Marriage or singledom for Christians - which is the better option?

[Lisa]

There are many parts to a person's life other than their marital status.
Personal identity is formed on way more factors than whether you are single or not.

e.g. God also told Adam to take dominion over the earth.
Genesis 1:28 And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.

Does that mean every person should be involved in farming, landcare and agriculture?

God does tell Adam to be fruitful and multiply there..he can’t do that without a woman...

I’d say that men do have dominion over the earth, we are the only things that control the earth, not animals. Sea creatures don’t rule the sea, man does. Man seems to be doing what God commanded him to do.

 

[Daciple]

Even Paul says that he wishes people stay single not that people need to do that,

Stop right there Lisa, go back and re read what I wrote, that is the summary of it, so why start a purposeful disagreement over nothing? That is my point, you just TRY and find something to disagree with EVERYONE in EVERY post, even when overall it is in AGREEMENT...

But continue to disagree with me when I literally stated just what you said...

 

[Lisa]

Stop right there Lisa, go back and re read what I wrote, that is the summary of it, so why start a purposeful disagreement over nothing? That is my point, you just TRY and find something to disagree with EVERYONE in EVERY post, even when overall it is in AGREEMENT...

But continue to disagree with me when I literally stated just what you said...

You started out saying to each their own. I was stating that for God marriage was the way to go and that Paul was saying he wishes it could be otherwise. That’s not really to each their own and I don’t agree to each their own, marriage is what God wants.

 

[JoChris]

God does tell Adam to be fruitful and multiply there..he can’t do that without a woman...

I’d say that men do have dominion over the earth, we are the only things that control the earth, not animals. Sea creatures don’t rule the sea, man does. Man seems to be doing what God commanded him to do.

I agree with you about that observation. However it is a massive jump to conclusion to say that commandment given to Adam by God is therefore meant for absolutely everyone on Earth.

There are some things that are impossible to do if a person is married, especially with kids e.g. evangelise in strange lands, moving on constantly. For a person who believes they are called to be an evangelist/ missionary AND if they are constantly on the move it is easier if they are single in their own circumstances.

In today's society it is extremely hard for women to progress very high in their field with marriage/ children commitments, no matter what the feminists say. An exceptionally strong support system must be available for that woman to look like she is achieving both simultaneously.

It is also extremely hard for a Christian single person to even find a potential Christian spouse. For those who seek to obey that commandment "the odds" are extremely stacked against them.

Therefore it is very common to either settle for a non-Christian (me, I was very backslidden at the time though) or remain single permanently. I get the impression that Christian men have way more women to choose from than the other way around because there it seems like there are so few single men who tick all the boxes for Christian women.

So don't jump to conclusions that Christian women/ men aren't doing God's will because they aren't obeying that commandment. Some people just don't find "the one" .

 

[Daciple]

You started out saying to each their own. I was stating that for God marriage was the way to go and that Paul was saying he wishes it could be otherwise. That’s not really to each their own and I don’t agree to each their own, marriage is what God wants.

I know Lisa, you must disagree with everyone about everything, no worries continue to disagree with us all, enjoy...

 

[Lisa]

I agree with you about that observation. However it is a massive jump to conclusion to say that commandment given to Adam by God is therefore meant for absolutely everyone on Earth.

Don’t ya think when we don’t do that then that’s when things start to have problems? If underbrush isn’t cleared out then when there is a fire its worse. If we don’t keep animal populations down then you have too many rats like in LA, then you have plagues. So, man having dominion is best despite what some people might think.

There are some things that are impossible to do if a person is married, especially with kids e.g. evangelise in strange lands, moving on constantly. For a person who believes they are called to be an evangelist/ missionary AND if they are constantly on the move it is easier if they are single in their own circumstances.

We think its easier, because it sounds easier to us..but its nice to have someone with you that helps you. I wonder what single missionaries tell people about being married when they aren’t?

In today's society it is extremely hard for women to progress very high in their field with marriage/ children commitments, no matter what the feminists say. An exceptionally strong support system must be available for that woman to look like she is achieving both simultaneously.

So, then were they ever really made to have a career? It only really works when men have the career and the women stay home with the kids and be the helper for their husbands, that’s what God intended for the women at least.

It is also extremely hard for a Christian single person to even find a potential Christian spouse. For those who seek to obey that commandment "the odds" are extremely stacked against them.

Therefore it is very common to either settle for a non-Christian (me, I was very backslidden at the time though) or remain single permanently. I get the impression that Christian men have way more women to choose from than the other way around because there it seems like there are so few single men who tick all the boxes for Christian women.

So don't jump to conclusions that Christian women/ men aren't doing God's will because they aren't obeying that commandment. Some people just don't find "the one" .

Praying to God about having a spouse would be the first thing I would tell someone. And that it could take some time to find the person is the other, God doesn’t work on our timetable. I have children that I hope find a Christian spouse and I have hope because God is my hope.

From experience, I also know that God can change people and if you didn’t marry the exact right person..and who does anyway?..then God can change that person. That’s what God does, He works on us and changes us. Not only does he change your spouse, he changes you too. That’s what he does, so nothing is ever hopeless with God.

Even God has something to say about settling with non-Christians...

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:16‬ ‭
For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?​

I guess I look at things hopefully knowing that all things are possible with God.

 

[Dalit]

Idk how about follow Pauls example? Was he married or have kids? Did he dedicate his life to God do you think?

I have zero clue why you would take issue with it, but it is par for the course for you lately...

Plus she totally singled out part of one of your sentences and didn't appear to have read the context. Taking things out of context.

Hope that approach isn't used with the Scriptures.

 

[Red Sky at Morning]

Matthew 19:12 King James Version (KJV)

12 For there are some eunuchs*, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

*in this context, someone who does not have sex

 

[Lisa]

Plus she totally singled out part of one of your sentences and didn't appear to have read the context. Taking things out of context.

Hope that approach isn't used with the Scriptures.

I read the context..

But its to each their own

I do think its God’s will that people get married and have children and not to be single which is why Paul doesn’t say staying single is a command of God’s. Daciple seemed to think both were alright and that’s what I disagreed with.

 

[JoChris]

Don’t ya think when we don’t do that then that’s when things start to have problems? If underbrush isn’t cleared out then when there is a fire its worse. If we don’t keep animal populations down then you have too many rats like in LA, then you have plagues. So, man having dominion is best despite what some people might think.

That is why Paul says this:
1 Corinthians 7:8 I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.
9 But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

We think its easier, because it sounds easier to us..but its nice to have someone with you that helps you. I wonder what single missionaries tell people about being married when they aren’t?

I actually think it would be harder in a way to be a missionary without a spouse to provide marital support (intimacy included) because of potential temptations everywhere they went, but again it is a matter of conscience for them.

So, then were they ever really made to have a career? It only really works when men have the career and the women stay home with the kids and be the helper for their husbands, that’s what God intended for the women at least.

I understand what you are trying to say, but we live in a fallen world. What was intended for people before the Fall often does not happen.
In a perfect world women would have a loving husband. Men would have a loving wife.
It often does not happen these days. Living costs are too high to meet modern society's expectations.
In Australia the places where the jobs mostly are is where houses are unaffordable.
For a wife to be at home with the kids, it either means permanent renting or the husband has a well-above average wage.

Praying to God about having a spouse would be the first thing I would tell someone. And that it could take some time to find the person is the other, God doesn’t work on our timetable. I have children that I hope find a Christian spouse and I have hope because God is my hope.

I agree with you there. But if God does not bring a spouse it means the Christian remains single, not always by choice. These people need our support not our judgement.

From experience, I also know that God can change people and if you didn’t marry the exact right person..and who does anyway?..then God can change that person. That’s what God does, He works on us and changes us. Not only does he change your spouse, he changes you too. That’s what he does, so nothing is ever hopeless with God.

I agree with you there too.
However your statement does not comfort single people, and your statement ignores people who have such terrible marriages it is better they separate. There are some issues that are irreconcilable. A Christian spouse should not be expected to stay with unrepentant abusers of any variety. In some situations even genuine repentance will not undo the damage.

Even God has something to say about settling with non-Christians...

‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:16‬ ‭​

For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife?​

I guess I look at things hopefully knowing that all things are possible with God.

This is my situation. Christians are also commanded this:

2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2 Corinthians 6:14-18

Christians should not be encouraged to marry no matter what. There is a price to pay for choosing to marry someone whom you know has a polar opposite worldview to you. I have a very good atheist husband (better in some ways than many Christian women's husbands at my church), but I have no-one for spiritual support, no-one to pray with, no-one to share any spiritual highs (like answered prayers) or spiritual lows (like struggles with temptations) except for people I only regularly see once a week at church. You know they are not places of Christian fellowship except for the shallowest interactions.

That is a very big price to pay Lisa. I hope my story is a precautionary one for single Christians wondering if they should just make do with people they are attracted to like I did.
Most Christians should seek to get married (for obvious reasons) but they shouldn't just get married because it is the ideal situation full-stop, period, fin etc.

 

[Lisa]

These people need our support not our judgement.

I’m not judging people just saying that God would rather people marry. The op title is marriage or singledom for Christians —which is the better option. And I say marriage because God is for marriage. He’s the One who says leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. He’s the One that says it’s not good for man to be alone. So that’s why I say that. It’s not a judgement, it’s what God has told us.

Then people bring up Paul which I then say was his wish not what God said to do and people get upset with that. But it’s true too, Paul doesn’t change what God said is good because God doesn’t change right? So that would be wrong to suggest that God says yes be single.

I think God prefers people be married rather than single. And ya there are different reasons for people to be single and I can’t really talk to all of those reasons honestly. What I would say in that case is prayer is very helpful whatever one’s situation and that’s it’s God one should talk to about it because He can help anyone in any situation. But I’m not going to be the one that say being single is good, I don’t think it is.

A Christian spouse should not be expected to stay with unrepentant abusers of any variety.

Again all I am saying is that I believe God can fix any marriage. I also can’t counsel anyone to stay or leave a marriage but to pray to God about their marriage which is the best way to handle anything. He knows better than I do. From experience I know that God can fix marriages, he fixed mine and I was one signature away from a divorce so I do know what a bad marriage is.

Christians should not be encouraged to marry no matter what.

I was not encouraging anyone to marry a non Christian, I was just trying to encourage anyone who has a bad marriage or finds themselves married to an non Christian to not give up hope because God can help you. I do understand that people make bad choices and feel like there is no way out of them. We sin and we make bad choices maybe someone doesn’t think being married to a non Christian would be so bad but it is bad because of the reasons you stated but I also believe God can help with that too which is what I meant.

I have a very good atheist husband (better in some ways than many Christian women's husbands at my church), but I have no-one for spiritual support, no-one to pray with, no-one to share any spiritual highs (like answered prayers) or spiritual lows (like struggles with temptations) except for people I only regularly see once a week at church.

This is not a judgement just curiosity, do you share your answered prayers with your husband anyway? Or any little part of your faith or is that off limits in your relationship?

I agree with @Susu.mochi and her profile post...no one truly wants to be alone. Friends and family can only do so much, I think people want that intimacy that only a spouse can bring even if they don’t really know how to get it to their satisfaction, we all have that longing and that’s what I mean, no judgement.

 

[Susu.mochi]

Actually with God all th

I agree with you about that observation. However it is a massive jump to conclusion to say that commandment given to Adam by God is therefore meant for absolutely everyone on Earth.

There are some things that are impossible to do if a person is married, especially with kids e.g. evangelise in strange lands, moving on constantly. For a person who believes they are called to be an evangelist/ missionary AND if they are constantly on the move it is easier if they are single in their own circumstances.

In today's society it is extremely hard for women to progress very high in their field with marriage/ children commitments, no matter what the feminists say. An exceptionally strong support system must be available for that woman to look like she is achieving both simultaneously.

It is also extremely hard for a Christian single person to even find a potential Christian spouse. For those who seek to obey that commandment "the odds" are extremely stacked against them.

Therefore it is very common to either settle for a non-Christian (me, I was very backslidden at the time though) or remain single permanently. I get the impression that Christian men have way more women to choose from than the other way around because there it seems like there are so few single men who tick all the boxes for Christian women.

So don't jump to conclusions that Christian women/ men aren't doing God's will because they aren't obeying that commandment. Some people just don't find "the one" .

Actually with God all things are possible. A wife with children can still go on missionary and stuff like that it's just that it's very hard so it's probably not the most best it's gonna be very very hard but if you want to do it and you do your best than you can.

 

[Susu.mochi]

You are com

I’m not judging people just saying that God would rather people marry. The op title is marriage or singledom for Christians —which is the better option. And I say marriage because God is for marriage. He’s the One who says leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. He’s the One that says it’s not good for man to be alone. So that’s why I say that. It’s not a judgement, it’s what God has told us.

Then people bring up Paul which I then say was his wish not what God said to do and people get upset with that. But it’s true too, Paul doesn’t change what God said is good because God doesn’t change right? So that would be wrong to suggest that God says yes be single.

I think God prefers people be married rather than single. And ya there are different reasons for people to be single and I can’t really talk to all of those reasons honestly. What I would say in that case is prayer is very helpful whatever one’s situation and that’s it’s God one should talk to about it because He can help anyone in any situation. But I’m not going to be the one that say being single is good, I don’t think it is.


Again all I am saying is that I believe God can fix any marriage. I also can’t counsel anyone to stay or leave a marriage but to pray to God about their marriage which is the best way to handle anything. He knows better than I do. From experience I know that God can fix marriages, he fixed mine and I was one signature away from a divorce so I do know what a bad marriage is.


I was not encouraging anyone to marry a non Christian, I was just trying to encourage anyone who has a bad marriage or finds themselves married to an non Christian to not give up hope because God can help you. I do understand that people make bad choices and feel like there is no way out of them. We sin and we make bad choices maybe someone doesn’t think being married to a non Christian would be so bad but it is bad because of the reasons you stated but I also believe God can help with that too which is what I meant.


This is not a judgement just curiosity, do you share your answered prayers with your husband anyway? Or any little part of your faith or is that off limits in your relationship?

I agree with @Susu.mochi and her profile post...no one truly wants to be alone. Friends and family can only do so much, I think people want that intimacy that only a spouse can bring even if they don’t really know how to get it to their satisfaction, we all have that longing and that’s what I mean, no judgement.

you are completly right, in a lot of ways. It is definetly good to marry because it's not good for man to be alone. But sometimes it's better for people to stay single because sometimes they might have a problem with trying to please their spouse more than trying to please God. So it's better for them to stay single for a little while until they are more focused on Christ then they can be ready for a relationship.

 

[Lisa]

you are completly right, in a lot of ways.

Thank you!

It is definetly good to marry because it's not good for man to be alone. But sometimes it's better for people to stay single because sometimes they might have a problem with trying to please their spouse more than trying to please God. So it's better for them to stay single for a little while until they are more focused on Christ then they can be ready for a relationship.

My counter to that is..is anyone really ready for anything in life? If we all waited till we were ready we’d be so old..but sin never goes away...so...

Talking about staying single because you might want to please your spouse more than God..can’t God change that? I know He did in me. I know that God changed my mind about a whole lot of things and He used the people around me to do that. God doesn’t wait for you to become perfect before He works in you or waits for the perfect opportunity for you, He works in your life where you are now.

If you get married and it’s hard..well that’s marriage anyway. God can help you in your marriage, I know God helped me. I could say, I shouldn’t have married the person I did, should have waited for the exact right person..but is that something we tell ourselves? I mean, we are all sinners, nothing changes that, so there really is no perfect person out there. You are gonna marry someone who isn’t perfect and who isn’t good all the time. I think you get close to what you like and when the troubles come, and they will, trust God to get you through it, grow you and them and then use that as a testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness to you. We seem to think we can have some control here and we don’t.

 

[JoChris]

I’m not judging people just saying that God would rather people marry. The op title is marriage or singledom for Christians —which is the better option. And I say marriage because God is for marriage. He’s the One who says leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife. He’s the One that says it’s not good for man to be alone. So that’s why I say that. It’s not a judgement, it’s what God has told us.

I think we are pretty well in agreement with our positive attitude towards marriage. I just don't take it as far. We live in an imperfect world.
Some people who marry should not, some people do not marry who should get married.
Some Christians genuinely will serve God better with no distractions.

This is not a judgement just curiosity, do you share your answered prayers with your husband anyway? Or any little part of your faith or is that off limits in your relationship?

No, I usually don't share anything like that. He simply does not understand - he either rolled his eyes or gave a smirk on times I did try to mention the "small stuff".
I have occasionally reminded him of major events in his life that he claims was purely by chance e.g. when an army helicopter he was in crashed but no-one got hurt. [The faith of an atheist is quite incredible at times!]

I agree with @Susu.mochi and her profile post...no one truly wants to be alone. Friends and family can only do so much, I think people want that intimacy that only a spouse can bring even if they don’t really know how to get it to their satisfaction, we all have that longing and that’s what I mean, no judgement.

I think *majority* of people want a spouse for multiple reasons. There are some who simply don't which is hard to imagine for those of us who have that desire, but God did make us all different.

 

[JoChris]

Actually with God all th

Actually with God all things are possible. A wife with children can still go on missionary and stuff like that it's just that it's very hard so it's probably not the most best it's gonna be very very hard but if you want to do it and you do your best than you can.

I agree that it is possible, and for some missionaries it would be easier if they were single, and for some it would be easier if they were married.
IMO it is looking at the glass half-full or half-empty. Both options have disadvantages and advantages.

 

[morita]

Most men will answer marriage because they're the ones who benefit the most from it.

 

[Lisa]

Most men will answer marriage because they're the ones who benefit the most from it.

There is no benefit for women?

 

[morita]

Everyone seems to agree that modern dating sucks but compared to previous generations women now have more freedom. We have enough independance to live on our own, enough options to find a relationship.

 

[Lisa]

Everyone seems to agree that modern dating sucks but compared to previous generations women now have more freedom. We have enough independance to live on our own, enough options to find a relationship.

Sometimes having too many options is a hindrance too.