I have DID, AMA

Trenton

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Some photos that show the general difference in expression and musculature my alters exhibit.


Trenton-
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Charlie-
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Tomast-
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Stuart-
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It helps me to know who was "out" even just by looking at photos that were taken of me because my demeanor changes quite drastically.

I don't journal anymore because that caused me problems in the past. But Facebook posts or pictures I take help me get an idea of who was doing what and when.
 
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Maes17

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This frickin crazy!

Do you carry memories as you switch egos?
I can only imagine the neurological circuts going on in your brain.

Whatever it is,
You're an interesting fellow
 

Trenton

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Differences are huge...How is that even possible...
I feel like the difference is a bit subtle but if you knew me in person it'd be easier to "spot the difference" especially in my voice and mannerisms. Certain home videos of me seem cringeworthy, or I feel like I'm watching a stranger. It's pretty uncomfortable for me to look in the mirror most days.
 

Trenton

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This frickin crazy!

Do you carry memories as you switch egos?
I can only imagine the neurological circuts going on in your brain.

Whatever it is,
You're an interesting fellow
Okay so here's the tricky part. I'll break it up into two explanations to make it easier.

For the most part, I stay at home 90% of the time. Half the time I'm diurnal, half the time I'm nocturnal. My body is haywaire so I just take sleep when I can get it.

When I do leave my house, it's for 1 of 3 things.

Groceries/clothing

Family functions like 4th July, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

Or a short hike, with or without friends.
(I don't have many friends and I see them maybe once or twice a year if at all)

If say, Charlie goes grocery shopping at Walmart or something... If I'm myself (Tom) I will probably remember "I went to Walmart and bought food".

I may or may not know who went shopping, but I will not know anything Charlie said or bought. But I'll usually know where I went.

There's circumstances (especially when I was younger) where I've lost entire memories.

Not just memories from my childhood, bit as a teenager when things were relatively safe and stress free for me.

I've lost over a month of time. I've never been able to recover the memory of that time, to the point where I'm not sure if I'm being told the truth about it.

When I was 17 I guess I completely shaved my head bald. It would take a while to grow all the hair back, and I seriously do not remember this whatsoever.

If I say "Hey I really like neopolitan ice cream" I may a week or month or whenever later, say "God neopolitan ice cream is terrible who would eat that?"

And I usually get people mad at me about "lying about my preferences" or being "flip floppy".

Or I will get in trouble for not remembering doctors appointments I've made or making promises to people and other stuff.

My memory is really terrible.

I often re read posts I've made on this forum over and over and over because "whoever is out" will not know what someone else posted.
 

llleopard

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Hi :) A question I am curious about, if you don't mind. I seem to remember a photo you posted of you in a band? Are all of you musical, or is that a trait that only some have, and if so, did each person have to learn separately or did one person learn on behalf of some/all?
 

Trenton

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Hi :) A question I am curious about, if you don't mind. I seem to remember a photo you posted of you in a band? Are all of you musical, or is that a trait that only some have, and if so, did each person have to learn separately or did one person learn on behalf of some/all?
Ah yeah! We weren't actually in a real band but all of us did play instruments and jam together a lot. That photo was of us at a kids birthday party just pretending to be the ska band "The Aquabats" for the kids haha.

I used to play violin, I know Trenton is good at violin and piano.

As for the others, Stuart can play guitar and that's as much as I know.

If any of us try to play an instrument we do have to learn from scratch, regardless of another alters music ability.

And some of my alters just cannot play. Uncoordinated.
 

Trenton

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@llleopard

I have one clip of me playing an instrument which was sneakily recorded by my boyfriend a couple years ago.

Trenton playing "Room of Angel" by Akira Yamaoka, on an out of tune old piano we once had.

 

Maes17

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Okay so here's the tricky part. I'll break it up into two explanations to make it easier.

For the most part, I stay at home 90% of the time. Half the time I'm diurnal, half the time I'm nocturnal. My body is haywaire so I just take sleep when I can get it.

When I do leave my house, it's for 1 of 3 things.

Groceries/clothing

Family functions like 4th July, Thanksgiving, Christmas.

Or a short hike, with or without friends.
(I don't have many friends and I see them maybe once or twice a year if at all)

If say, Charlie goes grocery shopping at Walmart or something... If I'm myself (Tom) I will probably remember "I went to Walmart and bought food".

I may or may not know who went shopping, but I will not know anything Charlie said or bought. But I'll usually know where I went.

There's circumstances (especially when I was younger) where I've lost entire memories.

Not just memories from my childhood, bit as a teenager when things were relatively safe and stress free for me.

I've lost over a month of time. I've never been able to recover the memory of that time, to the point where I'm not sure if I'm being told the truth about it.

When I was 17 I guess I completely shaved my head bald. It would take a while to grow all the hair back, and I seriously do not remember this whatsoever.

If I say "Hey I really like neopolitan ice cream" I may a week or month or whenever later, say "God neopolitan ice cream is terrible who would eat that?"

And I usually get people mad at me about "lying about my preferences" or being "flip floppy".

Or I will get in trouble for not remembering doctors appointments I've made or making promises to people and other stuff.

My memory is really terrible.

I often re read posts I've made on this forum over and over and over because "whoever is out" will not know what someone else posted.
Whoa! That's amazing!
I cannot respond. Hard to imagine switching through all these egos. But the human brain is such a complex organ.

Very interesting
 

TruthSucker

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@TruthSucker
View attachment 2299
I'm not making fun of anyone I'm sharing my life story to educate people on DID.
Toilet selfie
I apologize. Internet and trolling, u know?

So then here's my question: are we talking to the same person anytime? I mean, is it you logging in always, or is it another you who knows your username and password as well?
How do you manage all those log-ins and stuff, passwords, whatever?
What about bank accounts? What about contracts?
You are not working, right? The job at the liquor store was the only one?

I'm sorry if this questions were already answered. I didn't read the whole thread, but I will.
Damn that must be really tough.
 

Trenton

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I apologize. Internet and trolling, u know?

So then here's my question: are we talking to the same person anytime? I mean, is it you logging in always, or is it another you who knows your username and password as well?
How do you manage all those log-ins and stuff, passwords, whatever?
What about bank accounts? What about contracts?
You are not working, right? The job at the liquor store was the only one?

I'm sorry if this questions were already answered. I didn't read the whole thread, but I will.
Damn that must be really tough.
On the forums my profile is always logged in on my phones/tablets and pc.

I try to use the same or similar password for most things online.

I did run into trouble before when a stranger online managed to get into my PayPal and bought hundreds of dollars worth of video games off eBay. But PayPal reimbursed me and I changed my password to something near impossible to type lol.

It's incredibly frustrating not knowing what email I've used to sign up for shit, so I spend a few minutes every once in a while logging into many emails and sending verification codes all over the place just to log into "Minecraft" for instance.

As for the forums, whoever is out, is whoever posts. Typically if I'm not on the form much for a month or whatever it's probably because my alter doesn't even know about this place tbh.

It's also why sometimes I'm oblivious to sacrasm or too stiff and nerdy about my posting.

And also why sometimes I become a shit poster.

I don't think I've ever signed a contract. So IDK.

And no I've never worked before or since the liquor store. So. IDK.

I get shit done the same way other people do, I just probably won't remember having done any of it.

As for VC I don't use any sock accounts, since it's against the forum rules, and it would make it hard for me to keep track of my thoughts and ideas. But on Facebook or DeviantART, neopets, etc I use however many accounts I want.
 
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Trenton

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This is an area I know little about except for what this Christian website says. http://www.net-burst.net/counselor-therapist/dissociative-resources.htm

I would be interested in your opinion of it, how accurate is in its descriptions of DID, if you believe it describes your experiences and so on.
I've perused the site a little bit so far and I don't see anything that sounds inaccurate.

Whoever put this information together did a great job actually.

A few things I read resonated with me.

As for spiritual healing that's probably the most daunting thought about the whole page.

A lot of people with DID (myself included) not only went through SRA, but also fell victim to Christian abuse.

In fact more often than not it seems a lot of people with DID have been traumatized by "bad Christians" and will hold an irrational fear of anything relating to Jesus.

For me, I don't fear God. I bet a few of my alters completely deny that there is a God, but I know I believe in one. And some of my alters are born-again Christians.

While others vehemently abhor Christ.

It causes me a lot of pain and confusion to work through this stuff. In fact just typing about this now is leaving a sour feeling in my stomach, nervousness, and anxiety.

It's really difficult to minister to people like me. And I do wonder what salvation looks like for someone like me as well.

If God is truly merciful though, I trust him to help me when I die.
 

llleopard

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@llleopard

I have one clip of me playing an instrument which was sneakily recorded by my boyfriend a couple years ago.

Trenton playing "Room of Angel" by Akira Yamaoka, on an out of tune old piano we once had.

Cool! Actually that piano is so out of tune it counts as audio abuse all by itself!
 

Trenton

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Cool! Actually that piano is so out of tune it counts as audio abuse all by itself!
Right lmao?
We gave the piano away because it only cost us 100$ in the first place and it would have cost too much to get it turned professionally and cleaned. It was built in like 1915 so it was left unloved for a long time.
 

JoChris

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I've perused the site a little bit so far and I don't see anything that sounds inaccurate.

Whoever put this information together did a great job actually.

A few things I read resonated with me.

As for spiritual healing that's probably the most daunting thought about the whole page.

A lot of people with DID (myself included) not only went through SRA, but also fell victim to Christian abuse.

In fact more often than not it seems a lot of people with DID have been traumatized by "bad Christians" and will hold an irrational fear of anything relating to Jesus.

For me, I don't fear God. I bet a few of my alters completely deny that there is a God, but I know I believe in one. And some of my alters are born-again Christians.

While others vehemently abhor Christ.

It causes me a lot of pain and confusion to work through this stuff. In fact just typing about this now is leaving a sour feeling in my stomach, nervousness, and anxiety.

It's really difficult to minister to people like me. And I do wonder what salvation looks like for someone like me as well.

If God is truly merciful though, I trust him to help me when I die.
For me personally, I found the website very helpful for dealing with depression and childhood emotional abuse.
I also found it helpful in understanding some female acquaintances who were survivors of sexual abuse too.

I have no idea what you experience of course. It does sound to me like it is an extreme (but effective) coping mechanism to deal with memories currently too painful to deal with for whatever reason. It is very sad to read that your overall life is so badly affected by it all.

How have Christians you have met offline dealt with your descriptions of what you experience?
 
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