Good News

With so much overwhelming negative news out there, there can be more of a need to hear about the positive things going on. This thread is for that. Please only post upbeat, positive, and / or humorous news.

NOT ALL HEROES WEAR CAPES: OHIO MAYOR GOES TO COURT, DISMISSES ALL TRAFFIC TICKETS

Well, I'm getting my payment this saturday, which is good

ac/dc are releasing a new album nov. 13/20

and nov 5th is just around the corner

Netflix: Dave Chappelle reveals how his Muslim faith to 'beautiful religion' began at a pizza shop


Eat Pray Love: author Elizabeth Gilbert tells Oprah Winfrey her "face of Islam"

Lil axe said:

ac/dc are releasing a new album nov. 13/20

and nov 5th is just around the corner

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Good grief, I didn't realize those guys were still in business...

meximonk said:

Good grief, I didn't realize those guys were still in business...

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well its a dirty job, but someones gotta save rock n roll

I think it's about time I share some uplifting news stories to balance out the other stuff I usually post

From the Babylon Bee (satire news)

To Save Time, Biden To Ship 500 Million Free Masks Directly To Landfill



WASHINGTON, D.C.—The White House is releasing new details surrounding President Biden’s plan to send free facemasks to every American. In an effort to save time, the free masks will be shipped directly to landfills nationwide.

“The science tells us that wearing a high-quality mask over your nose and mouth probably might possibly help prevent COVID maybe,” said press secretary Jen Psaki. “Therefore, the President is committed to making sure every American has access to a medium-quality government mask manufactured by the lowest bidder.”

“That being said, we realize that anyone who wants to wear a mask probably owns several dozen already,” Psaki continued. “We also know that many others want your grandmother to die and thus refuse to wear masks at all. So, to save money, we’ll be shipping all masks directly to local landfills.”

Joe Marsecci, chairman of the Masked Citizens Environmental Alliance, praised the Biden administration’s decision. “The decision to ship these masks directly to the landfill saves both time and money, as well as reducing carbon emissions from delivery and waste-hauling services,” Marsecci said. “The only thing more ecologically responsible would be dumping all the masks directly into the ocean.”

At press time, the White House was denying reports that Biden’s plan to purchase 500 million facemasks was in any way related to his son Hunter being named chairman of the board of a large Ukrainian facemask conglomerate.

Babylon Bee: 9 Offensive Candies That Need To Get Woke Immediately

When M&M bravely transformed their M&M characters into progressive liberals they shined a spotlight on a problem no one had ever considered before. Can candy be racist? Can it be transphobic or deplorable? The answer, we now know, is yes.

Here are nine more candies that need to follow M&M’s trailblazing example and get woke asap!

• Almond Joy – Has nuts. Should get nut removal surgery and be transgender. Also, it’s wrong to feel joy in our broken, racist, evil country. That’s privilege. Do better, Almond Joy.
• Sour Patch Kids – None of these kids have had gender reassignment surgery. They’re not even taking puberty blockers! Additionally, they are all diverse skin colors, and yet are getting along in harmony. Not woke all!
• Mr. Goodbar – Where do we even start? Mister? Good? BAR?!
• Sugar Daddy – Don’t you mean “Sugar-non-birthing parent?” REEEEEEEE!!!!!!
• Twix - It's laudable that Twix has a left bar, but it also has a right bar, so it's basically a Nazi.
• Gobstopper – Made by enslaved midgets, which is wrong.
• Whatchamacallit – Belittling Ebonics to the level of candy. So racist. Though it does earn some points for having an identity crisis.
• Dove Chocolate – A white bird for a chocolate candy? Are you serious?!
• Dum Dums - Makes fun of the mentally less capable among us.

The next time you give in to your sweet tooth please make sure your candy is ACLU certified. Just because something is tasty doesn’t mean it’s woke. And if something ain’t woke then it’s broke!

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