Marriage

Moreaboutyou

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Also at the end of the day I can pray every 20 minutes for someone, but THEY have to pick up their cross and do the work. God is not a genie that waves - magic wand and takes away narcissistic, prideful, self absorbed, and evil actions. We have to choose to follow the way and knowledge of God. My husband unfortunately will not pick up his cross or a freaking bible for that matter.
 

Lisa

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Lisa, respectfully, no one is telling me to do anything. People are telling me that emotional abuse is not okay, and if I can’t be healthy in the relationship it is okay to leave. Your sarcastic statements are not helpful to me in this trying situation or very kind.
Respectfully..the comments you like are all telling you that your right in divorcing your husband..so I wasn’t wrong.


Abuse is not just “some behavior,” as you put it. You know barely anything about my situation, yet you feel the need to judge me and Even what I will do in my future. This is why people don’t go to the church for emotional help, because it is some how my fault and my duty to deal with abuse. God is sovereign, how do you know what God has told me to do? You are assuming that I have not prayed. You are assuming a lot actually and you know what assuming makes you look like...
Did I say it was your fault? Divorce is a big step..and your the one taking that step. I was the one that told you to pray about it anyway.

From experience...I know God hasn’t told you to get divorced and would be glad to help you and your husband stay together.
 

Lisa

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Also at the end of the day I can pray every 20 minutes for someone, but THEY have to pick up their cross and do the work. God is not a genie that waves - magic wand and takes away narcissistic, prideful, self absorbed, and evil actions. We have to choose to follow the way and knowledge of God. My husband unfortunately will not pick up his cross or a freaking bible for that matter.
Your totally discounting what God can do for you when you pray.
 

Venus

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I'm so sorry you went ahead and got married knowing what you know about your now husband.

You made a mistake you can easily fix now. Don't wait until it's too late and more difficult to do it. You probably already know he won't change easily, this is what the rest of your life will be most likely if you say together. I did, for 8 years, and would probably had stay longer if he would had agree to have children.

And please, for the love of god, do not get pregnant!
 

Moreaboutyou

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I'm so sorry you went ahead and got married knowing what you know about your now husband.

You made a mistake you can easily fix now. Don't wait until it's too late and more difficult to do it. You probably already know he won't change easily, this is what the rest of your life will be most likely if you say together. I did, for 8 years, and would probably had stay longer if he would had agree to have children.

And please, for the love of god, do not get pregnant!
Oh gosh. I am so glad I am not pregnant. Thank God above. It’s sad, but yes change is not coming. This is who he is.
 

Camidria

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So.... I got married.

Currently in the middle of not being spoken too for the past three days. I re read these posts and can’t believe that I am in this situation. I have filed for divorce but I can honestly say there’s still a part of me hoping he will change. Lol you all told me this would happen but I went through anyways and wasted three years of my life. It’s not over yet as I have to pull the trigger, but I’m starting to realize that I do not want this. Oui vey.
My heart aches for you! I understand how difficult this situation must be, and most probably I presume there was a lot of manipulation involved from his side to get you to go ahead with the marriage?

I would say really start with prayer - like you said you have already done, there is a book by Stormie O' Martian I would highly recommend called The Praying Wife, it is a brilliant book and I have seen things in my marriage change as well because of these prayers.
The book has 30 days of praying for different aspects of your husband's life, and it can be a life changer but you have to count the cost:

The cost of staying in this marriage is praying for your husband, relentlessly, perhaps for many years, and enduring - you will during this time come so close to God that what he does will later not matter to you anymore, you will have so much intimacy with God that the change will come, but there will be hardship and pain before the change.....

The other choice is to leave, God hates divorce, but He is merciful as well and only He knows what you can endure and what is best for you - whether to leave or to stay.

I don't know what He has told you, what He is saying what you must do, but what you choose will shape your life. Through deep prayer and focus on God we can have this incredible relationship with Him - and if you choose to stay in your marriage this will be the only way you will find happiness.

Your husband is acting this way because that is what was modelled to him when he was young, he was never taught to voice his feelings and he learned that manipulation with silence works to get his way - the only way to break this is through prayer, perhaps your prayers will be his only way to salvation....

I believe your answer on this is with God alone, and whatever you choose He will be there for you with open arms, He will comfort you, do what He tells you to do. My heart aches for you, divorce is a much harder choice to make than deciding to get married.....my prayers are with you!
 

Camidria

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Also at the end of the day I can pray every 20 minutes for someone, but THEY have to pick up their cross and do the work. God is not a genie that waves - magic wand and takes away narcissistic, prideful, self absorbed, and evil actions. We have to choose to follow the way and knowledge of God. My husband unfortunately will not pick up his cross or a freaking bible for that matter.
I agree with you, this is why your answer on this must only come from God, have you seen the movie "A Case for Christ" it's about Lee Strobel, a hard nosed atheist. His wife's prayer's helped him to turn his life around completely. It is possible, but again count the cost, see what God tells you to do, listen to God's voice on this alone.
 

Lisa

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My heart aches for you, divorce is a much harder choice to make than deciding to get married.....my prayers are with you!
Actually it sounds like she think the easiest choice is divorce and most people agree that she should save herself. Like abortion is the only answer to an unwanted pregnancy..divorce is the only answer when the marriage gets hard.
 

justjess

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Sure it is.
No lol it’s not. Not in the slightest. God never said “go forth and submit to abuse for the rest of your days” - you are also trivializing abuse as if it’s just another daily problem people should deal with like Applebee’s being closed during a pandemic. It’s not. If you were abused for twenty years while waiting for god I feel horrible for you. It also explains why you seem to have a tendency to speak up and defend clear oppressed. Stockholm syndrome.
 

Lisa

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No lol it’s not. Not in the slightest. God never said “go forth and submit to abuse for the rest of your days” - you are also trivializing abuse as if it’s just another daily problem people should deal with like Applebee’s being closed during a pandemic. It’s not. If you were abused for twenty years while waiting for god I feel horrible for you. It also explains why you seem to have a tendency to speak up and defend clear oppressed. Stockholm syndrome.
Who says she has to submit to abuse all the days of her life? She should ask God for help and @Camidria has a great post about doing that.

If you divorced someone every time your marriage feels like abuse...you’d never stay married.
 

DevaWolf

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Who says she has to submit to abuse all the days of her life? She should ask God for help and @Camidria has a great post about doing that.

If you divorced someone every time your marriage feels like abuse...you’d never stay married.
I can see how you are still married if that's how you think. Guess that if a woman gets murdered by her husband, that was his right as leader of a good Christian home?
 

Lisa

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I can see how you are still married if that's how you think. Guess that if a woman gets murdered by her husband, that was his right as leader of a good Christian home?
I wonder why all arguments go to the very worst of possibilities...is that the only way to say she’s justified in leaving..the guy that won’t talk to her will eventually murder her? Who says she lives in a good Christian home..and what exactly is a good Christian home?

If you are a Christian..than your first act should be prayer...and let God help you out even if it does take 20 years. Ya..I put up with a lot in those 20 years..yet I have been bettered for it as my relationship with God grew deeper and stronger and bonus..my husband is a Christian now..and he’s a different person as he comes to know God too..he doesn’t treat me the way he once did..and through it all we have actually become closer because of all the things we’ve shared...good and bad.

You bounce around looking for only happiness with someone..you’re gonna be disappointed.
 
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polymoog

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If you are a Christian..than your first act should be prayer...and let God help you out even if it does take 20 years. Ya..I put up with a lot in those 20 years..

i know the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, BUT... has it occured to you that you could have been with a nicer, christian husband more suited to you 20 years earlier and avoided all of the stress?

marriage should be taken very seriously, but life is short. for me, i dont have a lot of time for nonsense and drama. people want as much happiness as possible.
 

Lisa

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i know the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, BUT... has it occured to you that you could have been with a nicer, christian husband more suited to you 20 years earlier and avoided all of the stress?

marriage should be taken very seriously, but life is short. for me, i dont have a lot of time for nonsense and drama. people want as much happiness as possible.
I wasn’t though. I have to deal with the hand I was given and ya, I could have gotten divorced at any time to get out. However, I was never a quitter and I never thought that life was mainly about being happy.

The thing is you can’t go anywhere and not have nonsense and drama. We would like happiness but life isn’t always happy. You make a vow for better or for worse..shouldn’t ya stick to it for awhile before moving on to the next disappointment....I mean perfect spouse?
 

polymoog

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shouldn’t ya stick to it for awhile before moving on to the next disappointment....I mean perfect spouse?
theres a big difference between searching for perfection and moving away from an abusive loser who might take years (or decades) to get through to him (or her). would you want to keep a car thats been in an accident, has frame damage, engine problems, and needs tires-- and youre keeping it because its your first car, or get rid of it and find one that has FAR less problems to begin with?
 

Lisa

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theres a big difference between searching for perfection and moving away from an abusive loser who might take years (or decades) to get through to him (or her). would you want to keep a car thats been in an accident, has frame damage, engine problems, and needs tires-- and youre keeping it because its your first car, or get rid of it and find one that has FAR less problems to begin with?
I don’t think that your analogy works in this case. Human being aren’t the same as cars...though we try to treat relationships like that.
 

DevaWolf

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I wonder why all arguments go to the very worst of possibilities...is that the only way to say she’s justified in leaving..the guy that won’t talk to her will eventually murder her? Who says she lives in a good Christian home..and what exactly is a good Christian home?
I think we are excagarating our point because you don't seem to be capable of reason, which is why we go to extreme examples.

I'm glad however to see in this post that you don't think Christians are without issues. That's good on you.
 
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Women will never learn. They choose a man based on who he is and when they settle they try to change him. Stop thinking this is a viable option. Choose a man who doesn't need to change.
 
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