So you experience amnesia but this amnesia doesn’t prevent you from being aware of other alters then?
You are so brave to do this too. I just think your responses are amazing.
I am wondering when did you start treatment and what would you say is the most effective treatment approach for did?
Are all of the alters you are aware of on board with treatment or do some parts still resist treatment and question whether it will work?
Yes I experience amnesia for the things my other alters do or say. Not total amnesia mind you. But usually I will see pictures friends have taken on a hike or be reminded of a conversation and I will sound absolutely psychotic in my persistent denial of having any memory of the conversation.
I even try explaining to my own boyfriend who has DID as well, "Look, I'm not saying I never did/said that. I'm not calling you a liar. I'm telling you I literally do not remember this happening, so yo have to tell me what it is that I said or did."
It frustrates him, but he does the exact same thing!!!
I don't use it as an excuse when I do something bad though. Because that's not okay. Even if I try to at least explain why another alter behaved badly I take the blame because it's my body and my mind.
I began treatment before diagnosis when I was 9 years old. In and out of therapy (court mandated by CPS because my parents were trying to keep custody of me and my siblings)
I spend 3 years in a mental hospital from ages 16-19. Didn't help.
Saw a therapist who knew a little bit about DID for a few months when I was 19.
Didn't help.
Now at 28 I found a therapist who is familiar with DID, and similar issues like substance abuse disorders, thought disorders, PTSD, single trauma, BPD etc.
He does 'ACTUAL' CBT, DBT and EMDR. This so far has been the most success I've had with therapy.
I've been to CBT therapists in the past who didn't help me one bit because I don't think they knew wtf they were doing. Maybe with normal people they're great therapists but holy shit.
My main alters (the ones I'm fully aware of and can mentally communicate with) are all aware of and on board with treatment. But they will all need to be treated separately or need to be treated starting from scratch if they go to my therapist for the first time. He's been patient with me so far. And he's pretty good at working my current progress into their conciousness to include them.
I've had alters make me leave therapy before. But it was for a good reason usually not just "you'll never get rid of me!!!" Type of thing.
The end goal isn't to dissolve my alters or cohercively integrate them.
It's to help me function day to day without feeling empty inside and deal with my trauma. If successful they may integrate on their own. If not, the main goal is to get my mind working cooperatively and break down amnesia walls.