developing confidence/self-esteem

[mercure_in_retrograde]

Do you think that confidence is innate or do you think that's something that people develop over time?

 

[Tidal]

My dad used to verbally bully me all through my childhood, I think it's because he blamed me for making him and my mam have a shotgun wedding; he'd probably wanted me to be aborted.
Also, he liked to think he was the brains of the family, so when I showed signs of being a bright kid he redoubled his verbal bullying to try to take the wind out of my sails and make me feel worthless.
As a result I grew up timid and lacking self-confidence, but the turning point came in my early teens when I realised he was just a lousy father who was full of krap, and from that moment my confidence began healing itself.
Also in my teens I became more and more attracted to Christianity, and to cut a long story short, I became the strongest person I know..

It's as if by 'logging onto' Jesus, his and God's awesome power begins downloading into us-
"Our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power"- (1 Thess 1:5)

 

[Maes17]

Do you think that confidence is innate or do you think that's something that people develop over time? Has anyone ever had confidence or self-esteem issues and if so, how were you able to overcome it?

I think it’s developed. I also think it depends how mentally strong you are. How you handle pressure, not making impulsive reactions based on emotion, understanding the situation etc. To me, that’s how confidence is made.


@Tidal sorry to hear about the pops buddy. I think you grew up a cool fellow though.

 

[Kung Fu]

My dad used to verbally bully me all through my childhood, I think it's because he blamed me for making him and my mam have a shotgun wedding; he'd probably wanted me to be aborted.
Also, he liked to think he was the brains of the family, so when I showed signs of being a bright kid he redoubled his verbal bullying to try to take the wind out of my sails and make me feel worthless.
As a result I grew up timid and lacking self-confidence, but the turning point came in my early teens when I realised he was just a lousy father who was full of krap, and from that moment my confidence began healing itself.
Also in my teens I became more and more attracted to Christianity, and to cut a long story short, I became the strongest person I know..

It's as if by 'logging onto' Jesus, his and God's awesome power begins downloading into us-
"Our gospel came to you not simply with words but also with power"- (1 Thess 1:5)

Sorry to hear that man. Glad you're doing better.

 

[polymoog]

Do you think that confidence is innate or do you think that's something that people develop over time? Has anyone ever had confidence or self-esteem issues and if so, how were you able to overcome it?

most need to develop it, but a handful already have it.
to make a long post short, find out what the issue is behind your confidence failure and squash it. most often, it is a "what will so-and-so think of me if i do xyz?" you can translate this to, "their opinion is far greater than my own." you will need to answer whether that is true or not for yourself.

 

[Maes17]

most need to develop it, but a handful already have it.
to make a long post short, find out what the issue is behind your confidence failure and squash it. most often, it is a "what will so-and-so think of me if i do xyz?" you can translate this to, "their opinion is far greater than my own." you will need to answer whether that is true or not for yourself.

There’s a point in life where you need to stop seeking validation from others.
One of my best friends from college always second guesses himself and is afraid to take initiative based on what his colleagues think.

It sucks to say, but to find ones true self. Sometimes bridges have to be burned. Not out of disrespect but out of the looming possibility that morals/beliefs may vastly differ.

At least here, we think critically enough to acknowledge our disagreement and not feel hurt about it. Well that’s my approach anyways.

That explains why I’m generally easy going. My sarcasm is hard to show on a message board. But when I make smart ass remarks. Just know I’m being sarcastic. As a result. Confidence. Confidence in myself and confidence in society to possibly return to semi normal

 

[morita]

I think it comes down to the way you talk to yourself. If you're constantly thinking negative thoughts about yourself, you start manifesting them in your everyday life. The opposite is also true. You have to be aware of your inner dialogue.

 

[Aero]

Seems difficult to be naturally confident in the modern age of gaslighting. All I can say is, don't worry about what people think of you.

 

[Maes17]

Seems difficult to be naturally confident in the modern age of gaslighting. All I can say is, don't worry about what people think of you.

Idk. Some people are easily manipulated.
Whether it’s gas lighting or some subconscious void. Some people stick around stuff that hurts them everytime. Like stockholm syndrome. I could imagine the lack of esteem/confidence.

 

[mercure_in_retrograde]

Seems difficult to be naturally confident in the modern age of gaslighting. All I can say is, don't worry about what people think of you.

how do you define gaslighting?

 

[Aero]

how do you define gaslighting?

An intent to make a person doubt themselves. Usually involving lying about a problem the gaslighter created.

 

[free2018]

Do you think that confidence is innate or do you think that's something that people develop over time? Has anyone ever had confidence or self-esteem issues and if so, how were you able to overcome it?

Mirror work and affirmations help.
I think exercise is pretty important.

 

[Tidal]

Topic title- developing confidence/self-esteem
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Sadly, kids have always had it drummed into them by parents, teachers and society in general that they must "make something of themselves in life" and "be a success" and "get on in the world" blah blah, (we've all been through it) so no wonder a lot of them grow up worrying about whether they're "making the grade".
Fortunately I was always a tough little sonofagun and when I got into my teens I decided to reject all that materialistic claptrap and have been happy ever since..
Of course, many people are hesitant about rejecting it, so my advice to them is STOP BEING MISTER NICE GUYS AND GALS!
Look around at the world and realise what a failed incompetent mess it is, so don't for an instant worry about "fitting in" to it..
At one extreme, monks shut themselves in monasteries well away from the mess, but we don't have to go to that extreme, instead we can simply refuse to dance to the world's tune and treat the world as a joke which shouldn't be taken seriously..
Jesus said:- "The world wants you to dance to its tune" (Matt 11:16/17)
So just sit out the dance..

 

[Tidal]

I think it comes down to the way you talk to yourself. If you're constantly thinking negative thoughts about yourself, you start manifesting them in your everyday life. The opposite is also true. You have to be aware of your inner dialogue.

Incidentally one neat little trick I learnt years ago is to NEVER look glum in the mirror, or else the negative vibes will reflect back at you.
Instead, put on a smile or a funny face and the good vibes will reflect back at you..

 

[Tidal]

Another little trick- AVOID the sort of people who radiate negative vibes that make you feel drained and weak, just as kryptonite weakens Superman.
"He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm" (Bible: Proverbs 13:20)
"If you hang around with losers you become a loser"- Donald Trump

Instead, only hang with people who make you feel good-
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another" (Bible: Proverbs 7:17)

(PS- I cross the street to avoid losers, heck I even avoid some members of my own family, we have to be tough)

 

[Maes17]

Topic title- developing confidence/self-esteem
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sadly, kids have always had it drummed into them by parents, teachers and society in general that they must "make something of themselves in life" and "be a success" and "get on in the world" blah blah, (we've all been through it) so no wonder a lot of them grow up worrying about whether they're "making the grade".
Fortunately I was always a tough little sonofagun and when I got into my teens I decided to reject all that materialistic claptrap and have been happy ever since..
Of course, many people are hesitant about rejecting it, so my advice to them is STOP BEING MISTER NICE GUYS AND GALS!
Look around at the world and realise what a failed incompetent mess it is, so don't for an instant worry about "fitting in" to it..
At one extreme, monks shut themselves in monasteries well away from the mess, but we don't have to go to that extreme, instead we can simply refuse to dance to the world's tune and treat the world as a joke which shouldn't be taken seriously..
Jesus said:- "The world wants you to dance to its tune" (Matt 11:16/17)
So just sit out the dance..

I encourage kids to find their passion. If materialistic is what drives them to be better then aim for it.

If living simple is their vibe. By all means go for it. Just be in a financially stable situation so you don’t have to worry about surviving paycheck to paycheck as.