you think that was your abuser's intention for you? like the stories we read about on here, were you exposed to satanic ritual abuse or military or other intentional programming?
also: did you watch the show United states of Tara and if so how did you feel about it's portrayal of DID?
thanks for sharing

I don't remember much of my childhood but a lot of it was due to witnessing violence and death in person.

I don't think my family intended for me to become mutiple, such as the end goal in many cults and SRA circles.

My biological father used to be a Satanist. But my only memories of him are good. Other alters have claimed otherwise. But I have no idea.

I also suffered from sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental degradation, emotional withholding, etc.

Losing my twin in utero (I've heard 3 variations on what happened) one of which involved my mother claiming the doctors removed him early, 'stilborn' but she claims he was choking and alive and moving.

Another is that some people (presumably lawyers for the hospital) offered my mother 1 million dollars to sell my twin to them...??

Another was that he dissolved and I absorbed him (it may be my mistake in understanding, since my mother used fertility drugs it could have been 3-4 fetuses in there with me who knows)

All too difficult to get an answer from my mother as she today is a drug abuser and is hardly coherent anymore.

I also have watched United States of Tara. I think the show actually did a decent job portraying the disorder in it's "full blown" MPD.

There's a lot of critcs about the show. For one reason or another. But when I watched the show I thought "oh Jesus, is that what I'm like?" According to my friends, yes. I'm exactly like that.

Changing clothes, changing demeanor, everything. Hidden child alters who come out and pee everywhere or do crazy shit like punch family members? It happens.

It's embarrassing and scary. But it really is like that for some folks with D.I.D.

I remember part of the show specifically resonated with me, and why I don't try very hard to recover abuse memories or take action against my abusers.

"Buck" Tara's male agressive 'protector' alter, went off one day to find a family member (can't remember who exactly) to accuse and fight him over apparently molesting Tara as a child.

When he got there and confronted the person, it turns out he was "delusional" and there was evidence in favor of that never have happened to Tara.

It's why I both believe and stay cautious of any of my alters claims of abuse.

It's hard to know what really happened or not when you don't have vivid memories.


A lot of the controversy around MPD surrounded therapists forging DID in their own clients. False memory syndrome, and the case of "Sybil" which turned out to be a complete and utter fraud. The whole Sybil case was completely fabricated.

It's crazy. But yeah, as far as fictional TV, "United States of Tara" was chillingly accurate.

My biggest issue with the show (my boyfriend agrees) is her husband, didn't want to be engaged with her alters, especially sexually.

It's understandable to not want to fuck a child alter, or teen alter. Or a male alter if you're only attracted to straight women.

But he rejected them entirely and caused her a lot of emotional harm.

Also that she took "meds" to make the alters go away.

It absolutely doesn't work that way.

 

[NewOnThisSite]

And I agree that some alter egos are easy to differentiate. I got a ton of those too. Like Aero. Who is like the general of all of my other alters. He projects my most balanced persona. Although he is still a hothead. Than there is "Infection". He's toxic as fuck. Like he bathes in battery acid.

Starburst is my sex alter. You know, they shouldn't be so blatantly obvious. But with me most of them are. I have an alter named Killa. Named after the dog from that movie "Half Baked". He doesn't kill anyone, but he can fly around. And makes a great sacrifice.

Sorry to sound so extremely insensitive, but is that post for real?

That sounds like MKULTRA/Monarch 101 (sex alter, "kila" alter, "sacrifice"). It's almost too blatant.

Have you been "through the program"?

 

[NewOnThisSite]

A lot of people with DID (myself included) not only went through SRA, but also fell victim to Christian abuse.

In fact more often than not it seems a lot of people with DID have been traumatized by "bad Christians" and will hold an irrational fear of anything relating to Jesus.

I wonder whether this was part of the program though.

There's a lot of assholes claiming and believing to be genuine Christians, no doubt, but in a case like yours... SRA and all, maybe there was a charade involved? Traumatize with SRA and then traumatize again with fake Christians to associate the Christian spiritual path with danger?

It's weird that you mention that lots of people with DID encountered this... sounds almost like it's part of the "package".

I mean you have told that your alters refer to themselves as ghosts possessing you. Have you tried exorcism? I know how this sounds, but given the things you said...

Also, you mentioned that these ghosts lived lives prior:

Are you sure they are human spirits? What makes you sure they are not something else?

Do they have occult knowledge of sorts? Given the topics on this website.. what's their reaction reading the articles here, especially the ones describing split personalities, alters etc. ?

Also, if they refer to themselves as ghosts, then the one person not refering to himself/herself as a ghost is the core persona I guess?

Have you tested their claims? If they lived lives prior, they should be able to prove it. Know some historic facts about cities where they lived etc. which cannot be easily deducted from Wikipedia and Google. Have you tried to check their claims?

 

[Aero]

Sorry to sound so extremely insensitive, but is that post for real?

That sounds like MKULTRA/Monarch 101 (sex alter, "kila" alter, "sacrifice"). It's almost too blatant.

Have you been "through the program"?

The program? You mean white torture like sensory deprivation. Violent abuse and clandestine drugging. The answer is yes. But I try not to think of things like that. And it's not anymore blatant than the "Wizard of Oz". My mood just dictates that I take a casual approach. Like ok these things happened, they are real. But they don't define me.

Nobody strapped me down in a room. I wasn't kidnapped. I just had parents who were kind of dumb. They helped program me, or at least were powerless to stop it.

 

[NewOnThisSite]

Were you in a cult? "Clandestine drugging" and "programming" sounds like it.
What did you mean by the Kila-alter was "great for sacrifice"?

And it's not anymore blatant than the "Wizard of Oz".

Actually, no.
This quote of yours:

Starburst is my sex alter. You know, they shouldn't be so blatantly obvious. But with me most of them are. I have an alter named Killa. Named after the dog from that movie "Half Baked". He doesn't kill anyone, but he can fly around. And makes a great sacrifice.

Ticks all the boxes on this website. The names and functions of these alters are kind of extremely MK-related. Also that he can "fly around" reminds me very much of the various butterfly/floating dissociation references.

Don't take this in a bad way, but even given the creepy topics on this forum, your post creeped me more out than the usual stuff here.

The people who did this to you, was creating DID their goal? Or was it a sick "just for fun"?

 

[Trenton]

I wonder whether this was part of the program though.

There's a lot of assholes claiming and believing to be genuine Christians, no doubt, but in a case like yours... SRA and all, maybe there was a charade involved? Traumatize with SRA and then traumatize again with fake Christians to associate the Christian spiritual path with danger?

It's weird that you mention that lots of people with DID encountered this... sounds almost like it's part of the "package".

I mean you have told that your alters refer to themselves as ghosts possessing you. Have you tried exorcism? I know how this sounds, but given the things you said...

Also, you mentioned that these ghosts lived lives prior:

Are you sure they are human spirits? What makes you sure they are not something else?

Do they have occult knowledge of sorts? Given the topics on this website.. what's their reaction reading the articles here, especially the ones describing split personalities, alters etc. ?

Also, if they refer to themselves as ghosts, then the one person not refering to himself/herself as a ghost is the core persona I guess?

Have you tested their claims? If they lived lives prior, they should be able to prove it. Know some historic facts about cities where they lived etc. which cannot be easily deducted from Wikipedia and Google. Have you tried to check their claims?

As for fake christianity/SRA, yeah I've definitely considered that
as part of the tactic. A big reason why I said "I don't know any real Christians IRL".

That's also another reason I've never tried an exorcism.

As for the different alters I have, yeah most, if not all of them, claim to be ghosts. Not demons, but human spirits. Ranging in (hisotrical age) from ~1100 ad, (Tomast who speaks old high German, very very strange)

To Trenton and Stuart brothers, 1930s-1950s

And Charlie about the same time period as Trenton and Stuart, except he's about 10+ years older? (1930-1957)

And yeah, I have done Google searches to verify their claims. And I have found census records, and property listings,

Even a newspaper article with evidence surrounding Trenton and Stuart's death.

I could always put together a blog with this information and stuff. I know you're new to the forum, but I think a couple years ago I posted some of the "evidence" (however convincing it can even be) when I broached the topic in the past.

I don't have core persona. I'm definitely serious about that. None of me don't claim to be a "ghost".

By that I mean, we all know we were alive before, living another life. And we all accept now, we share one body in this one life.

We can freely leave and float around doing typical ghost stuff, when not being "out".


I feel like the more I divulge the closer I'm getting to hearing the words "your shitting us right"

I've given people enough evidence in the past that I'm not full of shit, at least. A few past members of the forum used to PM me and pester me all about this topic. And eventually after saying "prove it" asked for a remote visit from one of us.

Then inevitably always say "okay I believe you now please get this demon out of my house it keeps shutting down my PC or knocking my cups over I'm scared I can't sleep"

"Not a fucking demon Anon! I'm a human just like you! But yeah I'll go!!! Remember the 20 emails you sent curious all about this?? Sorry bout your cup I'm truly gomen"

 

[Trenton]

Each of my ghosts in their past lives we're "Saved Christians" as well, so maybe Christ had a very literal meaning in "granting everlasting life".

Something I often ponder.
Along with ample evidence Christ layed in favor of reincarnation.

 

[NewOnThisSite]

Alright, I am creeped out.

This thread is far scarier than any VC article.

I don't have core persona. I'm definitely serious about that. None of me don't claim to be a "ghost".

By that I mean, we all know we were alive before, living another life. And we all accept now, we share one body in this one life.

Is that still DID though? Usually multiple personalities (at least the dominant ones) still "know" that they are the result of a psychological disorder. But this is something else entirely. Have you mentioned the ghost-aspect to any therapist?

Philosophical question: If you're a cluster of ghosts... are you actually grateful that the host got traumatized so much which allowed that body to be your home?

What's your attitude towards the abusers of the body?

By the way, your "condition" sounds very similar to Scientological "body thetans". What's your opinion about that?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_thetan

In Scientology, the concept of the thetan is similar to the concept of self, or the spirit or soul. A body thetan or a BT is a disincarnate thetan who is "stuck" in, on or near a human body, and all human bodies are said to be infested by these disembodied thetans, or clusters of them.

According to Hubbard, body thetans cling to a body because they have lost their free will as a result of events in their past. There are several Scientology auditing 'processes' which are believed to help a body thetan restore free will. Upon reaching OT III, the individual finds body thetans by locating any sensation of pressure or mass in his or her body.

We can freely leave and float around doing typical ghost stuff, when not being "out".

Has your boyfriend witnessed these ESP activities? You said he's a strict materialist (or at least most of his alters are): If he witnessed something like that, how can he still hold strictly materialistic beliefs? What his response about the fact-checkings of the previous lifes of your alters? How does he explain that?

 

[Trenton]

Alright, I am creeped out.

This thread is far scarier than any VC article.



Is that still DID though? Usually multiple personalities (at least the dominant ones) still "know" that they are the result of a psychological disorder. But this is something else entirely. Have you mentioned the ghost-aspect to any therapist?

I have mentioned it to therapists in the past, and doctors in the mental hospital.

That's how I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia for 2 long years before another psychologist at the hospital diagnosed me with DID after spending time interviewing me and witnessed a "switch".

My current therapist I have just been bluntly honest with him about the ghost stuff. He doesn't really encourage or respond to it, but I think he sees it as a "unique coping mechanism" in how I rationalize "where my alters go when they're not dominant".

Spiritual possession isn't accepted societally or scientifically so I'm DXd with DID. I can't really do much convincing of a psychologist, they're scientists.

Philosophical question: If you're a cluster of ghosts... are you actually grateful that the host got traumatized so much which allowed that body to be your home?

What's your attitude towards the abusers of the body?

I'm not greatful whatsoever for child abuse. It breaks my heart.

I didn't choose to be here, to forcefully possess someone, I feel like I just appeared one day, or maybe was born into this body. I don't understand birth or death any better than any "normal living human" does.

Being dead for instance, as a ghost, isn't much different than being alive. Apart from not having a body. Nor did I realise for a long time I was dead. It took maybe 10 years before it clicked. One day it's 50+ years later and I'm in a new place in a body. It's confusing sure but that's best as I can explain it right now.

By the way, your "condition" sounds very similar to Scientological "body thetans". What's your opinion about that?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_thetan

In Scientology, the concept of the thetan is similar to the concept of self, or the spirit or soul. A body thetan or a BT is a disincarnate thetan who is "stuck" in, on or near a human body, and all human bodies are said to be infested by these disembodied thetans, or clusters of them.

According to Hubbard, body thetans cling to a body because they have lost their free will as a result of events in their past. There are several Scientology auditing 'processes' which are believed to help a body thetan restore free will. Upon reaching OT III, the individual finds body thetans by locating any sensation of pressure or mass in his or her body.

Scientology sounds like a lot of bullshit.
That's my only thought lol.
If it's real, great but like, I'm not some mindless thetan, I'm a human, with my own free will and memories.

Has your boyfriend witnessed these ESP activities? You said he's a strict materialist (or at least most of his alters are): If he witnessed something like that, how can he still hold strictly materialistic beliefs? What his response about the fact-checkings of the previous lifes of your alters? How does he explain that?

He has seen psychokenesis events, he has seen some of us physically outside the body. He has seen the papers found on old records online.

He's still annoyingly an athiest.

I don't know how he can simultaneously believe in ghosts and not believe in a hereafter. It stumps me honestly.

He may just be playing along with me or something, maybe thinks I'm full of shit, doesn't matter really what he thinks anyhow, truth is truth whether or not it is believed.

His DID is very typical of the actual psychological disorder. And at times his various alters differ very little from one another personality wise. The only differential in those similar alters are, amnesia and names.

Some are very different, but, he has many more alters than I do, both male and female.

Even other people, I think it's human nature, to even witness the "paranormal" and stay in denial or skeptical about it.

I hope I've answered your questions well enough.

If not feel free to ask anything else. I don't mind that much tbh. It's just hard to explain I guess.

 

[Trenton]

I reread the post and want to add to this, because I didn't answer some points effectively.

Also, you mentioned that these ghosts lived lives prior:

Are you sure they are human spirits? What makes you sure they are not something else?

I do believe in Demonic spirits, but I can assure you I'm a human, Tom and Charlie are humans, and so is my brother Stuart.

Could there be demons as well? You bet. I've been through some really frightening and shitty things every so often that make me think of actual demon possession.

Praying helps.

Do they have occult knowledge of sorts? Given the topics on this website.. what's their reaction reading the articles here, especially the ones describing split personalities, alters etc. ?

I'm not sure what you umean by occult knowledge other than info available to all free citizens.

If you mean do I know secrets of hell or alchemy or magic, I do not.
Nor does anyone else.

As for MKULTRA (I Trenton have personal experience with the program from my past life, at least second hand knowledge from my father, he would actually talk about things sometimes with his buddies, military rumors and shit. My grandfather who died a few years before I was born was a 31st degree Mason, and also in order of the Oddfellows and Knights of Pythias. I found old trunks full of weird shit in the attic when I was still alive.)

Also, if they refer to themselves as ghosts, then the one person not refering to himself/herself as a ghost is the core persona I guess?

Have you tested their claims? If they lived lives prior, they should be able to prove it. Know some historic facts about cities where they lived etc. which cannot be easily deducted from Wikipedia and Google. Have you tried to check their claims?

Charlie was born and raised here in Springfield Missouri, from 1930-1957.

There's an old legend about "Albino Farm" where people like to go investigate this haunted old ruin of a home. Apparently there was an Albino man who would roam the property and shoot tresspassers.

Haunted or something.

Well of course me and my boyfriend and his best friend at the time went to investigate a year or two back.

Charlie was laughing the whole time saying "You're not going to find any ghosts out here man... This used to be a farm, and there was an Albino but he was just weird. He never shot no one. People used to board their horses here, I even came up here many times and people had picnics and horse races and shit. Shame it burned down but there ain't any haunting."

I did a bit if research when we got home and sure enough he was right.

I could also tell you all about my home town Moulton Iowa. It's a shit splat town 100 miles from the border of Missouri.

1 square mile, used to be home to about 2000 people when I was alive, and now maybe like 600 people.

They're trying to sell my house right now, after gutting it 3 different times and repainting the interior since I lived. It was a beautiful house before and now it's painted all orange and shit inside.

My old bedroom is a purple girls bedroom now. I hate it.

There's an old mine about 400 yards down from my house, covered in sticks. I used to throw shit down there for fun.

My sister worked at the textile shop on main Street. There used to be a grocery store and toy store and a grill and a train stop. But now residents have to go to Centerville to shop and stuff.

IDK. Its difficult to deal with not being in my old life but I'm in the same sense happy to be here and be "alive" again.

My old life was pretty hard and I went through some shit myself, and again in this one.

Learning cycles maybe? Karma? Idfk.

As for Tomast, he lived in a village on the border of modern day Germany/Switzerland.

'Ogonhaldn'

Doesn't exist in the map. Can't find record of the civilization. It was around 1100 AD.

He writes journals sometimes in his old language. It's different from modern German. I've tried to translate it but I couldn't so I asked him to translate it for me as best he could to modern English.

I'll post it sometime if anyone wants to read it. Have to find the book.

I might have posted it in the past on here, probably on the old forums.

 

[Faker He-Man]

I don't have core persona. I'm definitely serious about that. None of me don't claim to be a "ghost".

By that I mean, we all know we were alive before, living another life. And we all accept now, we share one body in this one life.

I can't imagine how confusing this must be for you.

Usually discarnates will move on once they remember who they are and that they are no longer living. Are any of the alters exhibiting repetitive patterned thoughts or behaviors?

Do you have any early memories of the current lifetime? How far back can you remember? Any interest in finding the core persona if it could help relieve some confusion? Do you all think you are "him" (the body)?

Is the person reading this the same person who started this topic?

Thank you for sharing. You seem to be a very special case. Please don't take that the wrong way, I do not think you're crazy, it is just fascinating to me.

 

[Trenton]

I can't imagine how confusing this must be for you.

Right? It really is. But I'm definitely not schizophrenic, therapist after therapist has told me "You're too lucid and your thinking isn't disorganized. I don't know why you're diagnosed with Schizophrenia. Especially since you're unmedicated."

Usually discarnates will move on once they remember who they are and that they are no longer living. Are any of the alters exhibiting repetitive patterned thoughts or behaviors?

I agree and I used to believe this as well, especially when I was alive.

I thought I heard or saw ghosts when I was a kid (in the 40s) and probably I did, or maybe I was a scared kid making goblins up in my mind (as my dad would assure me)

In Church I learned that the dead rest and wait to be ressurected by the Lord in the end times... So I assumed that was that. Ghosts aren't real.

As for repetitive behaviors, all of us do have flashbacks to our deaths or a bad event in our past lives. Sometimes reenacting suituations uncontrollably in this life. Reacting PTSD style to shut that isn't really happening. Etc.

Not so much with abuse from this current life though, which is weird.

Do you have any early memories of the current lifetime? How far back can you remember? Any interest in finding the core persona if it could help relieve some confusion? Do you all think you are "him" (the body)?

I'd love to find the core persona if there is one, but one has never emerged.

As for how far back I remember, me (Trenton) and Stuart remember most of the childhood. But not the bad stuff, or we are hiding the memories from ourselves really well.

My earliest memories are from ages 2-onward, Stuart remembers 6-7 onward.

We didn't remember our past lives until about age 11? It's strange I know but it is what it is. When the memories of our past lives returned it was in increments as well, I didn't remember my whole past life from baby onward to my death at 14, until I was about 20.

We are all very aware this is 2017, we share one person's body. We don't think of ourselves as "him" exactly but as our own selves. But the fact that we share this life is obvious and stuff. IDK if that makes sense.

Is the person reading this the same person who started this topic?

Thank you for sharing. You seem to be a very special case. Please don't take that the wrong way, I do not think you're crazy, it is just fascinating to me.

I think Tomast or Stuart started this thread.

I'm guessing from a couple of posts Charlie chimed in a couple times.

I've posted the last 3-4 myself. (Trenton)

Yyyyep

 

[Aero]

Were you in a cult? "Clandestine drugging" and "programming" sounds like it.
What did you mean by the Kila-alter was "great for sacrifice"?

No but my Grandpa was a free mason. In my case they seemed to pick me, I didn't pick them. And you must of missed the story of who Killer the dog was. Basically he dies in the movie. Hence my sacrificial comment.

Ticks all the boxes on this website. The names and functions of these alters are kind of extremely MK-related. Also that he can "fly around" reminds me very much of the various butterfly/floating dissociation references.

Don't take this in a bad way, but even given the creepy topics on this forum, your post creeped me more out than the usual stuff here.

The people who did this to you, was creating DID their goal? Or was it a sick "just for fun"?

LOL. It's fine. I'm just so used to this stuff. I've integrated it all into my conscious awareness. And they didn't do it for fun. They create alter egos so they can send them on missions. But I think they are manipulating everyone's behavior. My case isn't rare, but everyone doesn't have so many alter egos. Normal DID wouldn't create alter egos that fly around. Probably not anyway

 

[JoChris]

I know of many churches in my area who welcome LGBT people, even offering leadership positions. Even in the Bible belt, we seem to be moving forward and more loving like Christ every year.

As for my boyfriend, it's really hard not to argue my point of view with him. In the past I have, sometimes is okay, sometimes he gets stubborn in telling me I'm just "wrong".

He does like to tell people "Well, my boyfriend has actually read the Bible, not that I believe in it, but he could teach you a lot about issues, x,y,z..."

He seems proud of me in some sense.

But my God, does it get me down when he goes on about "Religion is stupid and brainwashing" or "when you die there's probably absolutely nothing"

I believe I'm here and sentient for a reason. I can't believe "nothing matters and nothing is real" when the universe literally exists!

It sure can be confusing but more often than not when I ponder deeply about the universe and life, I'm convinced there's a grand operator, and intelligent design behind it all.

If Armageddon begins in our lifetime I'll look at him and say "lol told you so. Now dont take the microchip in your hand, it's not worth it. And maybe tell Jesus you're ready to listen."

Hmmm... if a church takes the bible's commandments seriously on marriage and passages RE homosexuality, a pro-gay marriage and pro-homosexual leaders in church position is impossible. But that is another topic.

The "it's all by chance" position takes way more faith than belief in Higher Being/s. Of course every scientismist will mock and blow raspberries at that statement. "But EVOLUTION is proved (in their minds)... only stupid people disagree with (THEORY of) Evolution..."

I see your following entries show that your family was seriously into the occult. How much do you believe that is a factor in your DID?
If you/ alter egos are a Christian, have you ever looked at information for Christians who wish to become free of that?