How to approach someone?

llleopard

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#1
There is a man in our church who is consistently rude to both rhino and me. If either of us say hello, he turns away and blanks us. If I ask him a question after he preaches, he won't answer. When I preached yesterday, he was eye rolling and giving very negative body language. Etc
He does talk to others in the church, runs a home group, and has a job with people, so I know he's able to be sociable. I have no idea what the problem is, and it's bewildering. I want to ask whether we have offended him somehow and if it can be put right. Or if there is something about us that puts him right off (like being re-married or something) I know rhino thinks the situation is ridiculous, and would rather just let the guy stew and get over whatever is, but I would like to clear the air if possible. Any suggestions on a correct way to approach the situation? If rhino doesn't want to, I may need to just let it lie anyhow!
 





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#2
He sounds nice (!) Is he only like this with you guys?

I think if you ask what his issue is with you guys, he'll perceive it as confrontational and you'll possibly push him further.

At my mosque we usually have barbeques or dinners and other social activities. Maybe if you organise a mingling function for the church goers and spend some time getting to know him better? Maybe ask him how long he has been attending your church or maybe how long he's been a Christian? Drum up some small talk and If he still seems stand offish, maybe that's just his personality, kill him with kindness =)
 





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#3
There is a man in our church who is consistently rude to both rhino and me. If either of us say hello, he turns away and blanks us. If I ask him a question after he preaches, he won't answer. When I preached yesterday, he was eye rolling and giving very negative body language. Etc
He does talk to others in the church, runs a home group, and has a job with people, so I know he's able to be sociable. I have no idea what the problem is, and it's bewildering. I want to ask whether we have offended him somehow and if it can be put right. Or if there is something about us that puts him right off (like being re-married or something) I know rhino thinks the situation is ridiculous, and would rather just let the guy stew and get over whatever is, but I would like to clear the air if possible. Any suggestions on a correct way to approach the situation? If rhino doesn't want to, I may need to just let it lie anyhow!
Out of all of this I just want to know who Rhino is?
 





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#4
I had a similar experience at work with a guy who clearly took offence to my presence. At first I was bothered and would return a few cold stares and sneers, but eventually I realised he was clearly struggling with some inadequacies and projecting his troubles on to me.

Personally, I think he envied my headscarf collection. *Snaps fingers*
 





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#6
I believe he is against female to be preaching in church, that’s probably why he’s rolling his eyes and body language.
 





llleopard

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#9
Hmm. You are probably right about being confrontational. Just because I like things direct and out in the open doesn't mean everyone does. Maybe he really is just insecure or mega traditional. I shall be extra nice. *shudders*
 





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#10
Nope, his nickname is Rhino! He is tough as armour on the outside, squishy as a marshmallow on the inside. We are known as leopard and rhino. Weird but true.
Okay, got you. I thought you were with someone who thought they were a rhino and thus respected them enough to actually call them by their animal name. Weird but this shit is real. People nowadays think they should have been born as a tree or a giraffe.
 





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#12
@llleopard, if he's openly rude to you, ask him directly what his problem is. That's how I would handle it. He's ignoring the Bible if he has something against you and isn't being honest about it.
 





llleopard

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#13
@llleopard, if he's openly rude to you, ask him directly what his problem is. That's how I would handle it. He's ignoring the Bible if he has something against you and isn't being honest about it.
Do you think biblically, I should do it myself, or ask my husband to do it? Cos he is equally dismissive to both of us? Or together, but that might look like ganging up on him?
 





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#14
There is a man in our church who is consistently rude to both rhino and me. If either of us say hello, he turns away and blanks us. If I ask him a question after he preaches, he won't answer. When I preached yesterday, he was eye rolling and giving very negative body language. Etc
He does talk to others in the church, runs a home group, and has a job with people, so I know he's able to be sociable. I have no idea what the problem is, and it's bewildering. I want to ask whether we have offended him somehow and if it can be put right. Or if there is something about us that puts him right off (like being re-married or something) I know rhino thinks the situation is ridiculous, and would rather just let the guy stew and get over whatever is, but I would like to clear the air if possible. Any suggestions on a correct way to approach the situation? If rhino doesn't want to, I may need to just let it lie anyhow!

Wow. Bullying by exclusion - teenager style.

Love conquers all. This man is a blessing in dusguise. Through him, God wants to teach you forgiveness and unconditional love. Maybe you have issues in this area?

Try and think what is currently going on where you somehow don't show the recognition or appreciation to somebody. Could be within your family, church, work, whatever. Try and change it.

Also, it's so important to address the issue with this man at church via God. Pray daily to God with requests to bring this situation to peace eventually. Spiritual practice is above physical. Maybe it's another reason God is sending you a message. Through that man. "Dear daughter! You need to talk to me more! Your Father God"
 





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#15
There is a man in our church who is consistently rude to both rhino and me. If either of us say hello, he turns away and blanks us. If I ask him a question after he preaches, he won't answer. When I preached yesterday, he was eye rolling and giving very negative body language. Etc
He does talk to others in the church, runs a home group, and has a job with people, so I know he's able to be sociable. I have no idea what the problem is, and it's bewildering. I want to ask whether we have offended him somehow and if it can be put right. Or if there is something about us that puts him right off (like being re-married or something) I know rhino thinks the situation is ridiculous, and would rather just let the guy stew and get over whatever is, but I would like to clear the air if possible. Any suggestions on a correct way to approach the situation? If rhino doesn't want to, I may need to just let it lie anyhow!
lean over and be upfront about it and say sir am i offending you? if so tell me im open for anything like corection or helpful careing encouragement from you my brother and if he dosent want that question just pray for him
 





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#17
Do you think biblically, I should do it myself, or ask my husband to do it? Cos he is equally dismissive to both of us? Or together, but that might look like ganging up on him?
If this was me and my wife, I would deal with him on my own. In any situation that could escalate, it's always important that the family speaks with one voice. My wife wouldn't need to concern herself. I'm the head of the family, and protection and security is my job.

If I approached the guy and things didn't get better, I would go to the pastor with my wife -- as a witness -- and let him know what was going on.
 





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#19
my opinion: continue to be nice and cordial to him. at some point, he will either break down, reconsider being rude to you, and become nice or he will blurt out what his problem is.
 





llleopard

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#20
Lots of good advice here, thanks guys. I will think and pray.... and nothing's gonna happen for a while anyhow cos we're going on holiday for two weeks. Where we will take unconventional pics and suntan our tattoos ha ha!