Getting divorced as a Christian

[AlcyoneSong]

All Christian have the Holy Spirit that guides them...why would she need a human then?

Prayer is inviting God into your situation and asking Him for help..that’s not inconsequential

Spoiler

Philippians 4:6-7

Spoiler

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

The peace that passes understanding is pretty powerful.

I don't know because the Holy Spirit may not be aware of all the legislation and red tape involved in this. Listen, you were the same person who I had show evidence of children and young people being forced to get married in the US. Maybe, just maybe, there could be actual Christian therapists who do have the Holy Spirit, and a degree, and know the system to help her with the steps to not only become whole spiritually but also protected and enabled to move on from this trauma into a new life. They can give her tools to help her navigate the manipulations of her ex, and also guidance when it comes to court matters.

 

[Lisa]

I don't know because the Holy Spirit may not be aware of all the legislation and red tape involved in this. Listen, you were the same person who I had show evidence of children and young people being forced to get married in the US. Maybe, just maybe, there could be actual Christian therapists who do have the Holy Spirit, and a degree, and know the system to help her with the steps to not only become whole spiritually but also protected and enabled to move on from this trauma into a new life. They can give her tools to help her navigate the manipulations of her ex, and also guidance when it comes to court matters.

The problem is we aren’t to trust in man..but in God to help us. That’s who we have put our faith in initially to become saved...and we are to continue on in trust and faith in God...not people. That’s the problem with Christian counseling..you start trusting them and not God thinking that they know God more than you do..when all counselors are counselors because they are trying to figure out their own lives.

How many did I seek out when they let their selves show tell you that they sought out counseling to figure out their own lives and are still trying to figure it out. One counselor had her own counselor that she saw and would give that advice...I mean really! I don’t think she was a Christian counselor..but I’ve seen them too that they would tell me they were still trying to figure out their own problems while ’helping’ with mine. My help finally came from not taking their advice..but trusting in God and what He told me to do...that’s where a Christian‘s real help comes from.

 

[justjess]

If you are getting hit and the person who is hitting you is smoking meth, get out. Unless you are a sadomasochistic meth head yourself. Otherwise there is no reason to tolerate that in your life.

God doesn’t approve of being martyred for romance.

 

[Hon33]

The problem is we aren’t to trust in man..but in God to help us. That’s who we have put our faith in initially to become saved...and we are to continue on in trust and faith in God...not people. That’s the problem with Christian counseling..you start trusting them and not God thinking that they know God more than you do..when all counselors are counselors because they are trying to figure out their own lives.

How many did I seek out when they let their selves show tell you that they sought out counseling to figure out their own lives and are still trying to figure it out. One counselor had her own counselor that she saw and would give that advice...I mean really! I don’t think she was a Christian counselor..but I’ve seen them too that they would tell me they were still trying to figure out their own problems while ’helping’ with mine. My help finally came from not taking their advice..but trusting in God and what He told me to do...that’s where a Christian‘s real help comes from.

So just because someone is seeking support with their own problems, they can’t help you with yours?

 

[AlcyoneSong]

The problem is we aren’t to trust in man..but in God to help us. That’s who we have put our faith in initially to become saved...and we are to continue on in trust and faith in God...not people. That’s the problem with Christian counseling..you start trusting them and not God thinking that they know God more than you do..when all counselors are counselors because they are trying to figure out their own lives.

How many did I seek out when they let their selves show tell you that they sought out counseling to figure out their own lives and are still trying to figure it out. One counselor had her own counselor that she saw and would give that advice...I mean really! I don’t think she was a Christian counselor..but I’ve seen them too that they would tell me they were still trying to figure out their own problems while ’helping’ with mine. My help finally came from not taking their advice..but trusting in God and what He told me to do...that’s where a Christian‘s real help comes from.

Ok, circular logic, I kinda see your point however you can't just sit and expect God to deliver an answer. When literally there is the internet and FREE help available by trained professionals to guide and direct. Of course a Christian should also pray and seek God's help, but just like the man who was in a hurricane and died, he asked "God why didn't you save me.." God replied, "I sent you a boat, a helicopter, and the Coast Guard... "

You are assuming the person taking the counseling will trust the counsellor and that is basically putting your bad experience onto theirs which is unique to them. Kinda like how your experience is unique to you. It's not about knowing God more than the other person, its about accepting that they can provide answers and help faster and with more experience to back it than you have.

Do you do your own dental work, or do you see a dentist when you have a cavity? The same applies here, and mores she has the ability to test what the counsellor says against the word of God, and to pray about what is said. This isn't taking away God's authority at all, it is simply working together to achieve a common goal. That is to heal, recover, and move on from the trauma in order to step out into a new life.

I mean, isn't that what we want? Jesus didn't heal the demonic possessed man just for the man to sit there idly... He told him to go home. When people saw him, they were astounded by the change in him, and the man testified that it was because of Jesus.

 

[Lisa]

So just because someone is seeking support with their own problems, they can’t help you with yours?

They probably shouldn’t be the ones giving the advice on problems they haven’t solved in their own lives..that they are trying to give you advice on the same problems you are having is all I’m saying.

 

[AlcyoneSong]

They probably shouldn’t be the ones giving the advice on problems they haven’t solved in their own lives..that they are trying to give you advice on the same problems you are having is all I’m saying.

Or maybe hindsight is 20/20?

Maybe it’s up to the person looking for therapy to make sure they do their due diligence and get a qualified professional to take their case? “I heard you got your degree in Law from Columbia? Yeah, but now that I’m in this country I have to get a degree in law here...” see my point?
Don’t assume that all therapy is bad because you had a bad experience. True there are some shady counselors, but there are also some amazing ones too.

 

[Lisa]

Ok, circular logic, I kinda see your point however you can't just sit and expect God to deliver an answer. When literally there is the internet and FREE help available by trained professionals to guide and direct. Of course a Christian should also pray and seek God's help, but just like the man who was in a hurricane and died, he asked "God why didn't you save me.." God replied, "I sent you a boat, a helicopter, and the Coast Guard... "

You are assuming the person taking the counseling will trust the counsellor and that is basically putting your bad experience onto theirs which is unique to them. Kinda like how your experience is unique to you. It's not about knowing God more than the other person, its about accepting that they can provide answers and help faster and with more experience to back it than you have.

Do you do your own dental work, or do you see a dentist when you have a cavity? The same applies here, and mores she has the ability to test what the counsellor says against the word of God, and to pray about what is said. This isn't taking away God's authority at all, it is simply working together to achieve a common goal. That is to heal, recover, and move on from the trauma in order to step out into a new life.

I mean, isn't that what we want? Jesus didn't heal the demonic possessed man just for the man to sit there idly... He told him to go home. When people saw him, they were astounded by the change in him, and the man testified that it was because of Jesus.

It has been my experience that no one has helped me but God..and I suppose He can put people in your life to lean on..I was in church once when my marriage was off the charts bad and I was sitting with a woman who was going through her own problems..but I will never forget she looked at me and said “It will be ok.” I thought she was talking about herself but she said ”No, I was talking to you, it will be ok.” And you know it was. Not because she said it..but I think because God knew at that moment I really needed that encouragement. And I think that God uses people in those kinds of situations..but I am leery of the Christian shrink approach. Isn’t that what the church is for...encouragement when we need it? Telling our own stories of how God came through for us?

I had this neighbor..when I was going through my problems with my husband she was also going through her own problems with hers. I decided to trust God and she went to a Christian counselor. I stayed with my husband and she divorced hers. I believe that God could have and would have helped her with her problems with her husband..but she ran to someone other than God and they came up with the divorce solution while God came up with the forgive and reconcile solution for me. I think that could have worked for her too. I also remember her telling me a couple of years later that she was ready for a boyfriend and I felt God say “I already gave you a husband.” She was going to move onto another guy, with her same baggage.

I think there is healing and recovery and a lot of times there is forgiveness and reconciliation...there can be new life in that too. Idk what is in store for this woman..but I would strongly encourage her to take it to God in prayer and ask for His help...things turn out better that way. As Christians we should always look to God for our solutions.

 

[justjess]

Being cheated on is a whole lot different then getting your ass kicked by a meth addict who is bankrupting you. The battered wife isn’t the one who needs to seek god in that situation

 

[AlcyoneSong]

It has been my experience that no one has helped me but God..and I suppose He can put people in your life to lean on..I was in church once when my marriage was off the charts bad and I was sitting with a woman who was going through her own problems..but I will never forget she looked at me and said “It will be ok.” I thought she was talking about herself but she said ”No, I was talking to you, it will be ok.” And you know it was. Not because she said it..but I think because God knew at that moment I really needed that encouragement. And I think that God uses people in those kinds of situations..but I am leery of the Christian shrink approach. Isn’t that what the church is for...encouragement when we need it? Telling our own stories of how God came through for us?

I had this neighbor..when I was going through my problems with my husband she was also going through her own problems with hers. I decided to trust God and she went to a Christian counselor. I stayed with my husband and she divorced hers. I believe that God could have and would have helped her with her problems with her husband..but she ran to someone other than God and they came up with the divorce solution while God came up with the forgive and reconcile solution for me. I think that could have worked for her too. I also remember her telling me a couple of years later that she was ready for a boyfriend and I felt God say “I already gave you a husband.” She was going to move onto another guy, with her same baggage.

I think there is healing and recovery and a lot of times there is forgiveness and reconciliation...there can be new life in that too. Idk what is in store for this woman..but I would strongly encourage her to take it to God in prayer and ask for His help...things turn out better that way. As Christians we should always look to God for our solutions.

The thing is there are some problems where divorce is justified and the use of drugs and physical abuse is one of them. Also adultry. Literally you can divorce someone with Gods blessing if they cheat on you. It’s in Deuteronomy. This person is in her right to divorce her husband and she does need real therapy and help through the legal mess that will follow.

 

[Lisa]

Or maybe hindsight is 20/20?

Maybe it’s up to the person looking for therapy to make sure they do their due diligence and get a qualified professional to take their case? “I heard you got your degree in Law from Columbia? Yeah, but now that I’m in this country I have to get a degree in law here...” see my point?
Don’t assume that all therapy is bad because you had a bad experience. True there are some shady counselors, but there are also some amazing ones too.

I had more than one counselor in my life though...the lady who was giving me her counselors advice..I thought maybe I should go see that lady..lol!
I went to see this lady about a particular problem in my life..that was her specialty..when one time in our session she confided to me that she didn’t really know how things would work out since she was still trying to figure it out in her own life too. I pretty much stopped seeing her then.

A friend of mine told me her daughter was taking classes because she wanted to be able to understand the things that had happened to her. Not that she was going to become a counselor..but she wanted to understand. I think that many people go that route for understanding. I also think that its unfortunate that Christians brought this in as another way to help each other..because its humanistic thinking and it doesn’t go with Christian faith.

 

[Lisa]

The battered wife isn’t the one who needs to seek god in that situation

Why not? The Christian wife should...

 

[Lisa]

The thing is there are some problems where divorce is justified and the use of drugs and physical abuse is one of them. Also adultry. Literally you can divorce someone with Gods blessing if they cheat on you. It’s in Deuteronomy. This person is in her right to divorce her husband and she does need real therapy and help through the legal mess that will follow.

My husband cheated on me...but God’s way was forgiveness and reconciliation...so that’s not true.

I think she should take it to God in prayer now..and find out what He would have her do..that’s the best advice.

 

[AlcyoneSong]

Being cheated on is a whole lot different then getting your ass kicked by a meth addict who is bankrupting you. The battered wife isn’t the one who needs to seek god in that situation

Yeah how many times have I read in victim testimony about how they wanted to know why their parent stayed with the person who they knew was abusing them. So in some cases removing yourself is the only option and a professional therapist along with a close circle of supportive friends can work to heal the damage and help a person move on. Once a person is away from the harm then they can work on the process of forgiveness.

 

[AlcyoneSong]

Why not? The Christian wife should...

The heck? You got some massive denial going on here, I’m worried about you. If she doesn’t leave she will be broke and worse evening news. Another statistic.

 

[Lisa]

The heck? You got some massive denial going on here, I’m worried about you. If she doesn’t leave she will be broke and worse evening news. Another statistic.

Possibly...or God will help guide her in what she needs to do. How long do you think it takes to pray?

 

[AlcyoneSong]

My husband cheated on me...but God’s way was forgiveness and reconciliation...so that’s not true.

I think she should take it to God in prayer now..and find out what He would have her do..that’s the best advice.

Cheating is not abuse... okay? Did he beat you with his fists? Did he torture you? Steal your money, was he addicted and loved the drugs more than you? The two are not comparable. One is literally illegal in both a spiritual and physical place. Another is a moral issue and you are within your rights to divorce him for cheating. You chose to stay with him, so it’s your choice.

 

[Lisa]

Cheating is not abuse... okay? Did he beat you with his fists? Did he torture you? Steal your money, was he addicted and loved the drugs more than you? The two are not comparable. One is literally illegal in both a spiritual and physical place. Another is a moral issue.

I didn’t say it was ok..just said she should pray about what she should do with God..I don’t understand how that’s a wrong thing to do, honestly.

 

[justjess]

Why not? The Christian wife should...

Because if your answer to “seek god” means that in any way you are unsupportive of a woman leaving a violent situation where her well being and possibly her life are at risk then your god can go fuck himself. GOD wouldn’t want that for anyone. And I’ve seen the church guilt women into staying in these situations more times then I can count.

get out. “Seek god”once you are safe and if he decides to be a man worthy of a relationship down the line ask god for his advice then.

also, consult with a DV agency to make sure you don’t get murdered on your way out the door.

 

[justjess]

I had more than one counselor in my life though...the lady who was giving me her counselors advice..I thought maybe I should go see that lady..lol!
I went to see this lady about a particular problem in my life..that was her specialty..when one time in our session she confided to me that she didn’t really know how things would work out since she was still trying to figure it out in her own life too. I pretty much stopped seeing her then.

A friend of mine told me her daughter was taking classes because she wanted to be able to understand the things that had happened to her. Not that she was going to become a counselor..but she wanted to understand. I think that many people go that route for understanding. I also think that its unfortunate that Christians brought this in as another way to help each other..because its humanistic thinking and it doesn’t go with Christian faith.

You don’t understand what therapy is. They aren’t going to solve your problem nor do they have a crystal ball. They are there to be an objective ear to help you process your own thoughts and emotions and come up with your own plan with guidance when needed and appropriate.