Dating and Marriage 2020?

Tidal

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I suppose it depends who's the main breadwinner in the family, for example if the bloke goes out to work every day and the wife stays home doing her job of looking after the home and kids, a joint account might be the best idea so she can draw out cash (all put in by him) to buy food and clothes and stuff for the family, and no decent husband would begrudge her doing that.
After all if they had separate accounts hers would be empty all the time.
PS- I never married or had kids so what the hell do i know?.. :D

PS again- but I must admit that being a single man living alone does sometimes make me wish I had a female companion so that we could do all the exciting things men and women do together, like scrabble, monopoly, risk etc (sniffle)
 






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Hon33

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I think you may have hit on the right word there Kerri..independence.

I thought it was more that couples split up when they can’t find things to do together?





I don’t think about it until you reply..so I’m not obsessed with you having your own account. I just think it show a lack of trust. If you never fight about money why would you if you merged accounts? But you’re both polite enough to let each other in on those accounts, but not merge? Seems distrustful. As for having your name on other financials that could be because of things did go wrong...your name is on half?
Okay, Lisa. Of course, you are right. You know my marriage better than I do. You know my circumstances better than my husband or I do.

I don’t know how mortgages work where you live, but here in the U.K., your borrowing power is based on your income - your joint income. It really is as simple as, we both had to be named on the mortgage because if we weren’t, we wouldn’t have been able to borrow the full amount of money we needed. We both had to be on the life assurance, term assurance, property insurance etc because the mortgage was in both our names.
I’ve already explained that we wanted our own bank accounts for independence. However, I have already explained as well, that because of the way banking worked at that time in Northern Ireland - I used a local bank and he used a national bank - it was more convenient not to change. I am not going to waste my time explaining all that to you because without knowing the different banking systems here in the early 1990s, you’re not going to understand why it was more convenient.
You’re talking about something you have limited knowledge of and you’re making yourself look very silly.
 






Lisa

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Distrustful is having to have a joint account because you don't trust your partner enough to allow them a separate one. Why do you need to have a joint account? Do you not trust your partner to be independent
Why get married if you just want a separate account? Stay single and control your own money. When you get married..you join everything together, because why not? That’s the real trust right there..do you trust your partner that much that you would join your finances as well? I think nowadays...the women makes sure she has an out with her own account..just in case. That’s not trust...that’s plan b if you ask me.
 






Lisa

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Okay, Lisa. Of course, you are right. You know my marriage better than I do. You know my circumstances better than my husband or I do.

I don’t know how mortgages work where you live, but here in the U.K., your borrowing power is based on your income - your joint income. It really is as simple as, we both had to be named on the mortgage because if we weren’t, we wouldn’t have been able to borrow the full amount of money we needed. We both had to be on the life assurance, term assurance, property insurance etc because the mortgage was in both our names.
I’ve already explained that we wanted our own bank accounts for independence. However, I have already explained as well, that because of the way banking worked at that time in Northern Ireland - I used a local bank and he used a national bank - it was more convenient not to change. I am not going to waste my time explaining all that to you because without knowing the different banking systems here in the early 1990s, you’re not going to understand why it was more convenient.
You’re talking about something you have limited knowledge of and you’re making yourself look very silly.
I didn’t say I know anything better than you..however, it seems distrustful to me not to combine your finances into one account.
 






Hon33

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I didn’t say I know anything better than you..however, it seems distrustful to me not to combine your finances into one account.
The key part of that statement is, “to me”. It doesn’t seem distrustful to either of us. It doesn’t really matter how it seems to you.
 






Lisa

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The key part of that statement is, “to me”. It doesn’t seem distrustful to either of us. It doesn’t really matter how it seems to you.
Sure..it was only my opinion.
 






Lurker

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nobody likes you.
I would venture to guess that very few like you. I'll pick @Lisa over you. But more on the recent topic, my wife and I have a joint account and two separate accounts. Plus cash and coin in the safe. Diversify.
 






MP3D

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I would venture to guess that very few like you. I'll pick @Lisa over you. But more on the recent topic, my wife and I have a joint account and two separate accounts. Plus cash and coin in the safe. Diversify.

you're guesses are always great!

4 separate accounts are not diversifying. good for you for your coin and cash though.
 






Lurker

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you're guesses are always great!

4 separate accounts are not diversifying. good for you for your coin and cash though.
I was speaking more to cash holdings and separate accounts, but yeah, more diversity is better. Right now I think the TP is most valuable. Plus the food and the seeds.
 






Lisa

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I would venture to guess that very few like you. I'll pick @Lisa over you. But more on the recent topic, my wife and I have a joint account and two separate accounts. Plus cash and coin in the safe. Diversify.
Thanks that was nice of you to pick me :)
 






sickgirl15

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Women should be able to be financially independant.
It isn't the victorian era. Women don't have to rely on handouts from daddy or hubby while they wait to get sold off to the highest bidder.

Can you give me an example of a woman who would not have the money to pay halves on a date?

In a marriage/partnership all incomings and necessary outgoings should be split 50/50. Anything left over is yours.
Women in America STILL make 80 cents to a $1.00 that a man makes. This is absolute bullsh*t in the year 2020. Black and Latina women still make LESS! And women should be expected to pay half? I don’t think so. Not until men give us the equality we deserve in the workplace!!
 






Lisa

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Women in America STILL make 80 cents to a $1.00 that a man makes. This is absolute bullsh*t in the year 2020. Black and Latina women still make LESS! And women should be expected to pay half? I don’t think so. Not until men give us the equality we deserve in the workplace!!
 






justjess

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Money is the number one reason people divorce. So if having joint accounts or seperate accounts is what works for any individual couple that’s their business and probably helping to preserve the marriage - isn’t that what people want? My husband is a spender, im a saver. We tried the joint account thing for years and all it ended up with was constant arguments and resentment on both ends - mine that he was so irresponsible with money, his that I was constantly nagging him about being irresponsible with money. So we came up with a different system and we don’t argue about money anymore.

I think this just bothers you because you don’t work yourself.
 






Lisa

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Money is the number one reason people divorce. So if having joint accounts or seperate accounts is what works for any individual couple that’s their business and probably helping to preserve the marriage - isn’t that what people want? My husband is a spender, im a saver. We tried the joint account thing for years and all it ended up with was constant arguments and resentment on both ends - mine that he was so irresponsible with money, his that I was constantly nagging him about being irresponsible with money. So we came up with a different system and we don’t argue about money anymore.

I think this just bothers you because you don’t work yourself.
So..you have separate accounts so you both can spend as selfishly as you want and it works better than working together...

How does my not working have anything to do with this. We have always had a joint account..even when I was working.
 






Tidal

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As Judge Judy regularly says to splitting couples- "Joint accounts are a bad idea", because if the relationship begins going up the spout one of them might decide to head for the bank and draw it all out and pocket the lot, it's quite legal and there's zilch their partner can do about it except try to beat them to the bank.. :)
 






justjess

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So..you have separate accounts so you both can spend as selfishly as you want and it works better than working together...

How does my not working have anything to do with this. We have always had a joint account..even when I was working.
No we have seperate accounts so my husband has money he can spend on what he wants without me nagging him and without impacting our long term goals. I don’t spend money like that. He grew up poor, I did not. We have a different relationship with money. Seperate accounts are just for budgeting. That’s it. If your so anti divorce why would you be judge mental about something that helps a couple avoid issues with the number one reason for divorce?

your entirely dependent on your husband and have been for the majority of your life. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you didn’t have a joint account you’d have nothing.

edit: my husband is bipolar Lisa, part of being bipolar is having money issues - spending extravagantly. I’d rather put in place preventative measures then sit around with both of us angry and hurt after the fact.
 






Lisa

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No we have seperate accounts so my husband has money he can spend on what he wants without me nagging him and without impacting our long term goals. I don’t spend money like that. He grew up poor, I did not. We have a different relationship with money. Seperate accounts are just for budgeting. That’s it. If your so anti divorce why would you be judge mental about something that helps a couple avoid issues with the number one reason for divorce?

your entirely dependent on your husband and have been for the majority of your life. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you didn’t have a joint account you’d have nothing.
I’m entirely dependent on God...it was God who provided my husband with his current job.

It sounded like the reason you want separate accounts is so you could both spend money how you wish without the other getting mad about it..instead of having the joint account and working together. But I can see where you don’t like to budge where you think you’re right..so it probably is easier.
 






Hon33

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No we have seperate accounts so my husband has money he can spend on what he wants without me nagging him and without impacting our long term goals. I don’t spend money like that. He grew up poor, I did not. We have a different relationship with money. Seperate accounts are just for budgeting. That’s it. If your so anti divorce why would you be judge mental about something that helps a couple avoid issues with the number one reason for divorce?

your entirely dependent on your husband and have been for the majority of your life. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you didn’t have a joint account you’d have nothing.

edit: my husband is bipolar Lisa, part of being bipolar is having money issues - spending extravagantly. I’d rather put in place preventative measures then sit around with both of us angry and hurt after the fact.
You don’t need to explain or justify your decisions - even though I spent many posts doing the same.
You know what’s best for you and your husband and family and you do what works. Lisa clearly isn’t good at putting herself in others shoes.
 






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